


Catching My Breath

by Mooshbabii



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ADHD, Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Abuse, Alzheimers, Anger Management, Anorexia, Autism, Bipolar Disorder, Camming, Chronic Illness, College AU, Cutting, Deaf Character, Depression, Disabled Character, Dissociation, Drugs, Dyscalculia, Dyslexia, Gaslighting, Gender non conforming character, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Homophobia, I know nothing about how money works, Insomnia, Literally everyones parents are kind of shit, M/M, Multiple Trans characters becuase fuck you that's why, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Orphans, PTSD, Prosthetic Limbs, Prostitution, Rape, SPD, Scoliosis, So basically i just took all of my sad headcanons and put them into a kagehina fic, Surgery, Tanaka has no legs, Tourette Syndrome, Trans Character, Transphobia, Waardenburg syndrome, i can do it, restless leg syndrome, selective mutism, shitty inaccuracies, wheelchair
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-07-19 09:57:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 27
Words: 76,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7356499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mooshbabii/pseuds/Mooshbabii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's College<br/>The past can sometimes stink, but it's college. Everything is supposed to get better. Everything was supposed to get better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so hi! My friend got me hooked on this show and now i am fully aware that i have hit trash central in my writing. I was supposed to be writing a DAI summer extravaganza!!! but here i am, stuck in hell. So! time to unleash that on to anyone willing to read my shit writing. I will try to update this? but god knows i have like three fics going on right now so i might be slow. but who knows i wrote this in like two hours, listening to MSI issues on repeat. I mean i wrote the shittiest Bokuto/Akaashi in four days and it has 20,000 words. Who knows?! you might get lucky. Anyways.... I hope you enjoy. You see a flaw, want to be point it out? feel free to criticize me until i cry. That's how i get better. Thanks for reading.

Shouyou yawned in his seat. Being at the school was probably not the best place to set up an appointment. But he did not have the money right now to fix up his laptop, and with that area of income gone, it was doubtful he would be able to fix it without some extra appointments. It wasn’t his favorite way of getting money, but it would do. Camming was a lot less gross, even if he was requested for a lot of kinks, he didn’t actually have to be their. He would have to meet this guy Downtown, and not at his house. He hated the hotels. He groaned. He should leave. People would start showing up soon. Shouyou logged off and cleared the history. Got his things and left the library. This month was going to be extra annoying.

-oOo-

 

It was an overwhelming burning sensation that finally made him shout. He couldn’t keep it in. He didn’t understand what was happening. Why his dad was behind him. Why it hurt so bad. Was this supposed to happen? Was this supposed to happen to every kid? He tried scooting away, off of the bed. But he was pulled back, his dad’s hand firmly on his neck. He sobbed into his bed sheets. Slap slap slap. He didn’t understand. He didn’t get why this was happening? What did he do to deserve this? His dad continued to thrust into him. He could only wonder what that meant. He focused on the sheets. They felt soft, they were so soft, and smelled like his mom's detergent. His mom was nice, his mom didn’t hit him, his mom didn’t take pictures of him with his clothes off, his mom didn’t touch him under his pants, his mom didn’t make him touch her, and she didn’t do this. She would help him, she would make sure dad didn’t do this again. That dad would stick to the spanking, and the belts. This was a different kind of pain.  
His dad stopped his sexual indulgence on him when he hit thirteen, after a sex ed lesson that left Shouyou crying in his closet for hours on end. His dad had given up, maybe it was his age, maybe it was because his mother no longer left the house for weeks at a time. He didn’t stop his hitting. And it was when he was fifteen that his dad finally got caught. It had been the last night he had ever been close to him, had ever been hit by him. Natsu had broken a cup, Natsu had broken something his dad had payed for and many nights of a cock in him taught him to be as careful as he could possibly be with anything in the house. Countless nights with blood dripping from his ass taught him that he had to keep quiet and obedient. Countless days at school with bruises in places you should never get bruises, taught him how to be quiet and handle pain. But he couldn’t let his sister learn those lessons. He wouldn’t let his sister learn those lessons. So he screamed, he screamed as loud as he could and called the police, let his dad beat him half to death while the phone was left on in his pocket. Let his dad break his arm, he let it all happen.  
When he turned eighteen he needed money, his mom couldn’t afford treatment, let alone college. He couldn’t get a job, he had tried, but he was ragged and broken, he didn’t look like the trustworthy type. But he needed money, he was good at one thing. Taking a dick up the ass. And if that was the only way he could earn his living then he guessed it would have to do. He had to take care of his mom and sister, no matter how much he suffered for it.

 

-oOo-

Shouyou looked at the line. There must be at least fifty people waiting to go in. He frequented the club, he’d take women too but he didn’t particularly like women. In a sexual sense. Guys were just more his type. Well they were really all of his type, honestly. ‘Crow Like’ The sign said, there were lights around it, silly ones, that looked like they were pulled out of a movie set, like a movie theatre almost, but they turned different colors of the rainbow and moved in a clockwise motion. It was calming, a safe place. If he needed to escape from a pushy client then he could always just go up real close to the bouncer and he would be scared away. He had talked with bouncer a couple times. His name was Asahi. Nervous guy, sweet guy, really sweet. Shouyou sometimes found he had butterflies while talking to him, he was just so polite, and he would let Shouyou stand there for hours if he needed too, he even walked him home once, which was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for him. He didn’t think Asahi knew what his work entailed. And he would rather keep it that way, he didn’t want to disappoint yet another good person. His job title wasn’t one he wanted, but it was the only one he could do. Tonight, he had already met with one of his clients. Had a quick fuck in a cheap motel room, thank god he agreed to protection. Shouyou hated having to convince men that, yes, they needed to wear a condom. And now he was just looking to see if he could grab any over exuberant men exiting the club. He caught Asahi watching him more than a few times tonight. It was midnight, and they usually closed at 3 am or something. So he should be getting some early goers soon enough. The line was lessening, but still entering. It didn’t feel quite right though. Not tonight. He just had a gut feeling, Asahi was giving him this look that just made his insides go wibbly. “You selling?” A gruff voice, to his left, Shouyou jumped. He wasn’t expecting that. He quickly put on his best smile, straightening himself out, he looked out underneath his eyelashes.  
“You buying?” He asked, slight chuckle in his voice.  
“Depends.” The man smelled of the lint from vacuum cleaners and rotten eggs. Not exactly someone Shouyou would look forward to an appointment with, but enough money and he would do the job. The man shrugged and slunk back a couple inches. Shouyou flicked the band of his briefs and licked his lips. “Are you worth it?”  
“Oh, I’m sure i could take real good care of you.” Shouyou took a confident step towards the man and smirked.  
“What are your prices?” There we go.  
“50, for a handjob, 100, for a blowjob, 150 for a fuck.” Shouyou got even closer to the man, he gasped slightly for effect.  
“Expensive.”  
“Tight.” The man smiled and laughed. Shouyou pushed the man's hand from getting any closer to him at the moment.  
“Hard to believe for someone who does this for a living though right?” Shouyou leaned back, Was he really going to do this right now? He internally groaned, but externally smiled a little darker.  
“I take care of myself.” The man scoffed but stayed in his spot, hands in his pockets, he looked around. Shouyou waited for a response.  
“I’ll give you 100 for a fuck.”  
“Don’t think i’m worth the 50 at the end?” Shouyou tried to play cool. He hated when they tried to negotiate, he was great at sex, they should accept his prices like they do their cigarettes.  
“Bit pushy aren’t you?” The man reached for Shouyou’s arm, he dodged it circling to his side. The man sighed, rolled his eyes. “Fine i’ll give you the extra 50.”  
“Great.” Shouyou drawled, “Hotel or your house?”  
“How bout we just do this over there.” The man pointed to a small alley on the other side of the building. Who would actively want to fuck in an alley?  
“Sorry, babe, that’s not the kind of work i do.”  
“So you think your better then other whores huh?” Shouyou cringed. He stepped back a little. “You’re already expensive, and i can’t take you to my home, So we are going to do this here.” Shouyou shook his head.  
“Hotel, or home, i don’t make exceptions.” The man’s expression turned angry. His laid back posture turned looming.  
“So you're rejecting me? A whore, slut, rejecting me? Well, now that’s insulting.”  
“We can still do this, we just will need to move.” He really didn’t want to have sex with this guy. He could find someone better, newer, not this nut job. Shouyou blinked, and suddenly he was on the ground. Face throbbing. How the - He rubbed at his cheek, moving over to the side of his face, blood. This guy drew blood.  
“Fucking whore, scum, Should have known better than to ask you. Probably has aids anyway, dirty ass-”  
“Hey!” Shouyou looked up, Asahi was stomping over. He was making himself bigger. Shouyou pushed himself off the ground, only to be picked up the rest of the way by Asahi. The big lug. He didn’t know what he was getting himself into. “What do you think you're doing? You don’t just punch someone.”  
“Oh, but this isn’t someone, you see this is a product.” Shouyou felt his heartbeat speed up. “Something i wanted to buy, but then found out was a defect.”  
“Hey, you can’t talk to him like-”  
“Do you even know what he does, man? I have every right to punch him.”  
“What are you-” Shouyou cursed himself, Asahi was still holding onto him protectively. He held his breath.  
“Fucking bitch, he’s a whore, a prostitute. Another scum begging for money for sex.” Asahi looked down at him. Shouyou closed his eyes. Asahi wasn’t going to be able to get rid of the pushy guys, and the scary guys. All because of this one douche bag who wanted the whole world to know he tried to buy sex from a nineteen year old.  
“He couldn’t be, he’s just a kid. What’s your fucking problem?” Asahi’s grip on Shouyou tightened. And he could feel himself getting sick. Was that nerves? He wondered as the man and Asahi continued their yelling match. He soon realized he was being dragged back to the club. Leaving the man yelling his head off behind them. He was breathing really fast. Was Asahi going to turn him in? Was he going to get arrested? He was going to rot in a cell for the rest of his life. His mom wouldn’t be able to live anymore, and his sister wouldn’t be able to finish high school. He wouldn’t ever be able to get his degree. It took him Asahi going around back for him to realize he was crying. The door to the back opened, a black haired man stood in the entrance. He said something, Shouyou couldn’t tell he was thinking too much on what they were going to do that he couldn’t do anything else but cry. Asahi said something back and he was being Herded into the back. A small room, a water cooler, and a couch. It was red, and it was only him and the two men. He was sat down on the couch. He sobbed into his hands.  
“Please don’t turn me in, please don’t call the police. Please i’m sorry. I won’t come here anymore, please. Don’t turn me in.” He begged, curling in on himself. Asahi sat down next to him. Shouyou flinched. What if they weren’t going to call, what if they wanted to fuck him here? What if they were going to not pay? “I’m sorry.” He pleaded again. He peaked through his hands. Asahi was holding out a paper cup of water. He took it warily. Asahi wasn’t the type of guy to do that. But he was the type of guy to call the cops. He held the water as steady as he could as he shook.  
“It’s okay, we won’t call the cops i promise. And whatever else you think we are going to do to you, we aren’t. We just want to help.” Shouyou looked up, It was the black haired guy. He tried to contain his sobs. He was shaking though. “Are you okay? Can i clean up our lip?” Oh yeah. He thought. He looked between Asahi and The other guy.  
“Y-yeah.” He practically whispered. He looked over at Asahi, who was obviously putting on a fake smile. He looked a lot more sad than comforting. Shouyou looked back toward his lap. The other guy was rummaging through a small cabinet in the corner. He took out a first aid kit, and sat on the other side of him on the couch. He let the other guy turn him towards him a little, and let him do his thing.  
“My name is Daichi. What’s yours?” Shouyou didn’t answer. He trailed his eyes to Asahi who was still trying to smile right. He wasn’t. Then looked back to Daichi. “Don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone else, and we won’t tell the authorities.” Shouyou pondered for a second.  
“Hinata. Hinata Shouyou.” Daichi leaned back.  
“Hinata. Hmm. I think i’m done. Just keep it clean. Okay?”  
“Y-yeah, i know that.”  
“I wasn’t suggesting-” Daichi held up his hands defensively.  
“I know, sorry.” Daichi let out a breath. And packed up the first aid. He set it on the floor and settled in more comfortably on the couch.  
“How old are you?” Daichi asked, he looked a little bit sad.  
“Nineteen, i turn twenty in June.” Shouyou took a sip of his water, and darted his eyes back and forth between Daichi, and Asahi, and the Room. He took another sip of water. He needed to calm down, these guys weren’t going to do anything.  
“How long have you been doing this?” Daichi asked.  
“Do you just mean the money part? Or sex as a whole?” He paused. What would they say to that? His heart stuttered and he quickly took another drink of water, staring, embarrassed, at his lap.  
“Um...Both?”  
“Well i, um, i started working at seventeen. I needed money, and i couldn’t get a job. But uh i guess i have been having se - seex since i was well um. I was eight.”  
“Eight?” Asahi said stunned.  
“I’m sorry, did i say to much?” They were already disgusted. He was clean, he made sure he was clean. He got tested, and he always used a condom. He was clean.  
“What happened when you were eight?” Daichi asked, Shouyou looked over.  
“Huh?” He paused, and looked down at his water, he took another sip. “Oh, well. My dad wasn’t a very good person.” Both men had their mouths open a bit, a sad look in their eye. Even worse ten disgust, pity.  
“I see.” Daichi said. Closing in on himself a little. Shouyou held his breath. What were they going to do now. “Have you tried getting a job elsewhere?”  
“I have tried. But i haven’t been able to find one for three years. And all of them pay a lot less then what i need.”  
“What do you need?” Daichi asked.  
“Well, i have to send money to my mom, she can’t work outside of home, and i need to pay rent, and for college. It’s all a bit expensive.” He was just telling everything to this guy. What was with that? He was still sniffling a little.  
“What if you could get a job?”  
“That would be a miracle.” Shouyou chuckled and took another sip of his water. “But i doubt that would happen. I had one once but i kind of ruined it.” He laughed a little. This was a very strange conversation.  
“How did you ruin it?” Shouyou froze. He didn’t really want to say. But this guy was just dragging everything out of him.  
“H - had a flashback. Got fired after i hit my boss.” He looked nervously between the two men. Drinking the last of his water. He started tearing at the edges of the cup.  
“Do you have PTSD? Go to a therapist?” Daichi asked.  
“Yeah, as a kid i went to therapy, when i was fifteen and my dad got caught. I can’t afford it anymore though.” He said. The wax on the cup was falling off in little flecks.  
“You said you went to college, the one close by? What do you study?”  
“Uh huh, Voice and Opera.” He said, a little sheepishly. Most people didn’t expect him to study that.  
“Hey me and Asahi both go their too.”  
“Oh yeah? What do you study?” Shouyou found himself asking, after he tore a line down the center of his cup.  
“I study Social work and Youth services, and Asahi Studies Like Interpretation, like a translator for Sign language.” Daichi smiled.  
“That’s cool.” He said, his cup was completely torn up now. If he went any further he would just be dropping tiny paper pieces on the floor.  
“You know, i have been seeing you around here a lot more, Hinata, why is that?” Asahi suddenly said from the side of him. Shouyou looked over.  
“Um. Well my laptop broke, and i need it fixed for school and stuff so i have been working more. I lost half my income when it broke. I like camming more, but i needed it fixed.”  
“Camming?” Shouyou felt himself blush. It was new.  
“Uh. heh. Well, you don’t know?” Screw it, he was ripping the cup to pieces. Daichi coughed beside him. He looked over.  
“You don’t have to tell him about that.” He said, noticing Shouyou’s nerves. He thanked him mentally. “You know if you need a place to stay we have one.”  
“I have a place. Bit cramped but i have a place.” Daichi looked unconvinced.  
“How many people per room?” He was crossing his arms.  
“F- four…?” Why did he feel embarrassed? Daichi sighed and rolled his eyes.  
“Like i said, if you need a place, we both can offer one.” Shouyou looked over at Asahi, who was nodding.  
“Would i need to..”  
“No! No, never. Sorry just, we wouldn’t be holding it over your head.” Were these guys for real? No one had ever been this nice to him. “But if you don’t want that tonight, at least let us take you home.” Daichi said. These guys were, really nice. But he kind of needed to get another job in.  
“I was hoping to get another job in tonight actually…” He trailed off. What made him embarrassed to talk to people about what he did now? He was always a prostitute with a plan, but now he was a bashful kid. It felt weird.  
“How much would it be to you?” Daichi was suddenly standing. Fishing in his wallet.  
“One fifty-”  
“Here.” Daichi was handing him a wad of cash. He sat stunned for a second.  
“I Can’t take that from you, i didn’t even do anything.” Asahi was going through his wallet next to him. What was happening right now? His head was reeling.  
“Yes you can, please take it. It’s late, we have school tomorrow. You should take it.” Shouyou felt his breath quicken. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t just take their money.  
“I can’t, seriously, you earned that i didn’t” Asahi was also standing up now.  
“I’ll pay for half of the one fifty and Daichi the other.” Asahi said quickly handing that amount to Daichi. Shouyou gulped.  
“It’s really okay, i don’t mind at all. Please, take it.”  
“But, but you're already being too nice to me i can’t.” Shouyou could feel his eyes sting. He was going to cry again, shit. He was turning into a scared little boy again. He couldn’t do that.  
“You needed a job. But you’ve been crying. You’re already doing something for me by just keeping yourself away from dangerous guys tonight.” Daichi said. He smiled. It warmed Shouyou heart, at the same time sending an ache into his chest. Why were they being so nice? HE let out a little sob. Yeah he was crying again.  
“Okay.” He agreed, and let Daichi shove the money into his hand. Shouyou put it in his pocket and tried to wipe away his tears. “Thank you. Thank you so much. For the money, and not turning me in.” Daichi grabbed his arm and pulled him up from the couch.  
“Of course! Okay, let’s get you home, you should sleep.” Daichi linked their elbows together. Shouyou tried to hide his tears. With his hair. Quickly wiping them away with his other sleeve. “Asahi can you tell the boss that i am going to take the rest of the night off?” Shouyou let himself be led to Daichi’s car. He let Daichi get him inside. And he let him drive him home.

“So this is where i live.” It was a house. There were three bedrooms. And like ten residents. It was an absolute shithole. And Shouyou knew it too. He had to put up colorful curtains around his bed so he could do his camming without the client noticing what a fucking wreck the rest of the house was. And they were mostly gone in the mornings, so that’s normally when he cammed, or on weekend nights when they were out drinking. He tried to hide himself in his coat. God. This was embarrassing. He really was a wreck wasn’t he.  
“Want me to walk you inside?”  
“No no, it’s fine. Thank you. Thank you really, for everything.” Shouyou said as he unbuckled and opened the door.  
“I’ll see you around then? Maybe i can catch you on campus?” Daichi looked so hopeful.  
“Uhm, yeah. That would be nice.” And it would. The only friend he had was Kenma and he wasn’t much of a talker, unless they were texting. And even then it was mostly just links. He was lacking a decent conversation.  
“Sweet. You sure you good?” Daichi said one last time and Shouyou nodded. “Okay. cool. Hit me up if you need anything.” The car revved. And soon it was off and down the street. Shuyou looked at his phone. Daichi was a new contact in it. Along with, mom, Natsu, and Kenma. That was pretty much it. He chuckled to himself. And entered his house. It was a good night, better than most. Better then a guy fucking him in an alley that’s for sure.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobio does some stuff and watches some stuff happen and gets confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i am updating this literally the day after i updated this. I was kind of out of my game on this one though. but i'm thinking i'll just go through this after i'm done and edit it. Anyways thanks for reading and the support. It's weird. I haven't ever posted a fic in this fandom and i gotta say you guys sure are responsive. I mean my fic i have been updating since January has only like five more kudos then this one does in a night. Just, slow clap guys. Slow clap. anyways here you go. have fun with this mess i wrote and kind of wrote shit with.

Tobio figured it wouldn’t matter either way. He hadn’t seen her since he was twelve and since then he had been doing just fine. He doubted that she was going to do anything bad to him. He didn’t really know how to feel about seeing his mom again for the first time in seven years, she was a nice mom from what he remembered, but he also remembered seven years of taking care of the entire family by himself. So, it was a weird thing to say yes to, but it would also be a weird thing to say no to, and he couldn’t just ignore it, he couldn’t leave it unfinished. “Kageyama, Is something up?” Tobio turned, god, was he spacing out again? Suga looked at him from over the counter, smile creasing his eyes. He had met Suga about a year ago. It was his last year of high school, and his sister had just died. He was a wreck. He came into the cafe because it looked sweet. Table clothes on all of the tables, glass tops, the floor was a rustic wood and the walls were stony and cozy. Suga was working the late shift. And Tobio, had needed to leave his house. The minute he sat down he had started to bawl. Suga had rushed over. The cafe was relatively empty. And this stranger who he hadn’t even said hello to, had come over to help him out. Tobio and Suga ended up talking a long time after closing. He had walked away with the older male's phone number, and a bag of tiny cakes. He had gone to the cafe every week after that. And once he graduated he had been able to get a job their. Tobio stood in the center of the Cafe holding a broom. He looked over to Suga and shrugged.  
“I got a letter from my mom today.” Suga looked a little shocked.  
“How long has it been since you’ve seen her? What did she say?” Suga asked. Tobio thought the letter was a bit weird, she could have found him easier on Facebook and messaged him. Maybe that’s how she got his address. He continued to sweep.  
“She wants to meet up. She mentioned she remarried, i think she has a kid.” Suga hummed behind him, the counter top squeaked as Suga exited the counter. He sat down at one of the tables Tobio was working by.  
“Are you thinking of meeting up with her?” Tobio shrugged. He couldn’t decide. He didn’t know if she was a good person who did something bad, or if she was a bad person trying to be good.  
“I don’t know.” He finished all of the tables on the left side and the center floor. He trailed over to the other side and began sweeping again. The window in the front had the street lamps beaming through into their dimly light little shop. It was a comforting image, that had gotten him through his mourning period with relative ease. Suga was obviously a big part of that.  
“Do you think she is trying to make it up to you? With meeting up? I don’t think it’ll be a one off thing if that’s the case. I mean she probably wants to try and be a bigger part of your life again.” Suga waved one of his hands around and rested his chin on the other.  
“Yeah. I don’t know if i want that. I don’t think she knows that i’m the only kid left now. She didn’t even go to her own daughter's funeral.”  
“Non of you had any idea how to contact her right? I mean i’d say give her a shot. You never know.” If he hurried he could be done in twenty minutes. He shuffled along the tables a little faster.  
“I guess. I’ll message her tonight.”  
“You know, Kageyama, if you need someone to go with you i can.” Suga said.  
“No, i think i should go alone.” Suga sighed and got out of the table.  
“Okay, well if you plan to see her again i’d like to meet her.” He stalked back over to the counter, leaving Tobio to continue his working.  
“Yeah, Sure. I doubt i will though.” He looked over his shoulder at the clock. “Isn’t Daichi picking you up tonight?”  
“Yeup! But i think we’re just going to the bar, he still has to work.” Suga paused when he got his bag. He looked over at Tobio and frowned. “Are you doing anything tonight?”  
“No, school stuff probably.”  
“Come with us, then.”  
“I’m not nineteen.”  
“No one cares. Just don’t drink. Besides your twenty in December, come on. You never do anything.” Tobio grunted and finished his sweeping. He walked over to the counter, and went behind it.  
“I don’t want to intrude on your date night.” He hung up his apron and went out of the counter again. Picking up his own bag.  
“You're not the only one Intruding. Noya, Asahi, Tanaka, Bokuto and Kuroo are all going to be there tonight. Come on, it’ll be fun.”  
“I don’t have a choice do i?”  
“Nope! Come on, i see Daichi’s car.” Suga grabbed Tobio by the arm, and pulled him outside. He was going to regret this wasn’t he?

 

-oOo-

Tobio definitely regretted going along with Suga’s ‘let’s get Kageyama out more’ plan. He had things to do. He had a project for class. He could be, finishing that up. But no, he was stuck here. With Tanaka on his left and Kuroo on his right. Because Daichi had up and left tending to the bar, in a hurry Tobio didn’t quite understand. And Asahi had yet to show up at all. He really didn’t want to be bombarded by these idiots. Especially with Daichi gone, and unable to stop them. Suga just let it happen. Some help he was. “Suga, Kageyama. If you need a ride i’m gonna have to go now.” Tobio looked up from his glass of water and turned around on his stool.  
“Woa, wait, what happened?” Suga had jumped from his stool and padded over to his boyfriend. Tobio watched. They just got here. What was happening. “Is something wrong?”  
“It’s a bit of a story, but this kid me and Asahi have been spotting around, is kind of passed out in the background. He got hurt.”  
“Oh god. Okay well let’s go then.” Suga pulled on his jacket and looked over towards Tobio. “Coming Kageyama?” he looked to either side of him. Yeah, he was definitely leaving.  
“Yeah.”   
“I’m sorry-”  
“No no, it’s fine Daichi, stop worrying.” Daichi waved them both over as he walked towards the back room. The club was obscenely loud. People grinded on each other like they weren’t in public, and the minute he had walked in he felt on edge. This wasn’t his scene. He was out of place, but of course Suga had to be the one to drag him along, because he could never say no to Suga. “So, you know this kid?”  
“Yeah, well, we met him on Sunday, but Asahi had met him a couple months earlier, but he got hit Sunday and then we kind of just found a lot of things out.” Daichi rubbed the back of his head. Tobio tried to divert his attention to the crowd. It was early in the evening for this many people to be this drunk, he felt.  
“Like what? Do you know what happened?”  
“Some guy was making a scene, i don’t know if it’s really my place to say but he’s been prostituting himself...Asahi took him inside. I drove him home.”  
“Jesus, how old is he?” Suga asked.  
“Nineteen.”  
“That’s young.”  
“Yeah, i know. I feel bad for him, from what he’s told us he hasn’t been treated very well.” Daichi opened the door to the back. Suga and Tobio stood behind him. The room was blindingly red. Who thought that would be a good idea, to make everything in one room the same shade of red? It hurt. He caught a glimpse of the kid through the door. Orange hair burst in contrast to the walls. He was small, really small. He had a hard time believing this kid was his age, let alone a sex worker. The kid was holding an ice pack to his cheek. He looked to be cradling his side. He was obviously in pain. “Hey, You need help?” Daichi asked. Tobio was pulled out of his daze when the door shut behind them. Daichi was walking forward, Tobio watched as the kid looked up from the ground. “I got the car parked out front.” The kid was staring at him now. His expression fearful. Tobio blushed and looked away. “This is Suga, and Kageyama, i’m giving them a ride home. They won’t call the cops, promise.”  
“Okay… I don’t think i can walk.” Daichi nodded and walked over to the couch.  
“Suga you think you can support his other side?”  
“ ‘Course.” Suga and Daichi reached under the kid pulling him up from the couch. The kid grunted with pain, tightening his face and gritting his teeth.   
“You okay? Keep that ice pack, you’ll want it in the car.” The kid nodded.   
“I feel like he kicked through my lung.” The kid tried to let out a laugh, but it came out as more of a wail. Tobio took a step forward.  
“Yeah i can imagine.” Tobio wondered briefly if that what the kids hair always looked like. Did he dye it? “Kageyama.” He snapped out of his thought.  
“Hm?” Daichi gestured to Tobio’s left. He looked over. “The bag?”  
“Yeah could you grab it for me?” Daichi said.  
“Mmhmm.” 

 

Daichi had dropped him off all but ten minutes ago but he was already ready to pass out on his couch. Suga and them had left somewhat hurriedly. He had sat in the back with the orange haired kid, Hinata, was is his name, he thinks so at least… Yeah, it was hinata. The assignment he had to do was the regular word of the week. This week the word was ‘chocolate’. It was due Monday. He hadn’t done it yet. Not with his workload piling up like cars in rush hour. Thank god there wasn’t any school tomorrow. What did he have planned? He had something… was he forgetting something? Before he could figure out he was drifting into sleep. 

 

-oOo-

“So, Tobio, I heard you are going to be meeting your mom?” Oh god, how did Oikawa hear about that. Why did he have to hear about that? “How long has it been since you have seen her?”  
“Seven years.” He answered. They were at work, because of course he had forgotten about his shift. And Suga had mysteriously not shown up to his so here was the full weekday team, Oikawa, Akaashi, and Tsukishima. It was not a pleasant surprise.  
“What do you remember of her?” Tobio shrugged and stood up from the display. That would do for today. He wasn’t the best at the display, but Oikawa absolutely refused to do anything other than working with the customers.   
“She had black hair? She played a lot of board games with us. Even when she was there she kind of was gone a lot.” The day was hot. One of the first actually hot days. It’s like it skipped from snow to blazing in a couple of hours. It made the cafe tepid and uncomfortable. It was even more uncomfortable in the thick shirts they had to wear as uniform.   
“Suga mentioned it last night. I was just curios. I mean the only other orphan i can think of is Daichi.”  
“I’m not an orphan i still have a dad.”  
“He’s hardly your dad, i mean does even still remember you?” Oikawa leaned against the back of the counter, pressing his perfectly manicured hands against the waxy wood, he looked always ready to take a picture. Constantly showing off for his stalkers.  
“Shut up Oikawa.”  
“Oh, did i say something?” Tobio rolled his eyes. Did this guy not realize he was being a total douche?  
“Can you get out and actually start taking orders like your job implies?” Akaashi came around the corner.  
“Yeah, yeah, okay. I’m going.” Oikawa lifted up the counter and walked out. Grabbing his little pad and taking care of the early birds who had gotten there.  
“I don’t know why they hired him.” Akaashi said, holding a tray of cakes and other assortments of pastries. “Was it the pretty face or..”  
“Pretty?” Tsukishima had suddenly come up from behind the counter. Tobio jumped slightly. “Kind of girly.”  
“What’s wrong with that?” Tsukishima shrugged and continued on with his work. Tobio caught Akaashi giving him a look, a mad look. Tobio turned his attention to the shop, and spaced out. 

-oOo-

 

“...My husband, of course, is a lot like your dad. And your sister, she is just the sweetest thing. She’s five now. And your brother he is seven. I’d love for you to meet them.” Tobio looked out the window. The cars were zipping past. The train tracks, abandoned it seemed. “You could probably tell from the letter but i have moved. Doesn’t seem like you have, haha, just downtown now. Hmm. You go to college right?”  
“Yeah, art major.” Tobio twirled his tea.  
“Oh, how lovely. Although i always expected you to go into sports. You know, that was your father's dream.. Oh, yes, speaking of which how is he? I wasn’t able to reach him. Or your sister for that matter. What’s been happening?” Tobio winced. So she didn’t know.  
“Dad’s...okay. He’s getting worse but, he still remembers us. But, um, mom, Yuna died. Last year.” His mom's face flashed between sadness and anger and disappointment in a blink of an eye. Her eyes went red, and her lip trembled. Only for a moment, Before she gathered herself, and straightened in her chair.  
“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t there for her or you. I didn’t mean to bring that memory up. I’m sorry.” Tobio tinkered with his glass. What did he expect? She was barely there. Seven years can sever those ties.  
“It’s okay mom.” His mom suddenly stood.  
“I think i should go. I have a lot to do, i need time to process this but. I hope i can see you again, Tobio.” Tobio nodded as his mom gathered her things, and left a crumpled bill on the table. He sighed. He didn’t expect to be feeling this drained bringing that up. He felt a lump in his throat. He pulled out his phone.

Tobio) Are you free?

Suga) Yeah what’s up?

Tobio) Just met with my mom, she didn’t know about Yuna.

Suga) I’m at Daichi’s but you should come over.

Tobio) Okay.

-oOo-

 

Hinata was lying asleep on the couch. It was nearly 5:00 pm, he should be awake. Daichi said he had been sleeping since he had gotten there. Tobio had taken a seat at the bar table and watched as Daichi cooked and Suga sat next to him. He had been given water. Daichi had nothing but mugs, so he drank it from an oversized mug with the words ‘World's greatest dad’ Suga laughed when he saw it. He was the one to give it to Daichi for his birthday last year. Of course. It was weird, he kind of just wanted to be around Suga, Daichi was fine, but their was a stranger sleeping on Daichi’s couch. Suga seemed to notice he was staring and brightened up. “Daichi went to his place to gather him some clothes and things, found out that they thought he was moving out. Ended up bringing most of his stuff back with him.”  
“Yeah, basically just kicked him out. The inside was a wreck too. Kind of glad they did, at least he won’t get sick from that shithole.” Daichi continued to cook. His expression sorrowful.   
“Is he going to stay with you?” Tobio asked.  
“I mean, he doesn’t have anywhere else to go it seems like. And i’d rather keep him off the streets. He’s already done enough of that.”   
“You said he has been doing this since he was seventeen right?” Suga asked taking a drink of his water. Tobio’s stomach flipped. Seriously? Seventeen?  
“Mhm.” He looked back over to Hinata. He wondered how he had gotten into that. The blankets rustled. Hinata stirred. Tobio quickly looked back toward the counter. “Hey, Hinata, you awake?” The kid sat up fast. It startled him. Hinata looked around and then towards Daichi. “I have dinner if you want some?” Hinata’s eyes were glazed, his jaw hung slightly open and yeah, it seemed his hair did always look like that.  
“Dinner?” He asked.  
“It’s saturday, five P.M.” Hinata grabbed the side of his face. Then his clothes. And then padded around for his phone.  
“Shit.”  
“Yeah you slept for nearly fourteen hours.” Daichi said, seeming not to notice Hinata’s panicked expression.  
“I h had to be somewhere.” Hinata quickly tapped on his phone. Tobio watched. Suga got up from his stool and padded over to the boy.  
“You needed to sleep. You were just assaulted” Hinata covered his face in his hands, as Suga placed his own around the boy.  
“Never stopped me before.”  
“Can you even walk?” Hinata paled. He looked beaten, literally and figuratively.  
“...no.”  
“Yeah, judging by how swollen your ankle is I doubt it.” Hinata looked at his foot.  
“It’s just sprained.”  
“You can’t walk through.” Suga said sitting on the chair next to him. Tobio and Daichi watched them. Hinata growled and tucked the blanket over his foot. “This is Kageyama by the way, he was there last night.”  
“Mmhmm, i remember.” Tobio gave a little wave, and then tucked his hand back into his jacket pocket. “Hinata Shouyou.” He held out his hand. Tobio stared at it across the room. “Guess not then.”  
“So, Hinata, you haven’t told us how you got beat up.” Daichi suddenly said from the kitchen, packing the food into plates. Hinata rubbed his eyes and looked up.  
“The guy i had an appointment with brought his friends, they don’t like my work. Teaching me a lesson i guess.”   
“Has this happened before?”  
“When i was newer to it. I got better at judging people after that. But it still happens. Sometimes i just can’t give them want they want so they get mad. You know…” Daichi came out of the kitchen and place plates down on the coffee table. Tobio wondered over, Daichi had already claimed the chair next to Suga. So Tobio sat on the empty space of the couch Hinata was on.  
“So what do you study?” Suga asked before he could question him anymore on his work life.  
“Voice and Opera.”  
“Voice and opera… that’s in the same building as the other arts right Tobio?” Tobio nodded.  
“Oh so what are you studying?” Tobio finished chewing and set his plate down.  
“Studio arts. But we are in the top part of the building. Your down below right?”  
“Mostly.” Hinata laughed. “It’s like they hide us in a dungeon half of the day, and then just release us into the sunlight. I feel like a bat in that class. The theater we use for rehearsals is underground it’s ridiculous. The drama students got the better one.” Hinata scooted himself upwards on the couch and reached over to his plate. “Thank you for the food, Daichi, means a lot.”  
“Not a problem at all.” Daichi replied.  
“I just study plants and things.” Suga said.  
“Like biology?” Hinata asked.  
“No, it’s” Suga stopped and used air quotes around his “Floristry Operations.” words. “It’s stupid, i don’t know why i chose it.”  
“I don’t know, flowers are always really nice.”  
“They are!” Suga laughed at himself and picked up his plate of food. Hinata took a mouthful. Tobio could see his eyes light up. You’d think he just figured out that someone found the cure to cancer, he looked so amazed.  
“Daichi, this is really good!”  
“You think? It’s just what i usually make.” Daichi said, after ingesting a mouthful of food. Hinata nodded furiously which made Suga laugh, and Daichi blush. Hinata was, enthusiastic, for sure. Maybe a little too much. “Thank you.”  
“So Kageyama, how did the meeting with your mom go.” Tobio looked up from his meal. He shrugged.  
“She didn’t know about Yuna. She kind of just left after i told her.” He took another bite of his food. Hinata was staring at him.  
“Who’s Yuna?” He asked.  
“She was my sister.” Hinata furrowed his eyebrows.  
“Was?” He asked. Tobio internally groaned. He would have rathered talked about it without someone who didn’t know present.  
“She died last year.” Hinata still had that confused look. Tobio already knew what he wanted to ask. “Overdose, she was only a year younger then me. She got caught up with some bad people.”  
“And your mom didn’t know.”  
“My mom left us seven years ago. I only figured out she was still alive thursday. After my dad got Diagnosed with Alzheimer's.”  
“That’s a sad story.”  
“You're the prostitute who got beaten up last night.” Hinata’s eyes went from snarky to upset. Tobio paused. Shit. Suga and Daichi were both glaring at him. “Um” Tobio almost dropped his plate when Hinata started laughing. What was happening? Did Tobio just make him go crazy. He frantically looked at Suga for help, who was just raising an eyebrow, smile slowly getting bigger.  
“I can’t argue with that.” Hinata said. His eyes squeezing shut from laughing. He wiped at the corners of his eyes. “God, i’m a mess.” Suga chuckled through his bites and almost choked. Daichi was watching, seemingly just as confused as he was. “Thanks.”  
“For what?” Tobio tilted his head. He insulted him what was he being thanked for?  
“It was funny.”  
“Uh…” Tobio looked over to Daichi who was giving him that look. Like if you say the wrong thing you die look. Tobio gulped “You’re welcome?” Hinata just laughed more after that.  
“You’re too much.” Hinata laughed a bit more before settling down. Suga looked between the two of them and gave a huff. Tobio could only wonder what that meant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that moment when you realize a flaw, and try and fix that flaw, but only make everything your good at worse? yeah this is that.
> 
> * Shithole, was auto corrected to 'shibboleth' and i am just amazed that that is a word.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is shorter... Shout out to my friend for momming me into going to sleep at one. Hope you like it!

Daichi doesn’t remember his parents. Aside from occasional loose strands of memory that fade in and out of the forefront of his head he hasn’t ever really gotten to know them. He remembers his mom's yellow summer dress, and his dad crinkling green eyes, but other then that he has nothing. He was orphaned at five. He never found out why they had gone, he didn’t even know if they had really died. He was found in his home, after the water, and electricity were turned off, and the rent hadn’t been paid for two months. Apparently if they hadn’t had a stingy landlord he probably would have died in that house. That’s what his therapist had told him. And his foster family, and child services. He was placed with a family of four. He had gotten his own room, and own things. Physically they were there, enough. Emotionally, they were there enough. Daichi learned to take care of himself mostly. They were a great family, but he wasn’t their kid, and he knew that, and he knew they felt that way. They never formed that bond you get with blood. It hurt, but it was something that couldn’t be helped. So Daichi went along with his life in a manner of routine and hope for a future that would break from it. And that’s how he found himself a job. One that wasn’t in a boring call center or a grocery store, but a nightclub. It was a break from a typical routine, working most nights, and not taking a class at the college until after noon. Him and his foster family make it a habit to call every month, meet up on holidays and tell each other important things. They were even there for him when he figured out he was gay.   
Daichi met Suga in his first year of college. They were roommates. It was one drunken night of lust that Daichi had figured it all out. Kissing Suga was one of the highlights of his life. It was also one of the lowest points of their life. Suga had a date that night with his boyfriend. Suga was dragged from the room by his boyfriend and had showed up the next morning with a bruised cheek and bloody lip. It was the end of a two year relationship. It was a weird transition from support to boyfriend that was as awkward as ever, even going as far moving away from each other. But it had worked out eventually. Suga wasn’t okay with a lot of things in a relationship. He was scared to let Daichi meet some of his friends for months. And it took all of second year before Suga was able to talk about just how abusive his relationship was. Even a year later it struck rage in him.   
“Lost in thought?” Suga asked from Daichi’s couch. He stared up at him, playful smile gracing his features, Daichi could hardly contain his blush.  
“It was a long night.” Daichi replied, and set down his meal on the coffee table. Suga switched from his position lying down and sat up. Phone tucked away in his pocket.  
“Didn’t you get off early?” Suga asked picking up his plate.  
“There was a fight.” He didn’t need to tell Suga. Besides it was the kids business.  
“You’re not telling me something, Daichi, don’t think i can’t tell.” Suga said, sly eyes on him. Perseptive ass.  
“I’ll tell you if it becomes important okay?” Suga sighed and placed his hand on Daichi’s knee.  
“Okay, but if it’s something important by my standards, okay? Not yours, because yours are ridiculous, tell me.”  
“Can do.” the kiss was merely a peck, but it was enough to seal the deal. The rest of the evening went by sweetly and quietly. Just like their monday nights always did.

-oOo-

 

Daichi spotted Hinata a mile away. Actually it was surprising he hadn’t spotted him before. He was vibrant and bouncy. It was kind of impressive. The stark contrast between him and his friend he seemed to be following around. Daichi was debating going over when he noticed Hinata staring at him across the way. His eyes were wide, he looked confused, a bit dazed. Daichi grinned awkwardly and gave a small wave. Hinata looked down, face going dark, before Daichi could do anything else though, the boy he was following was pulling him away. And towards the art building. Daichi stood to the side of the walkway. Leg brushing lightly against the over sized walkway. Hinata was soon drowned out by the crowd of people and Daichi sat. Wondering, for a second at just what he had gotten involved in. “Daichi, you okay?” Asahi had sat down on the rim of the fountain, he held his backpack to his chest and phone pressed harshly against the canvas he looked at Daichi quizzically.   
“Yeah, i just spotted the kid from sunday.”  
“Oh yeah?” Asahi paused waiting for a response, Daichi sat down to make sure he didn’t make more of a fool of himself than he already has. Staring at nothing for thirty seconds. “Did something happen?”  
“No, just waved.” Asahi seemed satisfied with that and released the hold on his bag. They always had 20 minutes between their class at two pm. “How are you and Noya doing? I heard his dad recently got in touch?”  
“Yeah… He’s not handling it well to be honest.” Asahi squeezed his hand around his phone. They were always texting each other, even if it was mostly just Noya sending links and Asahi responding with sweet messages. Bunch of saps.  
“Oh, what happened? Is he okay?” Daichi knew of the situation a bit. To put it simply, Noya’s parents were not accepting of their relationship. Which was now treading on five years. Asahi shrugged.  
“His dad wants to meet up and talk, but he didn’t go about it very well, Noya didn’t go to any of his classes today.” Daichi observed him. He didn’t look worried, which would be normal, just sad. Like how he always got about that subject. And Noya and him have been living together since Asahi moved out too.  
“What did his dad say?” Daichi asked.  
“He didn’t apologize at all. It kind of looked like a guilt trip. He didn’t calm down after the call either. Just got up and left the building. I didn’t see him for two hours, and he came back high as hell. He hasn’t smoked for ages, and it was like cigarettes and other stuff, i don’t even know what. I don’t want him to meet his dad if it’s gonna be like that. It was hard for him to quite. He worked so hard to stop. And now he hasn’t for the past week. I don’t know what to do.” Asahi trailed off.  
“You’re not smoking again though are you, because if that is maki-”  
“No no no, i won't do that, i didn’t really like it all that much anyways. I just wish he would talk to me. He’s only been signing extremely minimally, and forget about sound. He’s not even wearing his aid.” That was concerning, Noya loved his dual speech. He was an expert at it. Being able to have one conversation with the group while a whole nother just with Asahi. It took Daichi a while to figure just what they were talking about, when one night out Asahi had sprouted a raging boner and a blush brighter than a fucking volcano. And Noya only didn’t wear his hearing aid when it was really loud. The smoking was the worst though. Noya had trudged through that shit hard. And to go back to it that quickly is what struck him the most.  
“It’s that bad?” Asahi nodded. “Have you tried taking away the cigarettes? Getting him out of the house?”  
“I don’t want to intrude like that.”  
“Intrude? You’re practically married, it’s been five fucking years, i think you’re allowed to overstep a little.” Asahi paled.  
“I can’t have him be mad at me.”  
“If you won’t do it i will. I’m coming over after class. You better not warn him because i will tear up your floors if he hides his stash.” Daichi stood up. Swinging his pack over his shoulder.  
“Daichi please, he’ll still be mad at me if that happens.”  
“Cigarettes kill, Dad’s are dicks and you two never fight.” Asahi’s lip quivered and he was back to clutching his bag again.  
“Yeah but-”  
“No but’s.” Daichi placed his hands on his hips. “Stop coddling your boyfriend. I will bring Suga next time, if he doesn’t stop.” He looked down at Asahi who now had his head in his hands.  
“Oh god, please no.” Daichi chuckled at his reaction.  
“Asahi, we’re gonna get him back. I promise, don’t think about if he will get mad at you, don’t think about what his dad is gonna do. Just think about him, and what he needs. We’ll get him back.” Asahi looked up. His eyes red.  
“Thank you, Daichi.” Daichi smiled at the sight. Asahi was to good for this world. He patted him on the shoulder.  
“Your welcome. Now. I have to get going. And so do you. I meet up with you at five.” Asahi nodded and slowly pried himself from the fountain. “Bye!”

 

-oOo-

 

//What the hell is Daichi doing here?//  
Noya signed at Asahi, sitting up cross legged in their rather unmade and shuffled around bed. He was only wearing socks and boxer shorts and Daichi had no reason to be embarrassed, this was the kid that walked around naked in the locker room. “I’m here for your cigarettes.” Daichi boomed from the bedroom door. Noya’s face fell. His head immediately going to his hands. Daichi winced. He wasn’t even fighting back. He pointed reluctantly over to the dresser. “Sock drawer?” Noya nodded. “Cliche.” Noya flipped him off. Daichi rummaged through the drawer until he found four packs in the back. He turned around and saw Noya looking up from his hands he couldn’t quite get what he was signing, he wasn’t fluent. But Asahi soon noticed his confusion.  
“Said he’s got more in his jeans if you can find them.” Daichi looked down at the floor. It was way messier than Asahi usually let it get. Another thing to worry about. Asahi turned back to his boyfriend, taking a seat on the bed while Daichi rummaged through the piles of clothes ravaging the room. “How was today?”  
//Mom texted.//  
“What did she say?”  
//She said she didn’t know my dad had contacted me.//  
“She lives with him how did she not know?”  
//They are separated again. That’s what she told me anyways.//  
“Again? But they just moved back in together.” Daichi found several jeans with packs in them. He moved on to rummaging through the dresser drawers.  
//I’m not that much of an addict. //  
Noya protested, though not very thoroughly since Daichi found yet another pack. He held it up to his face and shook it. “How many fucking packs have you been doing a day Noya?  
//Two.//  
“Jesus Noya this is almost as bad as last time.”  
//Cut me some slack Daichi, i’m having a bad day.//  
“More like a bad week. Fuck!” Daichi found a little bag of white stuff. WAs that fucking cocaine? How did he even get that? “What the hell is this? Cocaine? Seriously? Are you fufcking kidding me?”  
//At least i’m not a drunk.//  
“I’m pretty sure cocaine beats drunk at this point.” Daichi scoffed. Noya went from argumentative to solemn too fast. “I’m throwing all of these away. Outside, like four blocks away.” Noya clutched at Asahi warmly. Shoving his face in Asahi’s neck. So he brought on ‘i’m ignoring you’ Noya, great. Noya signed something he didn’t understand. He looked at Asahi for help. Asahi sighed and ran his fingers through Noya’s hair.  
“Said he has some weed under the mattress.” Daichi rolled his eyes.  
“Keep it, it’s better the Cocaine.” He threw the small trash bag over to the corner of the room and sat down on the bed next to Noya. He ran his hands over his face and let out his breath. He placed his hand on Noya’s shoulder, he looked up from Asahi’s neck. “Come here.” Daichi said. Noya pounced on him. Arms circling Daichi’s middle like a kid who was having a fit would. Daichi could feel Noya’s breathing pick up and him to start crying.  
//I miss him so much. -- -- -- --- -.//  
Daichi looked at Asahi.  
“‘But i never want to see him again.’” Daichi held him tighter in his arms. He knew this wouldn’t be end of the drugs but maybe it would be the end of the sleeping all day. He carded his fingers through Noya’s hair and watched as Asahi held his hand with conviction. Tomorrow would be better. He just had to keep saying that. Tomorrow will be better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nice nice?? eh? eh? fugget abowt it! hyuuuge! what the fuck am i doing?  
> Okay i couldn't get italics so it's modified, it looks bad, but it works. formatting. ngyauhg. THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is shorter, but after i wrote that scene i just couldn't add anymore to his POV, without feeling like i ruined it. Suga's Pov is next i think. I hope you like it and don't think it's too sappy. because i am all for sappy. and anything that is somewhat flashdance-esque.

Yuu snuggled into Asahi’s chest. The warmth of his skin heating up his own. He wanted to smoke, get out of the house and stop thinking about his dad. Stop thinking about that stupid conversation over skype about boundaries and rules and how HE felt how HE had such a hard time after Yuu LEFT. How his dad missed him and wished that they could have gotten together sooner. It was such bullshit. He needed to get away from it, break something. He was so angry. So he did what he did when he was seventeen, he got a pack of cigarettes. He went to the corner store bought a pack. Walked to another corner store a little more away, bought two packs. Went into downtown, bought three. He didn’t know what to do after that. Smoking wasn’t calming his nerves. It was making him on edge, he had quite and he was ruining it. So he went into a bar. And drank until he couldn’t feel his fingertips. And then he bought something off of a shady figure in an alleyway. He hadn’t ever tried this, he wouldn’t be ruining progress with this. Everything felt like watercolors, looked like watercolors, it was little more than muscle memory that brought him home into a trembling with worry Asahi. He could remember the bath that was drawn for him. Asahi helping him get out of his clothes. Washing the smell of booze and sick off of him. The soft cottony feel of a shirt, and the musty fresh smell of Asahi. But it was blurry. And it had been replaying in his head for a week. Now he just wanted to forget his dad had ever called. It was easier to forget then face the fact that his family had kicked him out for being gay. Face the fact that his dad had punched him so hard that night that he had blacked out for a couple seconds. Face the fact that he hadn’t seen him for almost four years and that he never wanted to again, even if he missed him so much. He missed his dad so much, he missed having someone to be proud of him, to wake him up on his birthday to give him pancakes in bed. He missed his family. Not his and Asahi’s stitched together one made up of rugrats and misfits, but one where they had traditions and blood and embarrassing stories of his toddler years.  
Yuu sniffled into Asahi’s shirt, tucking his face into his chest more. Daichi had left an hour ago, after Yuu had persuaded him to leave the alcohol. He whined slightly. “What’s wrong?” Asahi asked, running his fingers in misshapen patterns onto his back. Asahi had convinced him to put on his aid halfway through Daichi’s rampage. He did, with reluctance. Everything was so there, when he put it on. All the sound coming at him from one side. But Daichi’s signing was some of the worst he’s seen and the amount of muffle he heard was far better with the aid then without. Even Tanaka was better at signing and all he had bothered to learn was the dirty talk Yuu fed Asahi through a cleverly disguised innocence. Although Tanaka didn’t know it was dirty talk…. Which was why it was better.   
“I’ve been thinking…” His voice was hoarse, he hadn’t actually spoken since he had talked to his dad. He felt too tired. Tone was terrible to pay attention too. All those years of speech therapy paid off, but he’d much prefer it if Asahi only signed at home. Talking took a lot out of him. He missed that about his family too. His parents both had Waardenburg syndrome, and while his mom might only be slightly hard of hearing his dad was completely deaf. And all those hours of being around people and having to use all of his energy on their faces and straining to hear what little he could was exhausting. “You’re signing is perfect after these years…”  
“Well i would-”  
“Just give me a minute. I know it’s harder for you then me to get it, but i want to sign at home.”  
“Yeah?” Asahi said, the tracing stopped.  
“It’s just, it’s so exhausting to do it all day. And i have strain to hear everyone and it’s - well when i was at home nobody talked. It felt like my head could decompress.”  
“I can do that.” Yuu looked up from Asahi’s chest and smiled.  
“Really?” he choked.  
//Yes.//  
Yuu beamed, lunging forward to connect their lips. Cupping Asahi’s cheek, Asahi was too good for him.  
// I love you. You know?// Yuu signed.  
// I love you too.//

 

-oOo-  
Yuu decided to skip wednesday too. And thursday. On on thursday Tanaka had finally decided to show up and visit him. Ramming his wheelchair against the door midday until Yuu finally woke up and let him in. When Tanaka remembered the little button that Yuu would actually be able to know someone was at the door. He opened it in little more than Asahi’s shirt and his boxer shorts. He yawned and rubbed his eyes. “You have a key.” Yuu looked at the frazzled state his best friend was in and started to laugh. “How long were you out here?”  
“...Like ten minutes.” Yuu snorted.  
“What did you forget i’m deaf?”  
“Forget i have no legs?” Tanaka teased.  
“I think you’re the one who forgot you have no legs, buying a fucking apartment on the top floor of a building that’s elevator is always broken.” Tanaka rolled his eyes and wheeled his way into Yuu’s apartment.  
“I like to be above people's heads.” Yuu closed the door behind him. Making his way to the living room's couch Tanaka pushed his wheelchair up to the couch and climbed up into the cushions, he pushed the device to the side of the couch and settled. Yuu sat down next to him. “You haven’t been to school. I thought you were sick last week, left you some food i got but you weren’t answering my texts. But then Asahi mentioned your dad and it made sense. Why didn’t you call me? I know you don’t like to trouble Asahi with the details but i’ve known you since we were five.” Yuu rubbed his face.  
“I couldn’t talk to anyone. I barely talked to Asahi, Tanaka. I went on a binge.” Tanaka’s eyes widened and Yuu could feel his whole arm being pulled toward his friend.  
“You idiot!” Yuu winced. “How could you? You worked so hard!”  
“I know i know! Okay, jeez, what is it with you guys? Daichi already raided the apartment. I think Suga’s going to kill me if he sees me.” Tanaka punched him in the shoulder. “Ow.”  
“Well if you would come and talk to me when you got like this maybe you wouldn’t be feeling that right now.” Yuu rubbed his shoulder and watched Tanaka’s face as he went from angry to sad. “How many packs?”  
“I don’t even know. There was a couple in my sock drawer, in my jeans, bedside table…. Daichi didn’t take the weed, took the cocaine though.” Tanaka punched him again, harder.  
“Cocaine?! What the fuck Yuu?” Tanaka’s stumps moved up and down. He fiddled with his hands. “Jesus christ. You're not going to see him are you?” He shrugged and wrapped himself in the extra fabric of Asahi’s shirt.  
“No, but it doesn’t help anything. I still miss him.”  
“Have you talked to your mom about it?”  
“Yeah but she isn’t that much better, i only heard from her a year ago, i mean she barely accepts me and Asahi, and my dad was the one that hit me and kicked me out.” Tanaka sighed.  
“You know, I don’t know what to do with you. You’re bumming me out, and yourself. And i think what you need is to watch Scott pilgrim vs the world and eat popcorn with me. So i have on question. Where is my fucking popcorn?”

 

-oOo-

 

Yuu woke up to Asahi carrying him into the bedroom. He blinked and checked the side of his head. His aid was still in. He looked sleepily up at his boyfriend. “Where did Tanaka go?”  
“I let him out. You both were asleep. Had to carry him up though because of the elevator.” Yuu nodded and curled into his Boyfriend's neck. Planting a kiss into the crevice between his shoulder and neck. He felt Asahi chuckle, and took it as encouragement. Taking the kiss further and sucking, tickling the skin with his tongue. He moved up Asahi’s neck and towards his jaw doing the same there. Asahi sat them down suddenly on the bed. Yuu straddled his boyfriend, kissing him all over his face. Creating several hickies. “Noya, i have work tomorrow.”  
“You work at a bar, and…” Yuu fiddled with his Aid and haphazardly placed it on the table. //Remember?//  
//Yes but it’s also late.//  
//Just a little more kissing?// Yuu signed, making sure to pout his lip and grind down a little bit on Asahi.  
//fine but i want to kiss you.// Yuu was suddenly being flipped onto the mattress. He giggled and squirmed reaching for Asahi’s neck and face. Desperately trying to kiss him, but instead he felt his shirt being pulled from him. Asahi looked down at him, Yuu had a contented smile on his face as he watched his boyfriend. //you’re pretty.//  
//you’re a sap. But i love you, now kiss me.// Asahi laughed and pressed their lips together, letting Yuu explore his Mouth. He opened his eyes and looked into his boyfriend's closed ones. He was beautiful. Not pretty, not handsome, just beautiful. Perfect in every way, even if he didn’t believe it. And the kiss was mesmerizing. Having been pushing him away all week he found his lips warmth invigorating. Melting him into their duvet. He clasped his hands behind his neck. And deepened the kiss, he caught Asahi’s eyes flicker open and smiled into it. Asahi pulled away so only their noses were touching. Eyelashes close enough to flutter against each other. Their was a lump in his throat. Growing more as he looked at Asahi’s breathless expression. What did he ever do to deserve this, this, perfect domesticity. He never thought he could love like that. Not with all the girls offering him flowers in middle school and the boys awkward stares. His parents disapproval on the TV. Not someone who would learn his language so diligently and make it his life's work. Not someone who could not only handle all of his energy, but also all of his exhaustion with the world. The world made him ache, but asahi let him breath. He felt his eyes sting, and tears threatening the barrier, he shuddered. Asahi pulled away.  
//are you okay?// yuu shook his head.  
//I don’t know// He gasped, letting a sob hit. // I don’t know anything. I’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m happy i’m just so happy and sad. I don’t understand why this is happening.// Yuu wiped his eyes //This is so ridiculous, why am i crying?// he laughed and sobbed at the same time. Asahi rubbed his thumb in circles on Yuu’s cheek. //I don’t know how i got you, and i never want you to leave. I’m so scared you’re going to leave, i know you’re not, but my parents did and they knew me my whole life. I love you so much and i don’t know if i could handle that. Never leave me. Please don’t leave me.// he was full on sobbing. Still smiling, but sobbing nonetheless. Asahi bent down and planted kisses on both of his cheeks. Warm lips on his blushing face felt like a promise. His forehead, his mouth. Asahi pulled back.  
//I would never do that. Never ever. You’re the only one. Okay? The only one.// Yuu squeezed his eyes shut and nodded. Asahi pulled him up, wrapping himself around the smaller boy and pulling them onto their sides. Yuu opened his eyes, and brushed the hair out of his Boyfriends face. It was getting really long. He smiled, tears streaming down his face. //it’s only going to get better// Asahi signed before Yuu could curl himself, his face pressed against Asahi’s forehead. Arms trailing around him, limp. He kissed him one last time before he settled. And pulled the blankets over them. “I know i’m not supposed to talk, but Noya?”  
“Yeah?”  
“You’re worth everything.” Yuu chuckled, and hummed into the blankets.  
“You’re a sap. But i love you, now let’s sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my friend for talking about Asahi and Noya headcanons for literally five hours.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suga's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying stuff out, to make this easier to read. i just want it to look nice. oh and sorry i didn't update this last night.

Daichi had told him enough. It made Koushi’s bones burn. A father that kicked him out nearly five years ago had called his friend. For, what seemed, like no other reason but a selfish one. He showed up at Noya’s place early that friday morning. Noya wouldn’t be at school if he was still in the state he was tuesday. Koushi clicked the little button on the side of the door and heard a little ring through the door. Footsteps. 

Thump  
Thump  
Thump

Click

Noya was at the door a few seconds later. Redheaded more than he was willing to show in public. Face flushed, eyes red and raw, purple bags lining his exhaustion. All he was doing was sleeping yet he looked tired. Koushi cursed, he had probably gone out when Asahi was gone and gotten more cigarettes. Noya looked up at him and his eyes went wide, he brought up his hands and opened his mouth. He’d come here to scold him, but looking at his face he could see him on the verge of tears, that he was on the verge of tears for two weeks. Koushi sighed, he stopped the boys edge of frantic explaining and brought him into a hug. He could never blame him anyways. Even is Noya killed someone Koushi wasn’t sure if he could hold it against him.  
“I was going to tell you tonight. I’m so sorry. I let you down, i’m so sorry.” Koushi pulled him in tighter along with his breath.

“Let’s go inside, i’m making you real food. Not that shitty takeout you always get.”

 

Noya sat at the dining room table with his mug of hot chocolate and the blanket Koushi had forced on him. Halfway through the cooking he had decided that they needed hot chocolate. If nobody was going to talk. It was just some soup. It was all he could find in the pantry. Noya was tracing patterns onto the wooden table, his feet tucked up to his chest on the cheap chairs they had found at a garage sale. Koushi set the bowl down in front of Noya and one in front of himself on the seat next to his friend. “Talk to me.” Noya sighed. And chugged the rest of his hot chocolate.

“Dad called.”

“I got that, but what did he say?” Noya looked around nervously.

“He just told me how much he missed me. And that he was said when i left. He was the one that pushed me away from my entire family.” Noya paused for a second to breath. His cheeks were heating up and it was spreading across his nose. “He wants to meet me he didn’t say when. Mom says i should but mom barely accepts me and she was the one that wanted me to stay. I just. I didn’t only lose my family when i got kicked out i lost my language, and my culture. And do you know how alienating that feels? Asahi was shit at signing at that point and the only people i had been exposed to who signed was my family. And sure my aunt and uncle signed when i moved in with them, but they were hardly ever there. Just taking care of my necessities in slight disgust at my relationship until i left. I just don’t know if i can forgive him for that, i haven’t forgiven mom, and i can’t forgive him. But i miss him so much, i miss all of them so much. I miss my siblings that i haven’t talked to for six years because dad always told them that being gay was disgusting and i don’t ever want them to tell me that or look at me like that again but i want to see them. I miss going to the movie theaters early on Sunday mornings to see the closed caption movies. Suga i don’t know what to do. I want my family back.” He took another deep breath, trying to reign in the tears that were already affecting his voice. Koushi placed his hand over Noya’s and squeezed. “You and Daichi weren’t there in high school so you don’t know everything that happened. But you know how i started smoking after i moved in with my aunt and uncle… But i also did other things. I stayed out late. And drank. And i thought at the time that, if my parents weren’t going to be there to raise me what was the point in trying to be a good kid? Tanaka found me passed out near his house in third year. I hadn’t moved in with Asahi yet. I almost went back to my parents house. And i wonder if i did, would i be happier now? I mean can’t imagine, because i wouldn’t be with Asahi if i had gone back, and that would be miserable but i feel so cut off from my old community and it stings.” Koushi pulled Noya’s hand up gripping the small hand with both of his.

“You should meet with your dad.” He said bluntly. Noya looked at him with surprise. “You hate him for what he did to you, and i hate him for what he did to you to. But your family was your world. You had a lot more to lose then some people and just hearing you talk about it i think you should go meet him. I think you should bring someone with you, and i don’t think it should be your boyfriend since that was the reason he kicked you out. But i think you should see him, maybe with your mother. But you need to set this to rest. Whether it’s reconciling with them or cutting them off forever, you need to do something. Otherwise you’re going to go on another binge, and you’re going to regret it.” Noya’s lip trembled, and it took all of Koushi’s being not to just reach out and hold him right there.

“Okay. I’ll meet with them.” He said, squeezing Koushi’s hands back. “Can you come with me? Tanaka will just blow up at him if i take him.” Koushi nodded, and gave Noya’s hand a small kiss before placing it down on the table.

“Of course.”

The morning continued with a weird breakfast lunch hybrid meal and another round of hot chocolate. Until Koushi had to leave for his shift. Noya waved him goodbye from the door. And before Koushi left he turned around. He couldn’t believe he never asked. After three years. “I can learn to sign.” Noya paled.

“What?”

“I can learn to sign. You said you felt cut off and i know i’m not deaf or hard of hearing but i’ve known you long enough to say that it’s kind of a dick move if i don’t.” The look on Noya’s face made Koushi’s heart stop. He had never seen the kid look so happy.

“Whenever you’re free. Please. Yes. that would be amazing.” Koushi smiled and nodded.

“Sunday?”

“Sunday.” They both agreed and waved. Sending Koushi off to his shift at the coffee shop. He smiled. It went well.

 

-oOo-

 

Koushi helped get Hinata to the bathroom. Daichi had gotten back into the car after they had got him up the stairs. He was going back for some of Hinata’s things apparently. Koushi knew that Daichi was going back their not because he wanted to get Hinata some of his stuff but because Daichi, being the sweet man he is, was going to practically adopt this boy and Hinata was either going to accept that or be really freaked out. Koushi didn’t care. What he cared about was getting Hinata out of the clothes that smelled like cum and alcohol. Hinata was not shy as Koushi helped him undress and get into the bath. Not even caring as Koushi helped wash his hair and inspect his bruises. He just went with it like it had happened plenty of times before. It saddened him, and he could see why Daichi had taken an interest in him. Hinata was positive through and through, even with a what looked to be sprained ankle and blood dripping from his ass he was dealing with it like it was a joke almost. Maybe he was delirious, who knew. But Koushi that this kid was sweet the minute he saw him sitting innocently on the backroom couch. Koushi rummaged through his overnight bag, and then his entire drawer of things in Daichi’s room and gave him some pajamas. They were way to big on him. He wondered even if Noya would be taller than him. He chuckled to himself. And before he knew it, Hinata was passed out on the couch in a bundle of blankets Koushi had said he could use. And he found himself alone. Waiting for his boyfriend to get back from his silly overprotective mission.

“Hey.” Daichi entered. Holding a box of things. Koushi got up from the bar stool and walked over. 

“Hey! Did something happen?” Daichi sighed and looked at the kid on the couch. “Why do you have so much stuff.

“They kicked him out, Koushi. I went over there and they thought i was there to move out all of his things.”

“This late at night?” Koushi asked.

“I don’t know. But it was a mess. There wasn’t a spot of ground that didn’t have a stain. He doesn’t have anywhere to go. They all seemed to hate him at his house.” Daichi sighed and set the box down under the lip of the counter. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do.” Koushi bit his nail. Watching as his boyfriend racked his head for solutions. He had already made the decision. Hinata would just stay with them. Kid could use some help. And he knew Daichi wouldn’t be able to live with himself if anything bad happened to the kid.

“Let him stay, if he wants. Okay? Don’t worry about me.”

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes. I’ll help you get the rest of his stuff okay?” Daichi nodded and leaned into his boyfriend. Koushi smiled and breathed him in. Running a hand through his hair he smiled. What did he ever do to deserve someone who cared this much?

 

-oOo-

 

Koushi watched fondly as the subject of the arts sparked a vivid conversation between Kageyama and Hinata. Kageyama didn’t usually talk this freely with people. Daichi kept flashing looks between Koushi and the pair, raising an eyebrow every now and then. Dinner went well. And Kageyama left better then he came. Which was something that Koushi was hardly ever able to do significantly. When he turned around he saw Hinata staring off into the distance, fondly. “Daichi told you what happened, yeah?” Hinata shook out of his daze and looked at Koushi, sighing a second later.

“I got kicked out.”

“And that you can stay here.”

“I don’t want to burden you guys. I can get on on my own, i can move back home if i have to.” Koushi shook his head and walked over to sit on the couch.

“No, no, you’d have to drop out. Come on, stay with him, i don’t even live here, there's an extra bedroom, and you wouldn’t have to pay rent until you got a job.”

“I can’t just take things from you guys, you’re being so nice to me already. Way nicer then you should to someone like me.” Koushi hissed and scooted closer.

“It doesn’t matter what you do to get paid right now. I can tell you’re a good person. Please. Do this for us, do this as a favor to us.” Hinata looked at Koushi, his eyes wide. They stared at each other for a moment, till Hinata dropped his head.

“Okay. Thank you. I’ll stay.”

“Good. We have some boxes of your stuff.” Hinata nodded. And fiddled with the knitted blanket. Koushi turned around to gather the boxes before he paused.

“Monday; blue, rain, fresh, drowsy. Tuesday; navy, boats, wood, tea. Wednesday; Orange, Halloween, cider, fall. Thursday-”

“What are you doing?” Koushi asked, as he picked up the box. Hinata jumped from his mumbling. 

“Mm, It’s just something- i do. When i’m anxious.” He made sure to not look at Koushi, or anywhere near him, and instead focusing his attention on the big window behind the couch.

“Yeah? What is it?” Hinata quickly glanced from side to side.

“I name the days of the week and four things that remind me of them…. It’s weird.”

“What reminds you of Thursday?” Koushi asked and set the box down in front of the couch.

“What?” Koushi smiled.

“You didn’t get to finish. You were on Thursday.”

“Oh… Waltz, soup, Mom, and stained glass.”

“Why waltz?” Koushi asked. He was standing just behind the coffee table, ready to go get the other box.

“My mom liked to take dance classes. On Thursdays. And while she was gone i’d count the rhythm… till she got back. My dad didn’t work on Thursdays.” Koushi watched Hinata’s expression. There was something behind his exterior that Koushi couldn’t quite pin. Something had shaken the kid, to his core. Koushi took a step forward. “I never liked Thursdays.”

“Did you like Fridays then? What’s on Fridays?”

“Fridays are nice. Not the best. Fridays are; Christmas lights, Dancing, red cups, fancy cars.” Hinata paused and then finally looking at Koushi said, “I could tell you the whole week if you want?”

“Yeah, go ahead. I’m curious now.” Koushi laughed. And went to go pick up the second box.

“Saturday; Wood floors, cartoons, cereal, Natsu. Sunday; Woods, mugs, singing lessons, snow.” Suga placed the second and third box on the coffee table, and took a seat on the chair next to him.

“Who’s Natsu?”

“My sister, she should be in middle school this year.” Hinata smiled. “I haven’t seen her for a year. I’d have to take a plane to get to see them.”

“What’s she like?” Koushi asked, leaning on his elbows.

“She looks a lot like me. I think it’s my fault, i got her into volleyball. Mom sends me letters and photos all the time. She’s obsessed. It’s cute. Uh, but, she gets way better grades than i ever did.” Hinata laughed, he had a giant smile. It was warming. 

“She sounds fun.”

“Do you have any siblings?” Koushi blinked. Oh, he thought.

“Uhh, my mom's tried but she can’t have anymore kids.”

“Is it just you and your mom then?” Koushi shook his head.

“No, my dad just travels a lot for work.”

“You like your dad?” Hinata’s question startled him. He pondered for a second. HE barely got to know his dad as a kid. His parents had always been there physically for him, but emotionally, it always seemed that they were detached. He didn’t have many friends in school either so he mostly made things for himself. He could perfectly recall the imaginary world he had made for himself as a kid.

“Uh, huh. I don’t know. We don’t talk much, me and my family.” Hinata nodded. And bent down to rummage through the box. Koushi watched and smiled. Hinata let out a sudden chuckle.

“I think Daichi took some of my roommates things. This is way more stuff then i have. Look it’s her knick knacks.” Hinata showed a tiny little turtle figurine and set it back in the box. He laughed again. “None of this stuff is mine. This is kind of funny.”

“You think they were trying to get rid of stuff on you? I think they had packed your bags when Daichi got there.”

“Just like them too. Bunch of jerks. Wouldn’t even let me hang the blankets around my bed till four months after i moved in.” Hinata moved the first box aside, and started rummaging through the other two. “Crap i think they have my laptop. But the rest of the stuff is good.” Hinata smiled, and set both down next to him.

“We can go give them their stuff and grab your laptop tomorrow. How’s that?”

“Sounds good.”

 

-oOo-

 

An overwhelming chill took over the night. Koushi slept peacefully curled up against Daichi’s front. Breathing in his scent. At some point between all of Daichi’s restless sleeping the blankets had been kicked off. The chill sent goosebumps on his skin. He groggily woke up to pull them over himself. It may have been spring but the winter chill was still pervading the air. And if Koushi was being honest, Daichi’s apartment was drafty. He sat up, quietly collecting the comforter and copious amounts of quilts and fuzzy blankets Koushi had brought with him up onto the bed. Trying to cover as neatly as he could, himself, and Daichi. 

A suddenly apparent sound made it’s way to Koushi’s head. Recognizing it when he finally got out of his drowsy state. Why did he wake up again? He looked around. No one was in their apartment. He got up. Someone was crying. Who would be crying? Koushi walked out of their room. Taking in the dimly light apartment, and orienting himself. Hinata. Hinata was crying. Koushi snapped out of his fog and took immediate action. Hinata had been yelling. And now he was crying. He opened the door to the guest bedroom and found the small boy folded in on himself at the edge of the bed. “Get off, get off, get off.” He was whispering, choking out between quiet sobs. Koushi wondered up to the boy and knelt down.

“Hinata. It’s me, Suga.” Hinata didn’t answer. He continued to cover his ears in fetal position. “I think you’re having a flashback. But you’re safe. You’re in Daichi’s apartment. Me and him and you are the only ones that are here. You are safe.” Hinata didn’t move but his whispering stopped. Koushi sat on the edge of the bed, and had his hand hover over the boy. “Hinata. Are you with me?” Hinata nodded, and released his ears. “Good, good. Can i put my hand on your shoulder?” Again, Hinata nodded. Koushi did so. “You know where you are right?”

“Daichi’s place.” He whispered. Koushi nodded. And smiled, even though he probably wouldn’t be able to see.

“Good. How can i help you calm down?” Hinata shook his head. “Okay, if you don’t know i’m going to stay here okay? You have water?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Now get your head on the pillow okay?” Hinata did, and pushed himself up to the pillow. Koushi pushed himself all the way onto the edge of the bed. “Do you want to do your weekdays thing?”

“I can’t remember..” Hinata said through a sob.

“That’s okay. That’s okay. Sometimes that happens.Want me to tell you what i do when i have a panic attack?” Hinata nodded. “Okay. well when i have a panic attack. I try first, at slowing down my breathing. And i imagine how waves go in and out to match it with that. If i can’t get a visual. Or someone isn’t there to help me match my breathing with. Do you think you can do that?” Hinata nodded, and Koushi could see his breath try, jagged, through the sheet. “Good. And when i am able to get my breathing under control, i try to think of one unimportant thing. No time, no deadlines. Like a tree. And then i imagine exactly what it would look like, and how it would be for different things. Can you do that?”

“I can’t think about anything else.” Hinata’s voice shook, and his breathing picked back up.

“It’s okay, if you can’t do it we won’t do it. We could just talk, so you have something other than the bad things to focus on. Does that sound good?” Hinata nodded. “Hmm, now let’s see. What can we talk about. Oh i know!” Koushi layed down beside Hinata on the bed, facing the ceiling. “Did you know that plants can recognize their siblings? Yeah, and when that happens they can give them special treatment, like competing less with them. Like giving them root space. Isn’t that cool? Hmmm, what next. What else do i know… Hmm… okay. How about that wasabi isn’t actually spicey until after you crush it? Because the plants cells are damaged and it mixes to create the spice.” Koushi paused for a second and looked over at Hinata who was still shaking. “You’re okay, Hinata, you’re safe.”

“I know, i’ i i’m sorry.”

“There’s no need to be sorry, you’re doing just fine, you’re all okay. Is there anything you need me to do?” Koushi waited for a second and turned on his side. 

“Can, can i hold your hand? And can you keep talking? I’m sorry. I don’t mean to keep you from sleeping i just.”

“Sh shs sh, of course. You need some help, nothing to be sorry or ashamed of okay?” Suga held out his hand, and smiled. “Okay, let’s see what else i can remember….Did you know that some cacti can survive up to 300 years? And that, this is kind of a funny one, but the spines of a cactus has like an areole which is basically saying that cacti can have nipples.” Koushi heard a snort come from Hinata. “I know, it’s funny.”

“Do you only know plant facts?” Hinata asked sleepily under the blankets.

“Mostly, i mean i know food facts too. Like that i can eat an entire gallon of Caesar salad and still want more.” Hinata let out another laugh and Koushi did as well. “Feel any better?”

“Yeah, i do. Thank you.”

“Want me to stay a bit longer?”

“If that’s okay?” Koushi nodded.

“Of course. But i’m not gonna talk, because you should sleep.” Hinata nodded, and closed his eyes. Koushi smiled and watched as the muscles in his face slowly started to relax. He stayed until he could see Hinata’s breathing slow, and knew he was asleep. He slowly and carefully got himself out of the guest bed, and made his way back to his and Daichi’s room. He’d sleep in tomorrow. It was his day off, he should enjoy himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/facts-about-the-plant-kingdom?utm_term=.ecyP0Bk0z#.kaOyWgdWO
> 
> http://www.softschools.com/facts/plants/cactus_facts/501/
> 
> These were the sources i used for the end conversation if you're interested.
> 
> I basically just listened to synth pop the entire time i wrote this chapter. Like the shiny filled trash i am. And i am definently reccomending Angel Olson's shut up kiss me. If you're interested.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be chapter seven, because i was going to do Asahi's POV, but like it wasn't coming out of my fingers, and this chapter was hard enough. It was like trying to turn thread into gold, and i'm to stingy to call for Rumpelstiltskin

Someone was coming through his door. It had opened quite suddenly, striking a pit of stony fear in his gut. And he trembled trying to hid in his sheets. His dad’s booming voice came through, and Shouyou whimpered. “Get out of the blankets Shouyou.” He couldn’t help but obey. His hands shaking as he let go of what he so badly wanted to do, run away. 

It went like it always did. His dad thrusting into him, and Shouyou trying to hold in his sobs. He tried to look away from the mess, but as soon as he did, his dad caught his neck. Shouyou tried to scream, only to be choked. His face pulsed, and he was sure he was turning blue. He struggled between the thrusts trying to escape. Gasping for a release under his hands. He was being choked but why could he still breath? The scenery suddenly change. His dad nowhere to be seen. Instead of the darkened light of his bedroom, it was the bathroom stalls of his high school. He breathed heavily. Closing in on himself as he realized he was standing now. “Whoring yourself out, huh? We saw you last night.”

“It’s a mistake i swear, you don’t know what happened.” Shouyou pleaded with the other high school boys, shivering, it was cold, really really cold.

“Oh, i think we know what happened. Are you gay or something? It was a guy you were with right?”

“N-no i’m not i swear, please leave.” The boys chuckled and stepped closer. Shouyou flinched. Trying to get their hungry gazes on something else. Their animalistic resemblances away from him.

“Do you like to fuck guys?” Shouyou shook his head, and coward against the stall. The tallest boy rushed forward and forced his hands down Shouyou pants. He closed his eyes, if he could just get away, to another picture. He opened them again, and standing behind the boys was Kenma. Shouyou whimpered.

“This is what you do? You’re sick.” The words hit harder than the rest of it did. The ground crumbled beneath him, and all of a sudden he was falling, fast. The words surrounded him, over and over again. 

 

He jumped upright. Heavy breathing he tried to calm himself down. It was just a dream, it was just a dream. “Monday; blue, rain, fresh, drowsy. Tuesday; navy, boats, wood, tea. Wednesday; Orange, Halloween, cider, fall. Thursday; Waltz, soup, Mom, and stained glass. Friday; Christmas lights, Dancing, red cups, fancy cars. Saturday; Wood floors, cartoons, cereal, Natsu. Sunday; Woods, mugs, singing lessons, snow.”

“Shut the fuck up Hinata!” Shouyou jolted at the sudden noise. And he heard a pillow thump against his blanket fort and fall. He took a deep breath and grabbed his phone, and the clothes he had folded on the tiny dresser he made. And dressed himself. He was drenched sweaty. But he’d have to wash it off in the sink, until he got back home from work. Stupid nightmares, Stupid assigned shower times. He stepped out of his fort and looked to the girl in the top bunk on the other side of the room. She was glaring at him. 

“Sorry Akiyama, won’t happen again.” The girl scowled and threw herself back down on her bed. Shouyou grabbed the pillow and placed it on the end of the top bunk. He excused himself from the room and picked up his bag hanging on the door. He had planned to meet Kenma to get some coffee, but on second thought he probably should just steal from the communal cash if he wanted to get his laptop fixed. So he did. And rushed out of the house.

-oOo-

 

Kenma walked quietly next to him on their way to class. Shouyou, surprisingly was holding a cup of coffee. That kenma, ever so sweetly, had paid for. The summer breeze had just hit, making Shouyou strip his jacket and resign it to his bag. Kenma glanced quickly at his arms. There were a couple bruises, not too many, and certainly not as many as he had sometimes, and he guessed his face was still a little bit bruised from the punch last week. Kenma sighed. “You want to say something?” Shouyou asked, with a laugh and a smile.

“You know what i’m going to say.”

“That i’m hurting myself? That i’m wasting all of my potential? Come on, Kenma, It’s just sex work, it’s not bad.” Kenma shook his head, and looked back at his phone.

“I’m not saying sex work is bad. You don’t get it. I just think that, i think that you are hurting yourself on purpose.”

“I’m just trying to make money.”

“And what are you doing with the money you do make? Not going to therapy? Having nightmares every single night? I’m not blind. I know you’ve been through stuff.” Shouyou shrugged and nervously sipped on his coffee.

“I can take care of myself.”

“I don’t think you can.” Shouyou scoffed, and walked faster getting a little ahead. Kenma, didn’t push any further, so Shouyou was happy to keep walking at the slightly too fast pace.

 

-oOo-

 

The man he had an appointment with met him five blocks away from Crow Like. He had an nice face. Medium stature. And Shouyou didn’t suspect any problems until later when other men showed up at the hotel. After getting his money’s worth, fucking him into the bed, Shouyou knew he would be sore the next day. He had been surprised with this guys friends. He had panicked trying to grab his things as quickly as possible and leave. But before he could get his clothes back on he was pushed back down. The men kicking and punching and twisting his body in painful ways, they spat and threw slurs at him until after twenty minutes of torture, they left. Shouyou couldn’t find his phone. It had to be somewhere in his pockets. Probably. He groaned and pried himself off the natty carpet and dressed himself to the best of his ability. He needed to get help. Someone needed to - The bar had a back door. Asahi had.

Before he realised what he was doing, he was already at the club. The door was open, thank god. He collapsed inside, dragging himself onto the couch he padded himself for his phone. His head felt dizzy, he couldn’t tell, but he was pretty sure his foot was broken. His vision went blurry when he opened his phone. The words faded in and out against each other, his eyes making it look like he was staring into headlights. The dizziness persisted. He felt his body turn into a weight of exhaustion. He drifted. 

“Hinata.” Shouyou jumped, his heart stuttered in his chest. Someone was touching him, he crawled, frantically, hitting his head on the back of- the couch! He was at the club. He looked around and realised Daichi was crouching down in front of him. “It’s okay, You’re safe, it’s me, Daichi, and Asahi.” Shouyou let his eyes trace the room and land back on Daichi. “Hinata are you okay? Do you need to go to the hospital?”

“No, hospital.” Shouyou said frantically. Pushing himself up, he fell back down once he felt the piercing pain reverberate up his spine. He laid himself back down, wincing. Daichi noticed.

“What happened?” He asked. Shouyou shook his head. Sending his vision of the charts blurry. He held his head. “Jesus, please let me take you to a hospital.”

“I can’t go, please.” His voice was breathy, and he held in a gasp of pain as he tried to get up.

“Fine but let me take you to mine. I can patch you up there.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” Shouyou said. His head was reeling. He felt sick. He could still feel cum or was that blood dripping out of his ass. One of his more rough customers, well he guessed he wasn’t even a customer since he didn’t pay.

“Okay, I’m going to get some people i have to drive and i will be right back, hold tight.” Shouyou closed and opened his eyes sleepily. Why was he so tired all of a sudden?

 

Suga helped cleaned him up. Shouyou could hardly do anything else but let everything happen. Kenma had found him last time something like this happened. And he was quick to put him to bed. Something about Suga’s voice reminded him of his mom, as weird as it was to say. And the shirt Suga gave it didn’t smell like the rust in the washer and dryer he had at his own house. And the apartment was clean. It was homey. Shouyou wanted to just melt into it. Suga showed him some blankets and let him rest his eyes. He woke up when Daichi came back, and told him what happened. He was to dazed to do anything about it. And he drifted off into sleep again.

 

-oOo-

 

The least he could say is that he liked him. Kageyama was surly and asshole, and a dick, but he also loved the arts with the same passion Shouyou had for music. And that was all that mattered really. Besides, he had a wall, and Shouyou could tell, because he had the same one. Shouyou waved goodbye at him happily. He didn’t notice Suga giving him a look until Kageyama had left. He snapped out of his daze. “What?”

“Nothing. Just think you’d get along that’s all.” Shouyou shrugged, and laughed.

“I guess.”

 

“You should come out with us sometime.” Shouyou blinked. He hadn’t ever gone out if it wasn’t for a job. Kenma much prefered to stay inside on the weekends and all they ever did together was watch a movie and then hurriedly rush off. He wondered what going out was like in real life, with people and friends, and drinking. He couldn’t drink for another month but… “Hinata?”

“Oh! Sorry i spaced out. But yeah! I’d love to have some friends to do that with. If it wouldn’t be any trouble.” Suga smiled. It crinkled his eyes. Making him close them, it was always so genuine Shouyou didn’t know how he did it.

“Of course! You know Asahi, we usually just go to where him and Daichi work. But it’s a nice place. Have you met his boyfriend?” Shouyou shook his head and took a sip of his water, listening with interest. “Yeah, his name is Nishinoya, we call him Noya. I think you’d like him too.”

“Does he go to the same college as us?”

“That’s how we all met, he studies History. Year above you i think. It’s your second year right?”

“Right.”

“Well you should meet him. Hey, wait a second i’m seeing him tomorrow. Want to come with?” Shouyou thought for a second.

“Yeah. Sounds fun! 

 

-oOo-

 

“Goodmorning.” Shouyou waved from the kitchen bar stool. He had been fiddling with his phone, unable to sleep after the second nightmare, which was around six am. So he’d been up, waiting for everyone else to get up so he could ask if he could make some coffee, or eat some of their food. Because he was absolutely starving. It was now ten am. And four hours of crossy road was starting to grind on him. Suga waved sleepily as he crossed to the kitchens interior.

“How long have you been up?” He said through a yawn. He opened the kitchen door and grabbed some milk.

“six am. I was wondering if i could make some coffee or something?” Suga paused for a moment and rubbed his face. He looked really tired.

“Oh, god, please do.” Shouyou chuckled and hopped off the stool. Heading for the coffee maker he saw on the right. Suga sure wasn’t a morning person, was he? He didn’t seem to mind mornings since that meant he didn’t have to be trying to go to sleep anymore.

“Thank you!” Suga paused with his milk and Cereal bowl in front of him, Shouyou watched as he prepared their cups. Suga’s shoulder twitched.

“OH! Oh, i forgot to ask. How are you after last night?” When he was in between houses, and crashing on Kenma’s couch, he had asked the same question. Kenma didn’t know about his dad. And had never asked about his family, Although Shouyou suspected that he had his suspicions. He couldn’t recall telling suga anything. He hinted at it a bit with Daichi and Asahi. He thought for a moment. He was as fine as he ever was. He turned around and leaned against the back of the counter while he waited for the water to heat up.

“I’m all good!” He smiled. And turned back to the coffee. He poured two mugs. “Is Daichi going to want some?”

“No, i think he left around nine, to do something, somewhere...i don’t know i wasn’t fully awake.” Shouyou nodded and walked the cups over to the bar. He sat and stirred his mug blankly. Focusing on Suga’s extremely slow food making. It was just cereal. He seemed to be extremely tired.

“You don’t live here right?” Suga shook his head. “Then why is your stuff everywhere?”

“I have an apartment uptown with my friend from high school Ennoshita. Although i had a dorm with Daichi my first year.” Suga brought the two bowls over, and sat next to him on in of the stools. Shouyou stared at the cereal for a second. He hadn’t ever had this brand.

“Why didn’t you guys just move in together?” Shouyou didn’t mean to offend Suga. He suddenly felt himself tense up, and Suga was tensing as well. He stuttered before Suga butted in.

“I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship.” Suga sighed. “I couldn’t handle it. But that was three years ago. Now i have two homes!” Shouyou was a bit taken aback, but accepted the new development and ate his breakfast. “So, first we’re gonna pick up and drop of some things at your old place? Yeah? Then i’m going to take you to meet Noya, k?”

“Sounds good to me.”

-oOo-

 

Every window in the house let in an abundance of warmth that immediately made Shouyou begin to sweat. It seemed to have the same effect on Suga as it did him. At least he wasn’t the only one who thought it was ridiculously hot. Another thing he noticed right away was how seemingly bright everything in the house was. There were touches of neon's to every grey and dull Shouyou could find, and in an odd way, it worked. Noya had run to the door with loud thumps and footsteps, and had let them in, and lead them to the dining room table. Were promptly sat, with his legs crossed and a smile on his face. He had been greeted with an enthusiastic handshake. Shouyou had felt the nerves completely fade away at the prospect of meeting someone new, and melted into the friendly environment. HE barely had anything to say, though, as he listened to Suga and Noya exchange pleasantries, until Noya faced him instead. “So you major Voice and Opera then?”  
“Yeah! And you’re studying History right?” Shouyou and Noya shared excited grins at the other knowing things about them. Suga laughed. “You have an amazing apartment by the way. You even have a balcony.”

“Oh! Haha yeah, it was Asahi’s decision. I was rooting for the one in Suga’s and Daichi’s building.” Noya rubbed the back of his head, and laughed. “Speaking of that place… You’re living their right? That happened kind of fast.”

“WEll i kind of got kicked out of my last place.”

“Oh yeah? Why is that?” Shouyou shrugged. He didn’t really know, they always hated him. It was a surprise he was even able to move.

“Maybe they didn’t like my work? They always hated me.” Shouyou chuckled a little bit.

“What do you do? I’ve had friends who have been in that situation before too.” Shouyou looked over at Suga whose smiled had vanished and was replaced with slight apprehension and worry. Did Noya know? Did Noya not know? Should he tell him? Why was he so embarrassed all of a sudden?

“No-”

“I’m a prostitute.” He paused. He didn’t mean to sound so casual. He froze. Suga had apparently as well and was side eyeing him with a worried expression. Did he just fuck everything up? Instead of the initial pity or disgust he was expecting from Noya, he got a small laugh and a punch on the arm.

“So you got family issues too then?” Shouyou sat stunned for a second.

“You’re taking this surprisingly well.”

“Well i mean, i’m a recovering drug addict so who am i to judge?” Shouyou laughed after a second of silence.

“I guess that makes us fucked up buddies huh?” Noya nodded and held out his hand. Shouyou high fived him.

“Fucked up buddies for the win.”

“Definitely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the credit goes to My friend for helping me through several breakdowns.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tanaka's pov with a shitload of sads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, i already admit i'm trash and this is trash, but it's trash i spent a good hour researching on how hospitals treating the effects of rohypnol and like finding the bare minimum on, so like i have to be proud of the time i put into it right? right?

Monday, and it was the start of the week. He had a shift at the parking lot that night. Along with Noya, who had finally shown up to work. Not that their boss cared if they actually bailed. IT wasn’t monitored at all. Which was probably the only reason Ryuu was able to get the job. They had put the radio on, and he was humming along to it. No one was coming in to park today, which was typical for a monday, they were just happy they got weekends off. Noya hummed a little louder then he should be humming and Ryuu pushed his wheelchair the tiniest bit back and hit his stool. “Hey! What was that for?”

“For someone who can’t hear you sure are loud.” Noya rolled his eyes and went back to his book. “UHG! How much longer till our shift is over?” Noya pulled out his phone.

“Like two hours. I’m going to die. Hey, do you think it’s raining? What do you think those outside attendants do. I mean i guess it would be less hot down here, but my senses are dulled.” Ryuu could tell it was raining. He felt it in his joints, and his stumps. He carefully spun his wheelchair around, since it was very very limited space in the cubicle.

“It’s definitely raining. Hey, can you switch the music, i’m kind of sick of all of these bass heavy songs.” Noya gasped and swiped the phone away.

“How could you!” Ryuu stared him down for a moment before Noya pouted and started tapping into his phone, “Katy perry then?”

“Didn’t we make a playlist one time?” Noya nodded.

“AvriPerryIndulgence? Yeah, i’m down.” Noya turned on the music again. And they sat in comfortable silence with each other as they listened to the overplayed tune of TGIF. Noya hummed briefly before puasing and twisting in his stool. His legs precariously draped over the desk, and back leaning against the window. “So, i saw you with that guy at the bar on Saturday? He’s cute, what’s his name?” Ryuu laughed.

“Where are you taking this? We didn’t do anything. This guy was giving him a hard time and we chatted for a little while. His name is Yuuji.”

“Oh so you’re already on a first name basis now are you?”

“That’s just what he said, cut me some slack.” Noya chortled and brought up his book again.

“You remember high school when we both had a giant crush on Kiyoko? And when i started dating Asahi, you were so sad. You know i saw her recently. She doesn’t go to our college but she told me she’s studying Medicine. Just like her right?”

“You saw her? Man, i wish i was there, i talk with her on Facebook a lot. You know she was the first one to visit me in the hospital after they told me they had to take off my legs?”

“Hey, i thought i was the first one!”

“That was after they were off. Anyways, when that happened, she still let me know what was happening in volleyball, even though i couldn’t play, she’d come back to my place to tell me about every game. So it kind of sucks that i didn’t get to see her.” They both paused for a moment.

“Second year royally sucked.”

“Yeah, and i was to busy to feel sorry for myself, taking care of your ass. Fucking druggie. Disabled druggie, you’re everything this nation hates!”

“And you’re a disabled gay, i think we are tied.”

“You’re also gay.”

“But i’m also really hot. So that gives me a pass.”

“Am i not hot?” Ryuu asked, placing a hand to his chest, offended.

“Nah, you’re sweet. The guy you take home for dinner.”

“Literally everyone i’ve dated would disagree with you.”

“You’ve dated like two guys!”

“And you’ve dated one!” Noya squinted at him, flipping him off as he slid off his stool.

“Two, fucking shey.” Ryuu wheeled himself around a little.

“Where are you going?”

“Bailing, no ones coming in and the boss won’t care.

“Fuck, fine, don’t leave me behind, you know how i hate this door.” Noya chuckled and held the door open as he wheeled himself out. “I appreciate it bro.” He said, in an overly husky and frat boy voice. Noya leaned in and mimicked him.

“No problem, anything for my bro, bro.” 

 

-oOo-

 

Tuesday went by as monotonously as it had the day before. Noya and him didn’t leave work early though, since people had actually been there today. Noya had walked down the hall to his apartment, leaving Ryuu waiting for the elevator. He couldn’t hear the usual hum of the shaft and waited. All the while getting more agitated. When was this building going to actually be suitable for him? He gurnted, and started to wheel himself to Noya and Asahi’s Apartment before the door by the elevators swung open. REvealing the cute boy from the bar. Ryuu wheeled a few inches back for good measure. The other boy, Yuuji, was his name, looked surprised for a second before he began to laugh. “Hi! Tanaka right? You live here?”

“Yeah, i do! What are you doing here?” Yuuji smiled and shut the door. He gripped his phone in one hand, while the other held the strap of a pretty beat yellow backpack. 

“I was visiting a friend. Funny coincidence.” Yuuji paused and looked between Ryuu and the elevator. He seemed to be thinking. Ryuu guessed what he was thinking, “What floor do you live on?”

“The top floor. The elevator is broken again.” Yuuji looked up at the dim and dirty light up numbers above the elevator and laughed a little.

“I always notice that when i come here. How do you live? Hmm… Need help getting up?” Ryuu was a bit surprised, he was expecting Yuuji to just go get someone else to deal with him.

“Oh, if that’s okay with you.” Yuuji smiled and nodded.

“Of course, I might need some direction though.” Yuuji chuckled and walked forward. “How do i help?”

“Uh, well I can hold onto your back, so you can open the door. Or we could rock this bridal style.” Ryuu laughed along with Yuuji.

“Okie Dokie let’s rock this bridal style.”

 

Yuuji carried him up the stairs, Asahi always carried him bridal style too, it was kind of weird how people preferred that to piggy backing, maybe it was his stumps. Yuuji sure was a trooper though, a lot more fit then he had expected. Carrying him up six flights of stairs wasn’t what you would call an easy task. “So… If you don’t mind me asking, how did you lose your legs?” Ryuu looked up. It used to be a question that caused him a lot of pain to answer, but it had been nearly five year now. He had to get used to people being curious, and it was way better then the stairs and babying other people did to him. He didn’t have an aid, when he had first lost them his family took care of them, and then he started going to physical therapy, and working out, and overall he could take care of himself. Stairs though, stairs were the bane of his existence. No one liked stairs, ramps sucked but like wheels worked on them, and a lot of people were in wheelchairs, stairs, stairs were stupid.

“No, i don’t mind. I lost them in my second year of high school. I loved volleyball. So it kind of sucked. But i lost them in a car crash, i was with my friends and we collided with a semi, they survived but i was in the passenger's seat. My legs were torn up really, really bad, i saw pictures, i can’t really remember what it was like after the crash, i was in an out of consciousness. At first they thought they could save them, gave me antibiotics kept stitching me up to try and get them to heal. It was only like two days before they figured out that they had to go. I’m just lucky it was all below my knees.”

“I bet it was hard.” Yuuji said. He didn’t even sound patronizing like other people did when he told them. That was a good sign.

“It was, but i had to worry about some other friend that year as well. College is so much better than high school, even with crippling debt.” Yuuji snorted.

“I can agree with you on that. So, who’s this friend?” His tone was forcibly curios, but Ryuu realized the undertones.

“His names Nishinoya Yuu, Lives on the first floor with his boyfriend.” Ryuu caught the hidden sigh of relief and chuckled to himself. “Who’s your friend then?”

“Hana, we went to high school together, she kept us second years in check. Wants to become a psychiatrist, typical, she always acted like one in high school.” Yuuji smirked, the reached the fourth floor. “Do you go to the club often then?”

“Yeah, my friends work their, and it’s a pretty good environment.”

“What friends?” Another slight wobble. Was this guy falling for him? He hoped so, he was adorable.

“Guy who lives down stairs and the bartender, Daichi, you met him.”

“Oh! The one who rushed out with the silver haired guy and the angry face guy.”

“Yeup, Sugawara and Kageyama.” Yuuji laughed.

“Do you know why he looks so angry?”

“That’s just his face.” Yuuji laughed and hit the last set of stairs.

“This is harder than i thought, and i still have to go back and get your wheelchair…. I probably should have brought that up first on second thought…”

“It’s okay, i will reward you for your efforts.” Yuuji paused, and smirked. His eyebrow raised, shit that was hot.

“How will you reward me then?” Ryuu gulped and giggled a little bit.

“You can’t do that, that was to much to take.” Yuuji snapped out of his sultry look and changed his expression to confused.

“What? Is that not what you meant?”

“Ohoh no no, don’t get me wrong, i’m all for it. I just wasn’t expecting that look to come from your face. And that was meant as a compliment on both ends.” Yuuji paused for a second and started to laugh.

“I guess i do turn to flirty to fast. Sorry.”

“It’s nothing to apologise for. I mean, i’m up for it.” Yuuji blushed and Ryuu helped open the sixth floor door.

“Yeah?” Ryuu nodded. “You got condoms?”

 

-oOo-

 

To be quite frank, Ryuunosuke did not realize Asahi opening the door. And it was with a loud moan from Yuuji that finally made him open his eyes and see Asahi staring horrified in the doorway, with his wheelchair set down in the doorway. Very suddenly a loud Noya came into view. Yuuji froze. Noya began to burst out in laughter. “Asahi! Come on, you now we’ve done worse!” Asahi was running from the doorway as well as Noya shouting about all of the places they did it in. To say the least, Ryuu was horrified. Yuuji blushed the brightest red and looked behind him.

“Are you going to close the door?” He asked. Yuuji paused for a second, and then, he didn’t even know it was possible, went an even darker shade of red. “OH!”

 

-oOo-

 

Yuuji gave him his number and left. HE said it was the most embarrassing and fun sex he has ever had. And left laughing. Normally that wouldn’t be a good sign, but he had gotten his number, so Ryuu counted it as a win. He woke up the next feeling refreshed and ready to take on anything. Especially with Yuuji texting him little thing throughout the day. It was like a dream. And the next two days passed by in a blur. It wasn’t until Friday that it had actually stopped and was replaced with a sour taste, and an ugly rainy awakening that made his stumps ache, and his cheeks cold. He trudged out of his house, groggy, the coffee had run out, which meant he would have to stop and get some on the way. He audibly groaned. And wheeled over to the elevator. Oh, that’s right, he thought after he pressed the button and there wasn’t any running hum. Another groan. Had Noya and Asahi already leave for the day? He hoped not. He opened up his phone, and dialed Asahi’s number.

“Hello?”

“Hello, did you already leave?”

“Yeah, Noya and i are at the school.” Ryuu slammed his head into the wall in front of him and stayed there. “Are you okay?”

“Fuck, i’ll be fine, guess i’m doing this the undignified way.”

“Oh no, Tanaka why don’t you just ask one of your neighbors?”

“Uhg, no that would be worse.”

“Fine, just don’t break anything.”

“I won’t break any ankles that’s for sure.”

“HA. HA. be safe. Noya says your dumbass by the way.”

“Tell him i told him he’s a dickface.”

“I don’t want to say that…”

“Oh my god bye!”

He hung up the phone and pushed it back into his pocket. Actually, Best he put it in his bag. 

Ryuu got out of his wheelchair and crawled behind it. He pushed it down the first flight. It tumbled and made a racket till it hit the bottom. Then after wards, Ryuu scooted himself down the stairs. He did this for six more flights until he got to the lobby, and righted himself in it’s seat. It was honestly a miracle that this piece of junk was not broken yet.

Next stop coffee shop. And as he entered he was greeted with the overwhelming sense that he did not belong. The first thing he encountered was a nice lady barista probably the same age as him holding the door open, that was nice, Ryuu could probably open it himself since it pushed in but it was nice, and he didn’t object, he said thank you, in fact it probably would have been nice and make him feel happy if it weren’t for the comment to another girl next to the barista. “Look at him go. So strong, poor guy.” That set him on edge. But he was willing to brush it off, in hopes of everything being better. He asked the barista at the lineup if he could put his order in his thermos. He said no. Which would be frustrating but acceptable if it was store policy, it wasn’t he was allowed to have his order in a thermos, but what made it even more frustrating is that he did end up getting it in the thermos. But only with another comment from another barista. “Oh come on, he’s been through enough.” And she was right. He had been through enough. And it would have been a good thing if he just left, right then. And gave a bad review later in his own revenge filled fantasy, but no, he had to have his coffee. So he placed it in the holder of his backpack and wheeled out of the store, feeling quite on edge.

At school, people kept offering to push his wheelchair, he didn’t need them to push his wheelchair he went fast enough on his own. People would stare, and hurry by so fast. Like he was either some relic to stare at, or some monster to be rushed away from, or worse, a child. Which is exactly why getting lunch with Suga was the worst part of his day.

They stood in the line to get an order when a man probably in his thirties stopped them. “Hello, can i help you guys with anything?” He asked, he didn’t work there, if Ryuu was correct, but he seemed nice enough that he let the conversation go on, he was very obviously looking at him.

“No, we are just getting lunch, but thank you.” Suga responded, ever so politely.

“Are you sure you don’t need help with him? So you can go up and order for the both of you?” 

“Um no, we are paying separately.” Ryuu rolled his eyes.

“Oh okay. My name is Maeda, what’s his name?”

“My name is-”

“You know my brother has a friend who lost his legs to cancer, is that what happened to him?” Suga furrowed his brows.

“You know, you can just ask him right?”

“Yeah, don’t talk to me like i’m not here.” The man went back to looking at him, he smiled.

“I don’t mean to be rude, i was just asking a question, hun.” Ryuu grimaced.

“Okay, you need to go. Please leave us alone.”

“Hey! No need to get hostile.”

“Sir, leave now.” The man snarled and turned around angrily. He left and Suga turned back toward him.

“Does this seriously happen all the time?” he rolled his eyes and nodded.

“I don’t know what it is about being disabled that makes people treat me like i’m a child.”

“And he called you hun.” Suga said, disgust in his voice.

“In that moment, i’m jealous of Yuu.”

 

-oOo-

 

Friday night was always the busiest in the entire week, something about getting off of work just made people go crazy. Him and Noya were no exception to the rule. They drank like there was no tomorrow. And Noya clung onto Asahi like he was his lifeline, Ryuu just laughed at them. He had met Hinata the day before. He was a good kid. Just a tangle of energy and optimism that Ryuu was almost jealous. Suga had dragged him along, as well as Kageyama who was sitting just far enough away from Hinata to not be acting weird. He had to admit, they weren’t very strict on their age policy, which probably wasn’t good, but they didn’t actually drink anything alcoholic as far as Ryuu knew. So, to be honest, he really didn’t give a shit. Yuuji and him had been talking all week, running into each other briefly at school. It was nice, it was casual. And the sexting definitely helped. So Ryuu, being the gentlemen he was, invited him out for drinks with his friends. Excited to see him in person. Of course, Yuuji agreed. He had been at the club quite a bit lately and enjoyed the atmosphere. “Hello everyone!” Yuuji greeted just behind Ryuu, he smiled and wheeled around in his seat. 

“Yuuji! Hey! Hey, everyone, this is Yuuji!” Noya giggled behind his hand, and Asahi kept his face covered as the blush reached his ears. Suga greeted him with a friendly smile, and a knowing look. Meanwhile Daichi was probably the only normal person to greet him. Yuuji gave a small smile and wave before sitting down next to Ryuu.

“Hello!” Everybody chimed.

“Sorry i’m late.” Yuuji said, “Got stuck in traffic, I probably should have walked here.” He laughed and traced patterns on the table with his pointer finger.

“No need. Downtown traffic is always bad.” They shared a laugh and both ordered a drink. Ryuu sipped on his while they chatted; Mostly about school, family, and the like. Fresh friends chatting. And all that. At some point he had ended up drinking quite a bit. Needing to go to the bathroom he excused himself. Daichi was on the other side of the bar, serving some lady who was complaining about the service. Yuuji dismissed him fresh drink in hand. Ryuu beamed, tonight was going really well, he had gotten to know Yuuji, learned he used to play volleyball in high school too, but had quite part way through his third year. He learned that he shared an apartment with one of Suga’s co workers and that they both had a mutual guilty liking for Katy Perry. It made his heart swell. Maybe Noya was right.

 

Something was wrong. Yuuji was gone, and Daichi hadn’t noticed him leave. It was going well so why would he be gone? He looked around the club, people jumped in the way of his view, grinding and yelling, spilling their drinks onto the floor. Ryuunosuke was just about to give up and admit that maybe it didn’t go as well as he thought when he saw him on a seat on the other side of the floor. He quickly wheeled over. There was a man sitting next to him, sucking on his neck, one hand thrust down Yuuji’s pants. Ryuu quickly glanced at Yuuji. He was limp. Making tiny small movements to get away, he couldn’t even hold his head up. He sped forward and rammed the side of his chair into the man's legs. The man jumped up, hands in the air. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He yelled, over the music and also out of rage.

“Hey, he just wanted to dance, okay?” The man said as he back away.

“Like fucking hell! He can’t even hold his head up and you’re telling me he wanted to dance?” Ryuu rolled himself further in on the man, cornering him against the wall.

“Look, no need to over react, we just got a little frisky, that’s all.” Ryuu scowled.

“Frisky? With my date? You just got frisky? Who in the hell do you think you are? Did you drug him?” It was obvious he was drugged, he was now laying on the bench having slid down the wall.

“What’s going on here?” Suga suddenly appeared from behind him, taking in the situation.

“Fucking demented pervert drugged Yuuji, had his hands down his pants!” He rammed his chair into him again.

“I don’t want to get into a fight with a crippled dude.” The man said.

“What did you just say to me?” The man looked terrified. Suga glowered and took out his phone.

“I’m calling the cops. You’d be in your right mind to stay here.” Suga said scooting him out of the way and pressing his hand to the man's chest to keep him against the wall. “Tanaka go get Daichi and have him drive you both to the hospital.” Ryuu nodded, waving over at a worried Daichi who was staring from the bar. He quickly rushed over.

“What happened?”

“He drugged and violated him.” Suga said pulling the speaker away from his mouth and then quickly resuming his call. Daichi furrowed his eyebrows.

“Hospital then?” Ryuu and Suga nodded. Daichi picked up the limp and whimpering Yuuji and took him out of the club. 

In the car, Ryuunosuke had Yuuji’s head laying on his lap. He was sobbing. He wasn’t getting any better, the drugs must have recently taken effect. He ran his fingers through his hair and tried to keep talking about mundane things. Trying to keep the sobbing guy from having a panic attack while practically paralyzed. Yuuji’s sobbing calmed slightly when they got to the hospital. He was sweating like crazy, as soon as Daichi was able to get him out of the car he vomited. Someone in the back of the ER rushed over to them with a gurney and lead them into the hospital, asking questions and making sure they were able to keep up, clearing spaces so Ryuu could follow slightly behind in his wheelchair.

Ryuu and Daichi waited in a small curtain drawn room. They had given Yuuji a drug that was supposed to help him throw up the drug. They had hooked him up to an IV. Daichi paced back and forth, and he wheeled back and forth. Yuuji was half passed out, he was looking at the ceiling for what seemed like hours before something changed, and he began to have tremors. A nurse went in and out, for a couple of minutes before the tremors stopped. Ryuu bit on his finger nails. Yuuji looked only slightly more coherent. “Yuuji?” He asked rolling towards the hospital bed. Yuuji looked at him.

“Am i in the hospital?” He muttered, his breathing shallow. Ryuu nodded. “My arms feel heavy.” He rolled his head to the other side. “That’s Daichi.” HE said. “Did he drive us?”

“Do you not remember?”

“It’s foggy.” Yuuji paused, huffing into his pillow. “When can i go home?”

“Two more hours.” Daichi responded. “They said someone should be with you for the next 24 hours.” Yuuji suddenly started to cry.

“Are you okay?” Ryuu asked gripping the side of the bed.

“I don’t know why i’m crying. I don’t know what happened.” His hand twitched. Ryuu felt his heart sink.

“You were drugged. I found you and a guy had his hand down your pants.” He said his head hanging low. How was Yuuji going to react to that? 

“Did you call the police?” Ryuu nodded. “Was it the guy who asked me to dance? I can’t remember after…” He trailed off, his legs twitching up and down. “I’m tired.”

“I know, it’s okay, you’ll be okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, hope you didn't waste your time! thanks for all the kudos and comments and bookmarks, honestly it's the bookmarks that keep me updating. i wrote this in like three days i think? Sorry it took longer.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuji's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realise that these chapters are longer, and i'm just going to tell you i have no idea if that's gonna keep going. I just had more ground to cover since these guys' povs won't be along for a while.

Being presentable was on of the most important things in his mother's life. The art of being beautiful had been crammed into him like a slot machine since before he could remember. His moms weren’t around very often, he thinks the only reason his dad didn’t get custody is because he smoked. That and maybe he just didn’t care. At home he remembers sneaking into his mothers’ room while they were away and his baby sitter wasn’t paying close enough attention to him, and trying on all of her dresses. His moms were so pretty, and he often wished he could be as pretty. Slim and curvy, Bleach dyed blond hair, long dangly earrings that would hit their shoulders and get caught in their hairs. There was a certain smell to beauty that you could detect if you lived in it. It smelled like glitter and warehouses and diamond shaped perfume bottles. It set his heart on fire, all of the glam and the glitter, the high expectations and the social events his mothers never took him too. He wanted the challenge of it all. To have his body be his hobby. 

All to often Yuuji could hear the faucet running for far longer than it took to wash your hands. He could hear his mom gagging silently. It didn’t register to him what it was until he was thirteen, and on the volleyball team. The kids would tease him for being too feminine, his hair tediously done up, his face primmed and primed the way he saw his moms do every morning. The light teasing and taunts weighed him down to practice more and more, everyday till he dropped.

He tried to make himself look like how he wanted to look of all those men in the fashion magazines and porn magazines his mom kept under her bed. He pierced his tongue with a friend that weekend, coloured his hair, and stopped using the tiny amounts of makeup his moms told him to wear. The worst part was is that they didn’t even notice.

It was when he was fifteen that the idea finally occurred to him. He was never overweight. His mother's making extra sure he would always be the perfect little boy, he had muscle enough. But it wasn’t enough, and that was the problem. His first year of highschool would have been great, but there was something stirring. His extremely monitored meal plan, and exercise plan. The way he would go a day without eating and the next day would end up with him sitting on the floor of the kitchen eating an entire bag of chips and all of the left overs resulting in having him shove his fingers down his throat. Afterwards sitting with vomit dribbling down his chin as he cried himself into fatigue in the shower.

Although it wasn’t until the second half of his third year that anyone bothered to take an interest in his hobby. Some of the team confronting him after his best friend had found him throwing up in the school toilets. How they noticed he wasn’t as bouncy as he had been the year before last. To be able to get away from it fast, he quit. The rest of the year was nothing but going to and fro from doctors offices, his mothers not knowing what to do with him and eventually throwing him out into the real world with some money and their phone number.

Yuuji flopped himself down onto the couch. He didn’t stop himself from running his hands around his stomach. It dipped. He grabbed the sides on his hip bones and sucked as much as he could. This was stupid, it was so stupid. He blew out harshly and sat himself up. “You’re home early.” Akaashi was his roommate. Always bringing over his out of this world boyfriend, as much as Akaashi thought he didn’t enjoy his boyfriend's company, he did. 

“Meh, i decided to skip my last class.” Yuuji said as he pulled out his phone.

“That’s professional.” Akaashi snarked before leading himself into the kitchen.

“You’re ass is professional!” Akaashi rolled his eyes and Yuuji snickered. He’d take a nap today. Fuck schoolwork up the butt, he was edgy.

 

-oOo-

 

“Was he cute?” Yamamoto asked. It was another one of those wednesdays. The one where Yuuji had too many classes and too little hours and just decided to fuck it after school. The sun was setting and it gave them both halo’s as they sat on the slightly too tall cement block garden. They were drinking sodas as Yuuji rested himself against him. Yuuji snorted.

“Was he cute? Of course he was cute! Who do you think i am? Someone with low standards? No, no, he was adorable...And fine as hell.” He sipped the soda through his straw and huddled into his hoodie. It was late april, but he was freezing.

“Did you get his number?” Yamamoto asked after a minute.

“Yes. After i had sex with him….?”

“I thought you were confident, turns out you’re just a slut.” Yuuji snorted, and sat up. The slits in his jeans rubbing against the cement, creating little rock imprints in his skin.

“What can i say? Men, they are wonderful creatures.” Yamamoto rolled his eyes and chugged the rest of his soda.

“I think i’m going to have to head out. I want at least a couple hours of sleep before Lev and his date get back.” He laughed again and drained his own soda. 

“Okay, Take care!” He waved as they both hopped off the cement. Before they could go their separate ways Yamamoto turned around and pulled him into a hug. Yuuji let out a small squeal. Yamamoto was warm, far warmer than his hoodie.

“Please take care of yourself Yuuji, it’s really warm out.” It wasn’t until Yamamoto let go that he realised he was shaking. Had he been shaking the whole time? He stared after his friend and cursed himself. He was slipping again. God damnit!

 

-oOo-

 

By Thursday, Yuuji was absolutely giddy. Somewhere along the lines of casual texting it had crossed into very calculated answers and messages that had lead to the most awkward phone sex he had ever had. But to be fair he hadn’t ever had phone sex, and even if it was awkward it just made the silly little butterflies in his stomach more apparent. And by Thursday, Yuuji was absolutely giddy, and Akaashi noticed. “Who is it?” Yuuji bit his lip and tapped his fingers against his cheek. “I am not going to be able to take Bokuto asking you all of these questions when he comes over so tell me now.” Yuuji giggled. 

“It’s the guy i ran into on thursday.” Akaashi rolled his eyes and sipped from his coffee.

“Oh yeah, that one.” HE took another sip and set his mug down. “Has he asked you on a date yet?”

“No… But we have” he snickered, “Done other things.” Akaashi rolled his eyes.

“You haven’t even told me his name.”

“Tanaka, he’s got a shaved head, and pretty eyes….” Yuuji sighed into his hand and sprawled himself on the table. “I’m smitten.”

“I can tell.” Akaashi laughed slightly. “Why don’t you ask him out?”

“I could, but i don’t know if he just wants to fuck or do cheesy romantic things yet.”

“Do you want to do cheesy romantic things?” Yuuji squealed.

“Yes.”

“Ask him out.” Yuuji propped himself up and smirked at Akaashi. 

“How did you meet Bokuto?” Akaashi shrugged and pulled out his friend. Probably texting the devil.

“We played volleyball in high school.”

“Maybe you didn’t understand my question Akaashi, sweety, how did you end up dating Bokuto?” Akaashi smiled and laughed a bit off air out, rolling his eyes.

“He was a dumbass, tried to keep his disorder from the team only to end up having a tic attack during a practice game with Nekoma, Kuroo was on that team, saw the whole thing. We had to haul Bokuto off the court and persuade him to tell them otherwise they would probably think he was possessed, or, has epilepsy. He just kind of clung onto me after that i guess. And i just felt comfortable around him. So i asked him out.”

“What’s a tic attack?”

“It’s not really talked about even in the medical feild, but Bokuto’s tics get so bad that he will end up sprawled out on the floor, dystonic tics and all that jazz. It looks like the exorcism in real life.”

“Huh.” Yuuji paused, he had been witness to some pretty bad tic days. Stumbled upon Akaashi having to comfort Bokuto on one of his really bad days, he hasn’t seen a tic attack. “Does he get them often?”

“Not since we were in high school. Maybe one in the last year? You can ask him about it, god knows he loves the attention. And he should be here any minute. Should being keyword here.” Akaashi growled at his phone. “I told him to take the bus, god dammit.” Akaashi got up and left the table. “I have to go, he got lost, he’s been coming here for three years and got lost.”

“Was it Pokemon go?” Akaashi narrowed his eyes as he put on his jacket.

“I’m going to burn that app.” Yuuji laughed as Akaashi left. And rolled himself off the table. He wished he could have someone like that. To piss him off and then smother with kisses till he was stupid. Uhg, he was a hopeless romantic that’s for sure. He flumped onto the couch, sprawling across the cheap leather that stuck to his skin, as the heat permeated the apartment. They should really invest into some high powered fans or something. Yuuji stripped off his shirt and threw it too the floor. Sweating burned calories right? He wondered, laying down wouldn’t burn any. He ran his hands across his stomach. He wasn’t a skeleton, he had, a bit, of what you could call muscle. He could still easily feel the ends of his ribs and hip bones. It shouldn't have made him smile, but it did. He poked his belly button and turned, curling in on his side. He should really get a better meal plan if he didn’t want to tear his throat open. He hadn’t ever thrown up this much before, even when it was really bad in high school. He sighed. God how much of a fucking mess was he? He fished in his jeans for his phone.

Tanaka <3) Hello!!

Yuuji) OHAI! I didn’t see this earleir.

Tanaka <3) It’s fine. I was just wondering how you were doing today?

Yuuji) Super!

Tanaka <3) Are you free this friday?

Yuuji) If you're planning on taking me out then YES! i am!

Tanaka <3) perfect

Tanaka <3) Should i pick you up?

Yuuji) Where are we going?

Tanaka) Well i was thinking the club? I’m not super great at date ideas to be honest.

Yuuji) I’d love to go! I’d love to meet your friends. I’ll drive thouhg.

Tanaka <3) You sure? Don’t want me to pick you up in my vailiant steed?

Yuuji) and what would tha be?

Tanaka <3) Noya and Asahi’s car….

Yuuji) I’m laughing at you right now. Anyways, next time we go on a date, which there will be a next time, i’m picking you up, because my car is cool, and cheap, but cool.

Tanaka <3) I got wheels.

Yuuji) You are silly!

Tanaka <3) Only for you.

Yuuji) Oh ;)

Tanaka <3) ;) ;)

Yuuji) Looking forward to after our date honestly. 

Tanaka <3) Both seem exciting.

Yuuji) I make things very exciting, i have been told.

Tanaka <3) Sorry to cut this short but i will text you when i get back.

Yuuji) What happened?

Tanaka <3) Just a problem with a store and my chair.

Yuuji) What’s happening?

Tanaka <3) “He’s a safety hazard.”

Yuuji) Does that happen often?

Tanaka <3) More than people think

Yuuji) Assholes.

Tanaka <3) Gotta take em as they come. Talk to you later

Yuuji) Look forward to our ‘talk’ ;D

 

-oOo-

 

The little he could remember of the night was very vivid as he tried to unlock the rest. He vaguely remembered accepting an offer to dance with a stranger before he started for feel faint. But that was it. He can’t remember the hospital at all. Just the car ride to his apartment. And sitting in Tanaka’s lap. He couldn’t believe he had been drugged. Tanaka had been allowed to stay the night, because Akaashi looked concerned enough at the appearance of three people he knew but hadn’t expected to see. Apparently Akaashi and Bokuto were friends with Daichi through Suga and had been to some parties with their other friends. Yuji felt sick, and had kept vomiting, which he had to keep asking why, and it only occurred to him that they had given him stuff that would make him throw up, which was laughable now because his fingers would have worked just as well. Yuuji lay numbly on the couch listening to them explain what had happened to Akaashi. He then was carried to his bed and he heard them all say their goodbyes and Tanaka ask if he could stay. Akaashi agreed. He didn’t have any qualms, neither did Yuuji. HE was feeling unreasonably scared for his safety and knowing that both of them would be there helped.

He woke up the next day with a bad headache, and pit of dread in his stomach. IT was then that it had finally set in. He would get over it. Of course he could get over it. But it didn’t make him any less terrified of the fact that more could have happened in his state. That anyone of those people at the bar, even Tanaka and Daichi them sweet selves, could have easily taken advantage him. And it didn’t escape him that they had all cared enough for his safety to bring him to the hospital. He didn’t even get to finish his drink, and yet it had affected him that much. Could it have… Could it have been his heart? He pushed the thought away instead to pick himself up from the bed and go throw up whatever remaining gross drug was in his system. Only to immediately fall back down to the ground. He cursed. That was embarrassing. “Yuuji? You need any help?” Akaashi was standing in the doorway, only a slight alteration in his usual neutral expression.

“No, i think i’ll be okay if i stand up slower.” He tried again, stumbling into the wall his legs trembling beneath him. His whole body felt exhausted.

“Okay, come on, i’m helping you.” Yuuji did little to protest and let Akaashi scoop him up under his arm, supporting much of his weight.

“I don’t think i have ever physically felt this tired.”

“Makes sense though.” There was a beat of silence as Akaashi got him out of his room. “Are you okay though?”

“I’m fine, i’ll get over it.” He brushed off the question. Just wanting to get to the bathroom and throw up, he never wanted to throw up so bad in his life. And he didn’t even need to. But he really did.

“You don’t have to right away.”

“Drop it. I can take care of myself.” Akaashi grunted in disapproval and dropped him off in the bathroom.

“Just yell if you need me. Okay?” Yuuji knelt on the bathroom floor and nodded.

“Okay.”

 

-oOo-

 

Tanaka stayed till around four. Yuuji had taken a bath and had eaten some saltines and ginger ale. Insisting he didn’t want to eat anything with those drugs still in him. It was a lie, they would have worn off by now. Tanaka didn’t think anything of it though, which was good. He had been apprehensive apologizing profusely for what had happened. Yuuji brushed it off. It wasn’t Tanaka’s fault. Sure maybe he won’t go to any bars any time soon but it wasn’t the worst thing. And he let Tanaka know that when he was dressed decent and didn’t smell like vomit and hospital. Akaashi had put on a movie, and was in and out of his room, probably working on his school work, ever so diligent for a music major. Tanaka had placed his wheelchair precariously against the couch and let Yuuji rest his head in his lap. Maybe it was how boring the movie was, or how the light didn’t quite reach inside their apartment, or Tanaka’s fingers slowly carding through his hair, but he at some point fell asleep. And didn’t wake up until and hour later when Tanaka said he was getting pins and needles. Yuuji had to pry himself off, Tanaka helping. HE was foggy from all of the sleep, his body wasn’t quite cooperating just right. And so he used it as an excuse to lean on Tanaka’s side, and kiss his neck, before shutting his eyes again. He heard Tanaka laugh softly and change the tv to something else, Yuuji didn’t know what, he didn’t really care. He was to tired to care. HE dozed off for a couple more minutes.

 

-oOo-

 

The hunger was persistent. He had been pushing away what had happened all day, content to nuzzle himself into Tanaka’s neck and then once he left the too fluffy couch pillows. He had been so busy sleeping that he hadn’t been able to comprehend how shitty the night was, how scary it was. He hadn’t eaten that much that day, even his meal plan said he should be eating at least 200 more. He needed something. And it was only blindly that he devoured everything he could find. First he chugged and glass of water, took out all of the leftover containers in the fridge, burgers, takeout, even some pastries. Between each course he stood chugging another and another glass of water trying to keep it down. This was a binge, he could tell as his logic sat idly in the side of his vision as he watched himself eat like he was fucking starving for three weeks. Like an animal, it was embarrassing. And he could feel pain forming in his stomach.

He briefly recalled Bokuto coming over after hearing what happened. He wouldn’t hear him, once he was asleep he rarely ever got up. Yuuji hid his disaster. Arranging the fridge too look fuller and the countertops to not look so crummy. He got up from the floor and stumbled into the bathroom. This was so stupid, it was disgusting. HE was disgusting. It’s probably why it was his drink, easy target, he guessed. Already gullible enough and lacking attention. Small and meak enough to have the drug over take him in a couple of minutes. He turned on the faucet and threw up into the toilet. He should have chewed more thoroughly. He choked on several pieces of chip. Sick dribbled down his chin and hand as he continued to push further and further back into his throat. Since when did it become so easy to almost shove his entire hand into his mouth?Another wave of puke came up. He stepped away from the toilet, wiping the sides of his face. It was just bile. But was it really? He brought a fist hard to his stomach. It shivered up his body and he puked again into the toilet. He was right. It was just bile. He didn’t have to deal with the aftermath anymore. But now what was he supposed to do? “Yuuji?” His heart stopped, he snapped his gaze up to the owl like man in the doorway. His eyes widened. “W-what are you doing?” Hadn’t he locked the door? How long has he been there?

“I it was just the p pills they gave me.” That was convincing, he scolded. Bokuto wasn’t stupid.

“But, you hit yourself. And, your hand is-” Yuuji slowly crossed over to the sink, Scrubbing off the vomit from his hands and face.

“I’m fine, i just feel sick. It was the combination.”

“But, you- Jesus, are you okay?” He didn’t notice it. He had bitten into his knuckles, blood trickled down his hand. Bokuto stepped in through the doorway. It wasn’t supposed to feel this small. This was his space. HE had made sure it was his when he went in and now a stranger was coming into his space after a purge. He felt sick. His whole body shook, and not just from the high he was on but from how scared he was, how scared he was last night, how he was scared there was more he couldn’t remember, how he couldn’t remember saying those things. He felt hands grasp under his arms as he fell. “Shit, Yuuji!” He let out a sob.

“Leave me alone.” He said.

“Okay, i don’t know what’s going on. But i’m not going to leave, because you just started to cry, and you're shaking, and you just made yourself throw up by punching yourself. So no. I’m not going anywhere.” Yuuji yelled as he bit his thumb. Continuing to let his sobs wrack his body.

“What happened?” Akaashi suddenly said from the doorway.

“He was throwing up, and he i don’t know.” Bokuto said. Yuuji heard Akaashi sigh.

“Bokuto, can you get up?” Bokuto lifted him up and Akaashi took his place. Yuuji balled his hands into fists. If he kept biting himself he was going to start bleeding again. “You made yourself throw up didn’t you?” Yuuji nodded and he bit deeper into his thumb. “Is it about last night?”

“I’m scared.” HE sobbed. Akaashi pet his hair, running softly, his present muting Yuuji’s shakes.

“I know, it was scary.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“You don’t have to do anything. Or you can press sexual harassment charges.” Yuuji shook under his hands. “But there is one definite here, you should stop biting yourself.” Akaashi pulled Yuuji’s hand away from him and held it, forcing their fingers to intertwine. “And stop making yourself throw up.”

“You never said anything before.” Yuuji snapped through his shaky cries.

“In second year i found your stash, you were spitting out your food into your cups. No wonder you hate it when i do dishes.” Yuuji pulled out his other hand and bit down. “No, not while i’m here.”Akaashi tore his other hand away from him

“Go away then!”

“You’re such an idiot. I’m not leaving you. You’re scared. It was a scary thing, and it’s messing with you.”

“I need to get it all out.”

“You already did. Tell me what’s really up.” Yuuji didn’t even know. He was drugged, and molested. He was throwing up more, and he was working more. His mom's hadn’t called for five months. After a moment, Akaashi sighed and let go of his hands, which fell limp after. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I wish it had been.”

“Why?”

“Because then i would have chosen it. I could have been in control.”

“No, you couldn’t have, because you were drugged until you were a ragdoll.” Yuuji wiped his face on Akaashi’s pants and let out another loud sob. “Nobody thinks differently for it.”

“I barely knew any of them.”

“And they aren’t judging you.” Yuuji mumbled obscenities into the cotton sweatpants Akaashi wore. “I’m taking you to bed. Bokuto can you help?”

“I don’t need to be picked up.”

“Well we are gonna pick you up.” Yuuji didn’t resist as he was carried by his armpits and knees and set down onto his bed. “If i hear you go into that bathroom again tonight i’m going to slap you.”

“Fuck you.”

“I care about you too Yuuji, go to sleep and i will hug you.”

Yuuji sniffled into his sheets. He should take a shower, and clean his sheets. He felt gross. He felt gross for more reasons than that. He passed out quickly after that. Even though a purge high might give you energy, you come down hard. He didn’t dream, and he woke up to bowl of cereal and a hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so i realize 'Dystonic' Might not be well known so i will link a thingy on clonic, tonic and dystonic tics.
> 
> http://www.touretteshero.com/2011/04/14/tonic-clonic-or-dystonic/
> 
> So i get a little nerdy about it. I get mostly tonic tics, since my tics are super pressure loving. anyways you didn't come here to listen to me babble on about this weird thing i have! i hope you enjoyed!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's sad but i wrote fluff and i am proud of it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jiTosJpIk_g  
> Listen to that song you will not regret it becuase i could only write this chapter becuase i had it on repeat. Thank you lord for the show Raising Hope or i would never had found it. Hope you like it.

The ceiling fan whirred above him as the sunset burst into the apartment, painting rays across the darkened room. The wood floors glistened from the light. Koutarou lay on his bed clothes stripped and thrown neatly into the hamper. So much for keeping his sheets clean. It was strikingly hot. *slap slap* His tics had resigned to just a few of his constants. Hooting, slaping his stomach, hey hey hey’s, and eye rolling. The eye rolling was giving him a headache, he couldn’t revise, he could hardly see with how much his eyes were twitching. For some reason the heat decided to show itself that week. He felt thirsty to go swim or go on a run, which showed in his tonic muscle tensing. The door to the hall was open and he spotted Kuroo walking passed him texting on his phone with a happy grin on his face. He looked up when he heard Koutarou’’s hooting. He tilted his head. “Bad day?”

“I want to go outside.” HE pouted, staring up at the ceiling fan still.

“Then go outside.”

“I don’t want to go alone.” HE whined and slapped his stomach again, he winced. It had been happening quite a bit more often and had left him with a light bruise. Still hurt. Kuroo sighed and shook his head, crossing into his room to join him on the twin sized bed. 

“Well can you call Akaashi?”

“He’s at work.” Koutarou grabbed his pillow and placed it over his face. He groaned into it. “*neh Neh* Can you come with me?”

“It’s a monday, what do you want to do?”

“See a movie, where it’s air conditioned.” Kuroo snorted and fell back against his blankets.

“We’d have to get there early and judging by the consistency of your vocal tics i’m going to guess you’d be kicked out.” Koutarou pouted and slapped his stomach again.

“They aren’t supposed to be able to kick me out.”

“Yeah well, what can i say? The system sucks.” 

“Ngnnyahhhhhg! It’s too hot in this house!” Kuroo laughed and patted him on the shoulder. 

“Are you people deprived?” Koutarou nodded into the pillow. “If invite kenma over will you stop pouting?”

“...Maybe.”

“YOu’re such a baby.”

“HEY! *tch tch tch HOOT* I am not!” Kuroo laughed and left the room.

“Do something fun moody!”

 

-oOo-

 

It was his fourth interview that month. All of them had gone to shit. The man in front of him kept giving him odd looks. Koutarou didn’t know if he should tell people upfront about his tourette’s or if he should wait. Either way, it was coming out in waves today. He told him upfront this time, although, he didn’t know what it was. Koutarou didn’t have coprolalia, and had to explain without him getting mad that he would not be swearing. Although it didn’t really help, he had slightly lost his cool. But he kept his smile up and confidence exuding from him like a cloud. The employer didn’t seem affected. He looked over Koutarou’s resume asking him questions here and there. Koutarou tried to still himself in the seat but his abdominal tic was making that extremely difficult. The last question of the interview stung though. “Do you really think you will be capable to contain your tics while you work?”

“Well, i can’t hold them in, maybe for a couple seconds or minutes, but it hurts, kind of like if you stop breathing and it comes out ten times worse when i do hold them in so, i don’t think i’d be able to.”

“If you want this job you’re going to have to contain yourself.”

“I want this job, but it’s not something that’s in my control, it’s unvoluntary.” The employer looked confused.

“I just don’t think that i can have you working check out if you’re going to cuss out customers.” His fists clenched.

“I don’t swear, that’s not what Tourette’s is. I just have hooting and sometimes i say hey.” The employer shook his head. Pushing back from the desk and standing up.

“I will mull it over, give you a call, but i can’t assure you you will get the job. It’s just not something i can give to someone like you.”

 

It stung, the whole way to his boyfriends it stung. His happy and confident exterior slumped in on himself, He kicked the ground and dragged his feet as he walked to the bus. Another system that hated him. He remembered when he was threatened when his tic was to blow a kiss, he went home with a black eye and death threats whirring in his head. Kuroo had to call Akaashi over to get him out of his ‘emo mode’. The bus was full, but his leg tics were so bad he could hardly hold himself against the pole. Several children made comments towards him and the people on the bus gave him weird looks. As he got off he heard several people clap, actually clap, when he left. It sent chills down his spine. 

Akaashi buzzed him. When he entered the apartment Akaashi handed him the febreeze and some disinfectant wipes, he gingerly took them, spraying himself down, and wiping his keys, phone and wallet with them before setting them on the counter. He felt a the wave of anxiety diminish slightly. “How did the interview go?”

“I’m not gonna get it.” Akaashi crossed his arms and pulled him over to the couch.

“I know you won’t.” Akaashi sat down, and pulled the moping Koutarou into his lap.

“Akaashi! That doesn’t make me feel better.” HE felt a warm kiss pressed to the top of his head.

“You wouldn’t want to work with an ableist ass anyways.” Koutarou situated himself so he could grab onto Akaashi too. He nuzzled his face into Akaashi’s shirt. Akaashi hummed.

 

“Yeah..” He paused, clinging further onto his boyfriend. He breathed in the familiar scent of leftover takeout and city dust, settling on all the items in the house. The porch door was open, the fan facing the room on a stool, it whirred and whined as Koutarou settled. “Akaashi?”

“Yes, Bokuto?”

“Do you like me?” He squeezed around his boyfriend's middle.

“Yes, i like you, Bokuto.”

“I love you Akaashi.” He squeezed and smiled.

“I know, i love you too.”

 

-oOo-

 

It was midnight, and he had moved to the floor. Not wanting to wake up AKaashi with all of his ticing. He would have been awake anyways, insomnia and tics meshed together to make a cake of co morbidity. His entire body was clenched rendering him completely useless on the ground, even with a charlie horse in his leg he couldn’t stop the tic from happening. Nights were always the worst. “Kou, what are you doing on the floor?” Akaashi sat up, pulling the cotton sheets up with him to cover from the blasts of the fan. “*Hoot*” *sniff sniff* He hit his chest, the tension releasing enough for him to wiggle his toes. “Are you having an attack?”

“No, I didn’t want to kick you, so i went to the floor.” Akaashi sighed. Koutarou could hear the rustling of blankets as Akaashi slowly crept out of bed and crawled over to him on the floor.

“You’re not even moving.” HE pointed out.

“That happened when i got on the floor.” He chuckled, a bit embarrassed. 

“You’re not really going to sleep on the floor are you? I get you had a bad day, but you’ve hardly gotten out of your funk at all. Are you really okay?” Akaashi pressed his head onto his chest. The feeling grounded him, his muscles relaxing bit by bit. Akaashi pressed a hand near his heart and tapped lightly with his ring finger. IT was almost pitch black, a light glow from the shudders, and the light up charger he had brought for his phone made it possible to see the basic shape of everything. IT was silly, but he was still a bit scared of the dark. Koutarou bit his lip. Biting back the tears forming in his eyes.

“No *neh neh* I’m not okay. I haven’t had a real job *neh neh*” *Sniff sniff* “in my life, i’m twenty two. And they haven’t gone away. Akaashi, they always told me i would grow out of it.” He bit back a sob, his hands suddenly started to clap. Akaashi moved out of the way of the frantic clapping. By the time he was able to stop his hands were raw. And he was crying. “My brain sucks.” There were hands tracing patterns into his skin, gently touching the exposed skin of his neck and arms and face, making his hair stand on end and his body tingle. He sniffled.

“Shh, shh.” Akaashi whispered as he lifted Koutarou’s head into his cross legged lap. “You’re brain is amazing. It’s not your fault this is happening. No one blames you for this. You’re really cool, Kou.” Koutarou’s heart jolted, and he felt the anxiety build up. HE rushed his hands towards his face and covered his features.

“I’m sorry Akaashi! I’m sorry i’m sad, and i’m sorry i have to wash my hands again before i get into bed. I’m sorry.” His boyfriend pulled him up more into his lap.

“It’s okay, I love you. Just do what you need to do to feel safe. We can do your exercises later.” Koutarou nodded and took five minutes of Akaashi running his finger lightly against his skin and kisses before he got up shaking out the muscle cramps and trying to keep his tics down as he crossed through the hall. HIs boyfriend was so good to him. Honest, and he always knew what to do. He contained his sniffles and crawled back into the clean sheets, curling around Akaashi, lik ehe was clutching a teddy bear when he was a kid, and Akaashi didn’t mind. And that was all he needed to know.

 

-oOo-

 

He buzzed with the warm feeling of caffeine running through his veins, making him vibrate in rhythm with his tics. But he was feeling a high after he had actually eaten something, which was two bowls of chocolatey off brand cheerio cereal. He shoveled the bites into his mouth and waited patiently for Yuuji to wake up from his almost sleep like daze he was in getting ready for school. Akaashi had his head face first on the table, Koutarou was pretty sure he was asleep. It was weird being the only morning person, Kuroo had an early class at five am and had ended up leaving him to his own devices in the morning. Which usually consisted of singing loudly along to an overplayed pop song while making french toast. But at Akaashi’s place mornings were full of groaning night owls, ready to sleep forever. Yuuji flung his bag over his shoulder and Koutarou gave him a little travel mug he made for him. “Thanks, bye.” HE yawned and stumbled sleepily out the door. It was eight, and nobody was even close to ready. 

“Akaashi!” Akaashi jolted his head up from the table.

“Wazzit?!” He looked around frantically before realizing where he was and settling his gaze on him and turning his expression into a tired frown.

“Good morning, Akaashi! How did you sleep?” Koutarou cooed at his boyfriend. 

“I dreamt of rainbows, and sheep, lovingly living with their families on them.” He said sarcastically. Koutarou chuckled and sipped on his coffee. “You shouldn’t drink that, your tics are gonna get bad.”

“And you shouldn’t wear your binders when i sleep over.” He countered. Akaashi’s face light up red. “I don’t care about that shit Akaashi! I like you however you are.”

“Thank you, Bokuto.” There was a long silence before Akaashi said again. “But you should really stop drinking that, because you are going to regret it when class starts.”

“Aww, *akaashi neh neh* you care about me.” Akaashi rolled his eyes and grabbed the mug from his hands. He squaked as Akaashi walked over to the sink.

“Yes, i do, and that’s why..” Akaashi dumped the coffee into the sink. Koutarou whined.

“You’re so mean Akaashi!” His boyfriend sauntered over to him and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

“It’s all for a good cause.” Koutarou leaned into Akaashi’s touch and hummed. Akaashi tilted his head and planted another kiss to his lips this time. Koutarou had just enough time to notice his lips tasted like lemon before he peeled away. “Are you going to spike up your hair today?” He internally screamed and grabbed at his hair.

“Ah!” Akaashi rolled his eyes. “I gotta go fix it!”

 

-oOo-

 

Kuroo caught him with a razor again. It was only one cut, but it was still a cut. His legs were riddled with scars from when he was a teenager and his two months of sobriety were dashed as soon as he got kicked out of the school library. When the door open he tossed the razor in the sync and openly let Kuroo drag him out of the bathroom. HE dressed himself in his owl pajamas pants and ‘I love sharks’ shirt, and let Kuroo plop him on the couch with a movie and mug of hot chocolate. He sat down next to him with his own mug and sighed. “There, there, Kou, there, there. Tell me what happened today.” He snuggled into his weighted blanket and sighed.

“Akaashi was cute. People on the bus were mean to him. I got kicked out of the library. Again.” Kuroo grunted.

“Pricks.”

“I was worried about Akaashi! And my tic’s got all flubby and wanted to say his name *neh, kashi* Like that!” Kuroo placed his hand on top of his head and patted it.

“So emotional.” He batted his hand away and chugged his hot chocolate out of spite. “You know you love me.”

“I love everybody, it doesn’t make you special.” 

“Don’t be so mopey. Mopey Kou is the worst Kou. So what movie do you want to watch.”

“Road to eldorado, and i thought drunk Kou was worst Kou.”

“Nah, you just get cuddly. It’s cute.” He sipped a giant sip from his mug and unfurled a little bit from the blanket. 

“I’m adorable.” He mumbled. Kuroo laughed and scooted closer to his best friend. After a moment Kuroo sighed and grabbed his knee through the weights.

“You promise me it was just one?” Kuroo strained to say. Koutarou clenched his fists.

“Yeah, you caught me in time.” He heard Kuroo let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Next time you have a bad day, can you just tell me? Or Akaashi? Or anyone of your countless friends you have? Please? I know you think it’s embarrassing but i think my episodes are embarrassing and you’re still here with me.”

“Well to be fair, your episodes aren’t embarrassing they are just plain scary.”

“Kou, cutting yourself is scary to me too! What if you cut too deep? I don’t want to come home and find you bleeding out on the floor, i love you! I can hardly handle you when you're sad i couldn’t handle you dead.” Koutarou Fiddled with his fingers as his breathing tic stopped him from talking. “Okay, we’re done with sadness now, let me share you amazing heavy blanket so i can be hugged by cotton.” He lifted up the blanket and welcomed his friend against his side. “Okay, The road to eldorado it is! Get ready for some flawless action!”

“Someday i’m gonna be Miguel for halloween.” He said.

“Maybe you could make it gay and Akaashi could go as Tulio.”

“Would you be Chel?” Koutarou laughed and drank the rest of his hot chocolate.

“I’d be the hottest Chel around!”

 

-oOo-

 

He had indeed gotten lost playing pokemon go, but it wasn’t his fault. Okay it was all of his fault but at least he got to walk around with Akaashi in public. Outside, where you could look at the sky and have fun! And Akaashi even held his hand., Koutarou pulled him in close and kissed his cheek when they entered the complex. He leaned in close and put his chin on Akaashi’s shoulder. “Hey HEY hey, Akaashi. Can i ask you a favor?” Akaashi mumbled a yes and checked in his mail slot. “Can you not wear your binder tonight? I won’t judge you, I’ve seen you without it before, and it’s not healthy to wear it more than a couple hours.” Koutarou felt Akaashi tense. I-”

“Okay. Just. i it’s hard. My surgery is so close so i-” he turned Akaashi around to face him, pulling him in for a hug.

“I know. I understand. I love you, Akaashi.” Akaashi nuzzled his face into his neck. His shoulders relaxed. 

 

-oOo-

 

He could feel Akaashi’s smooth stomach from behind. His boyfriend was awake, of course, he hardly ever slept. He hummed in contentedness, Koutarou pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. Taking in the scent of the strawberry scented shampoo a dry cleaner sheets. He ran a hand further up Akaashi’s shirt feeling his binderless chest, he traced his collarbone and ran his hands back down, planting another kiss on his neck. Light from his charger permeated the room in an illuminescence that bounced of the walls in perfect triangles. Akaashi giggled when he hit a certain spot. Koutarou smiled. He quickly hit the spot again and gained a laugh and a light slap to his hand from his boyfriend. He tilted his head to the side and kissed his shoulder. Koutarou flipped himself over so he was straddling his boyfriend. He littered Akaashi’s face with kisses, pulling away after he was sure he found every piece of skin with his lips. He had a small smile, prickling at the corners of his mouth, his eyes were half closed, he peeked up beneath his eyelashes at Koutarou. Koutarou blew out his cheeks and laughed. He quickly brought his hands to Akaashi’s sides and tickled him some more, Gaining a plethora of giggles and halfhearted protests. “Kou,” He laughed. “Kou stop!” Another laugh, “Stop!” Koutarou stopped, scared he had actually angered his boyfriend. Akaashi had the faintest frown. His hands were warm, Akaashi was always so warm, like a furnace, and as his hands came around to cup his cheeks, Koutarou closed his eyes and waited. His face was pulled down to meet soft velvety pink lips. The sound of rain started to pat against the window, the fan buzzed in the background, and he could hear the building moan with age. He could also hear Akaashi’s breathing, slow, timed, and controlled. And his own, shallow, stuttery, and twitchy as hell. They blended together as the kiss continued. He felt warm hands move from his bumpy face to his freshly washed and damp hair. And all too soon it ended. He could feel the light flutter of Akaashi’s lashes hitting his cheeks as he fell to the side.

“You’re perfect.” He said through his breathlessness. Akaashi hummed and put his forehead against Koutarou’s own.

“And you are too, Bokuto. Sleep well.” They both closed their eyes, Letting the rain dull their hearts and lungs. Slipping into nights cold fist. Koutarou slept. And he knew Akaashi didn’t. But he was content enough to feel his trying body flushed against his own. In their own little room. Shared in their compulsions. He slept well that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh? Thank you for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quickly done. Honestly if i ever finish this and like it enough, i'd love to edit it.

Keiji watched Bokuto’s calm, sleepy breaths. He tried matching his own to his. The fan was bothering him, how it was so loud, but he knew if he turned it off the room would be missing a sound so he decided to keep it on and persist to go to sleep using Bokuto’s lovely features as some sort of ground. If he didn’t get a decent amount of sleep soon he wasn’t going to be able to function. He sighed and let himself be held in his boyfriend's embrace. If he just closed his eyes maybe he could sleep.

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


The light assaulted him through the blinds. He groaned and turned over in his bed, missing the heavy warmth of Bokuto behind him. It was Friday...right? There were loud footsteps making their way to him the little *Ak ak akaashi kshi hoot* followed suit and busted open the door in a gleeful gesture only a morning person could muster. Keiji quickly pulled the blankets over his head. “Good Morning Akaashi! How did you sleep?” In response, he threw the secondary pillow on his bed at his boyfriend. He heard a squawk and then felt the mattress dip. “Aww, that was rude.”

 

“What time is it?” He dragged the words out of himself, peeking out of the covers at his perfectly made up high school sweetheart. He sighed again, Bokuto was too self conscious, not that he was one to talk.

 

“It is eighty thirty A.M and you said you had a shift at nine thirty.” His eyes shot open. Shit. He tore the blankets off and sat up. He rubbed his face. Bokuto was looking at him with that big stupid grin again, he huffed and laid his head on his shoulder.

 

"Will you ride the bus with me again?”

 

“I will ride the bus with you till the end *neh* of time! *Kaashi*” Bokuto fell back onto the mattress, bringing Keiji down with him. He needed to get ready if he was going to make it in time for the bus.

 

“I have to get up.” His whole body ached from lack of sleep. Bokuto bounced off the bed, and grabbed at Keiji’s arms, pulling him up and dragging him over to the dresser. Keiji let out a laugh as Bokuto swung their arms back and fourth, back and fourth.

 

“Do you mind if i get scones at your work instead of eating your cereal?”

 

“Do whatever you want to do, Bokuto. I have to get ready.” *his head twitches to the side* Bokuto let’s go of his hands and puts on a giddy smile.

 

“Okeidokie! I’m ready to go!” Keiji smiled softly as he watched him exit his room. Bokuto was like a lovesick puppy to him. Loud and way too enthusiastic about every god damn ordinary thing for any adult to be, and super forgetful, yet, he knew the important things. His things were sprawled out messy like in his drawers. He would have thrown them on the floor, he wasn’t exactly a neat person, but once Bokuto started spending nights regularly at his place, he learned that even though Bokuto’s OCD might need a tad of a push in a hard direction sometimes, he at least deserved to be able to sleep in a clean room. Before he started keeping it to the standards of what Bokuto thought was clean, he had found Bokuto in the shower at three am unable to step out of the closet until the floors were mopped. Keiji grabbed a black t shirt and black pants. HE would put his uniform on when he got to work. He swung his bag over his shoulder. 

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


“*Nts Akatch THE SKY the sky it is high up in the sky.*” Bokuto tics were faring worse on the bus. They had been able to get a seat but Bokuto’s legs were ticcing widely around the hall. People were staring at them. And to be frank it was making him annoyed. The sounds of the city and the honking cars and rushing trucks made it all the worse. When he started clapping a man in a grey suit crossed over too them, newspaper in hand.

 

“Do you think this is funny or something? You’re giving everyone a headache.” Keiji placed himself as a barrier between the man and his boyfriend.

 

“*NEh* No i *The sky the sky fu fu fu frrrrrr* I can’t *kaashi*” HE was clapping like a seal, and the mans face was turning a bright red.

 

“He can’t help it, he has Tourette’s” The man rolled his eyes and waved the newspaper in their faces. Keiji sneered and placed a protective arm around Bokuto, who was too busy clapping to do anything. The man was really just escalating his tics. 

 

“Does it look like i give a single fuck about what he has? No, let him fight his own battles, he’s a man.” KEiji was about ready to stand up before he felt Bokuto’s hands move over to him.

 

“Akaashi *neh neh* Do you *spies! PSIES!*  have my cards?” Keiji nodded and fiddled in his wallet. Bokuto hit his chest. The man was standing there with his arms crossed. Keiji handed the card to him. It was a simple thing really, just a little explanation on what it is, since sometimes it just wasn’t an option to talk about it. It had a QR code on it along with the site and a brief explanation as well. The man took the card and held it with contempt His face curling up in a snarl. “*SPIKES*” The man scoffed and shook his head. Mumbling ‘freak’ under his breath as he made his way to the back. Bokuto sniffed, his tic making his neck go limp. Keiji pulled his head over, Bokuto’s forehead resting on his shoulder. “*hoot hoot Kashi*”

 

“We’ll be off in two more stops.”

  
  
  


-oOo-

  
  


“Hello Akaashi! And Bokuto! Good morning?” Suga said cheerily from behind the counter, the shop had already been set up and Kageyama was taking away a dish from a lone customer in the corner of the cafe.

 

“HEy! *Neh* Hey hey! Sugawara! You have any scones on display today?” Bokuto crossed over to the table with Keiji following him, dragging his feet on the all too shiny wood floors. He ducked under the door and went around the side of the desk.

 

“Yes! Oh Akaashi, you eat breakfast yet?”

 

“No we haven’t but i’ll pay for us both.” Bokuto said. Suga nodded and handed him two scones on the plate. Keiji went into the small employee room and quickly pulled on his work shirt and apron, as the pastry transaction occurred. He rushed back out again, and watched as Suga made a coffee.

 

“Don’t give him that.”

 

“He ordered it.” Suga said, continuing to make his drink.

 

“I’ll drink it, give him something not caffeinated.”

 

“Aww, but Akaashi i paid for it.” Keiji rolled his eyes and ducked under the counter again. Bokuto pouted at him, giant eyes giving him that stupid look, and Keiji groaned.

 

“You got harassed on the bus for them, and i’m not with you when you go to class. So no, you’re not drinking that.” He was maybe a little more bitter than he meant to be. God, he was exhausted. Suga looked at him, face full of concern. Keiji brushed it off and pushed one of the scone plates towards Bokuto. “Eat. I’ll call you tonight.” He pressed a quick kiss to Bokuto’s cheek and ducked back behind the counter again. Suga caught him by the arm, Bokuto took his plate solemnly to a table near the door, He pounded his chest, and ticced nervously. Keiji cursed himself. He could be such a dick sometimes.

 

“Did something happen this morning?” KEiji shook his head.

 

“It’s fine, i just need to be able to sleep.” Suga nods warily and turns back towards the counter. Before he goes into the back again he stopped by Suga’s words.

 

“I know right now might be tough, Akaashi, but i’m worried about you, and Bokuto. Something's up. And if you find out what it is, i’m here to help. I’m always here to help, okay?” Something in his chest tightens. Bokuto’s tic’s had gotten worse, he got a call from Kuroo saying he found Bokuto cutting again, Bokuto has had more of his moods lately. He has been more dysphoric, his insomnia has worsened, and his parents had been calling more. Of course it has to be showing on their faces. Just four more weeks until the surgery. Then things will brighten. Just four more weeks.

 

“Yeah. sorry.” He shakes the sleep away from him, as well as the dread, and gets to work.

  
  
  


-oOo-

  
  


Friday night, when Yuuji got home, he was honestly horrified at the possibilities as to what could have happened. And was disgusted by what had actually happened. He conversed with Daichi briefly, he said that they would probably get a call from the station about what happened at the club, let Yuuji decide what to do, if he was going to press charges or not. Then he had left hurriedly. He didn’t mind Tanaka staying at all. Yuuji was a lot like Bokuto in certain respects and physical contact seemed like something he would like and Tanaka, admittedly was better at cheering people up then he was. Bokuto, was a special case. 

 

He hadn’t been surprised when he found Bokuto and Yuuji huddled in the bathroom. He had a vague idea about what Yuuji was doing, although he hadn’t really known about the… throwing up. But he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t scared for him. Bokuto had had to take a shower afterwards. Apologizing the whole time. Keiji joined him in the shower, the warm water calmed his rapid pulse and nerves. And as much as he wanted to sleep in on his last day off he got up early to make sure that Yuuji would definitely and undoubtedly have breakfast. Bokuto helped him make the french toast. There were a lot of strawberries involved and whip cream. Yuuji didn’t come out of his room until after two. In which during that time him and Bokuto had gotten tangled up on the couch watching a movie. 

 

He pressed his back to Bokuto’s chest, he could feel the abdominal ticcing and thought that it had probably gotten very painful at one point. Yuuji walked out of his room in a gigantic sweatshirt and basketball shorts that also seemed to be slipping off of him quite a bit. And, if Keiji looked closer, his cheeks looked almost swollen, and puffy. And it occurred to him, then, that Yuuji must have been throwing up for a longer amount of time then he thought he was. Yuuji rubbed his face and looked at the kitchen, dazed. “We made you french toast. The strawberries and whipcream are optional, though.”

 

“Are you saying the french toast isn’t?”

 

“Yes, eat it.” Yuuji grumbled, Keiji heard the light clattering of cutlery and dishware, before Yuuji walked toward them, and settled himself on a beady old lounge chair. “You have any suggestions?” Keiji asked picking up the controller.

 

“Uhh…” Yuuji mumbled with a mouth full of dry and lukewarm french toast. “How about a Xena?”

 

“Do you honestly enjoy that show?” Keiji said, raising an eyebrow.

 

“It has cute lesbian romance, and hot guys.” Yuuji pouted with a piece of toast almost in his mouth. Keiji sighed dramatically and started the show.

  
  
  


-oOo- 

  
  


Bokuto went to go get takeout for dinner, since Keiji was craving something cheap and greasy. He watched as Yuuji fiddled with his hands. A concerned look on his face, and his cheeks flushed. “You want to talk about last night?” Keiji questioned, and he could immediately see Yuuji tense up.

 

“S- so you knew?” Keiji shrugged. 

 

“I only knew you didn’t eat nearly as much as you should. That was first year, and in second year i found some tupperware hidden in random places in the house filled with chewed up food, i kind of knew then what was going on. But i didn’t know you were throwing up.” Yuuji crossed his arms, the sleeves of his hoodie falling over his hands. 

 

“I wasn’t until recently, again…”

 

“How long has this been going on?” Keiji asked, noticing the way Yuuji hid behind his hoodie and bringing his knees up to his chest.

 

“Thirteen, but i started purging in my second year, and, my mom's tried to get help when i was a third year but they were shit at it. I know it’s not a good thing.” Yuuji paused for a moment and then looked directly at him. He opened his mouth as if to say something and then quickly shut it, looking back over towards the TV. “I can’t eat dinner.” Keiji felt pressure in his chest. HE didn’t know what to do about it, he knew he couldn’t just keep letting it happen, but he also couldn’t force Yuuji to do anything. “I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s.. It’s not okay, but understandable i should say. If you need help you should get it though, Yuuji, i know it’s been kind of thrust upon you but i can’t just watch you do this without trying to help at least.” Yuuji looked like he was about to cry.

 

“I don’t want to die. I really don’t want to die, but i can’t stop. I’m scared at looking at myself.” Yuuji sniffled and wiped his eyes with his hoodie. Keiji cursed himself for not finding out sooner. He got up from his seat, abandoning the soft jean blanket and walked towards his roommate. He pulled him up from the chair, and took him into a hug.

 

“It’s scary, and i know you try.” Yuuji twitched under him, his shoulders moving randomly to quell his teary breathing. “We will do anything to help you. Just tell us what you need. I mean i doubt i’m the best at this stuff but, i can understand a little bit. And maybe i can help with that part at least. Just keep trying, okay?” Yuuji nodded into his shoulder. “I know the thing that happened friday must have really taken it’s toll on you as well, and i’m sorry that happened to you, it’s just a really shitty week. But it’ll get better.” Again, Yuuji nodded. After a while of hugging They both sat back down in their respective seats, and decided to not talk about it anymore. Bokuto came back with the food, and neither of them said anything as Yuuji passed up the meal, and instead chose what they were going to watch.

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


He took off his binder reluctantly, this time not stopping Bokuto from watching him. It had been getting harder for him to actually wear it responsibly. Even when he knew Bokuto didn’t care. It wasn’t exactly pretty, years of binding had let to quite a flat tissue that sagged and looked, to him at least, really disgusting. And before he was able to get a binder in high school, he used ace bandages, which had made his ribs look a little off. And before that there was the scars. His attempts to try and fix them when he had first noticed them growing. And it was embarrassing. They were his but, much like a cancer patient they weren’t, and they never would be accepted. When he put on his shirt, Bokuto came up behind him, planting his chin on Keiji’s shoulder. He pressed a kiss to the side of his neck and they both stared into the mirror. “You’re handsome. Akaashi.”

 

“You’re just saying that because you know how much i hate them.” Bokuto gasped, and furrowed his eyebrows. Keiji chuckled at the site. So dramatic, he was.

 

“I am not! You are handsome and pretty and beautiful, and manly and i love you lots and lot and lots and lots.”

 

“Well that was a run on sentence if i ever heard one.” he teased. Bokuto pouted, and then in a second his face lit up. He hummed and ran his hands through Keiji’s hair.

 

“Handsome.” He kissed Keiji’s left cheek. “Pretty.” He kissed Keiji’s right. “Beautiful.” Bokuto spun him around and quickly planted another kiss to his forehead. “Manly.” This one was on the lips. Just a peck. He would be stupid to say that he wasn’t phenomenally cheered up by the attention, and wasn’t blushing. But Bokuto didn’t need to know that. And instead Keiji pushed Bokuto onto the bed, he squeaked and Keiji laughed. He turned off the lights and crawled in as well, placing himself so he could be laying on Bokuto’s chest.

 

“Wake me up at seven thirty tomorrow, i’m sharing breakfast at the cafe with you.”

 

“Really!?” Keiji pressed a finger to Bokuto’s lips.

  
“Yes, really, now shut up, i’m going to actually get to sleep tonight, so help me god.” He heard Bokuto giggle, and then cuddled into him. Keiji didn’t protest, and instead did the same.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suga's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....This is long. enjoy?

His hands wandered around his lips like it was an adventure. Finding every crevice of his face as he held onto the wall for fear he might drown in those sea blue eyes of his. His lust could only measure so high to the love he fed him through hushed apologies and frantic goodbyes. The bed in his dorm was much softer than the hands traveling around his body, less than a flight to the next land mass over, that is what he was worth, hardly a nickel. Harley an ‘i love you’ after sex, hardly a kiss, hug or cuddle if he had made him mad. He clung on for dear life to those moments were his hips could be held against his lovers, his mouth could be torn from his dinner and to his bedroom. When he faced him it was a blessing, when he faced the sheets it was a gift. It was little more than jealousy that kept his lover connected to him. Little more than the wandering hands over at a dinner party. Little more then the anger as he watched his lover smash a dish against the counter, and he could feel his heart thudding in his ears as he tried and tried to de escalate. The taunts, and the names he was called, no bruise reached his skin because first it reached his ears. His heart. His mind. It came in whirlwinds of ‘where are you’ … ‘you didn’t call last night’...’are you with someone else?’.... The third of january is when he met his love. His lips pressed tightly to his drunken lips and his own sober teeth. It was passion and heart, warming him up from the inside out he felt it deep enough and far enough away to light a hundred candles with this single and solitary drunk and sloppy kiss. He compared them in his mind to his lovers, cold and desperately clinging on to those few moments where he was acknowledged for his own wants and needs even if he had to push them fast forward. He’d want the hug later but now was the only time to get it. Away from the streets, and people, flooding his life with their personalities and their worries. And instead, in the dark, with the lights of, a moan, and a sob. When his real love moved away coldness shrouded him. He was caught in the act. That was the only time the bruises reached his skin first.

  
  
  


-oOo-

  
  


Koushi sat at the far end of the couch, his knees tucked to his side, and his phone glued to face. Hinata was draped over the lone green cotton chair in way too big white t shirt. He was fiddling on his newly fixed laptop. Koushi had thought about Hinata’s job a lot. It wasn’t that he thought prostitution was inherently bad, in fact, with proper laws and regulations around it, it would actually be much safer and not a bad thing. But it wasn’t the exact morality of that had made him and Daichi want to get Hinata away from it, it was that it was dangerous. Hinata had already gotten a sprained ankle, a black eye, and extremely bad bruising around his ribs in just a couple of hours. HE was exposed to dangerous people, who, if he had runnings in with, couldn’t report it to the police unless he wanted himself to be punished. There was more, Koushi had taken guesses at what had happened to Hinata enough to feel that he wasn’t doing this out of no other option but as a way to punish himself, for, something. But that could just be his imagination. He tended to fret over other people with no warrant. Daichi was at his classes. It was roughly four and he had taken the day off, even if he knew he was just wasting his sick days. He had driven Hinata to the college and was appalled at just how easy it was for his classmates to pin him up as some sort of object. It was the first time he had actually heard whispers behind his back at college. It wasn’t high school  these were grown ups and it had set him up to be somewhat moody throughout the entire day. Hinata grunted at the screen of his computer, his posture shifting from relaxed to tensed. Koushi looked over. “Something wrong?” He asked. Hinata shook his head, before pushing his laptop onto the coffee table. He ran a hand over his face.

 

“I’m trying to explain why i was gone for some of my clients and someone is threatening to report me.” Koushi straightened. Report him, was this an online thing?

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well online i don’t tell the people who ask for the videos and sessions about street work but this guys found out and is getting really aggressive.” Hinata rubbed his hands nervously together. Koushi wondered how embarrassing this must be for him, he knew Daichi had that certain something that drew things out of people, fuck he was the main victim of it. Screw secrets when Daichi is around.

 

“Does he have proof?” Koushi asked. Hinata stilled at the mention. His face grew dark, Koushi was taken aback at how quickly the mood changed. And then Hinata was picking at his skin.

 

“I think he was one of the guys that hurt me… just some of the stuff he was saying, i don’t know how he could find some of the stuff,” Hinata trailed off at the end, looking warily at the laptop. “I think, i think they took pictures after….” Koushi heard his breath get caught in his throat, his eyes went wide and fearful for a second before he pulled that back in. 

 

“If they try to blackmail you with those photos no officer of the law would take into account your occupation if they actually saw how beaten up you looked. That was assault.” Maybe it had a little bit more bite in it then he had intended, since he saw Hinata tense up even more. Koushi sighed and scooted closer to the lone couch. “Sorry, i got a little mad there. Not at you, just, awful people who hurt you.” Hinata drew back. The sides of his mouth turned up slightly at the corners, a sad smile.

 

“You really care, don’t you?” Koushi nodded, of course he would care, anyone decent would care. Hinata looked so genuinely surprised at the thought of someone knowing and caring about him that it struck Koushi that Hinata probably hasn’t been shown the good side of people in a while. He may not have been the same a couple years ago. But it had been almost wicked the way Daichi handled things. It had confused him to no end how Daichi was able to calmly explain what he was feeling when Koushi was afraid he had angered him after an outburst. You don’t know how much someone angrily folding towels at you affects you until someone does it nicely.

 

“Any decent human being would care, unfortunately there’s not a lot of those out there. But yeah, i care.” Koushi breathed in harshly through his nose and chuckled. “Sorry, i’m so intense.”

 

“It’s fine.” Hinata said, a genuine smile gracing his features. The laptop screen dimmed and they both glanced at it.

 

“Do you need any help with him?” Hinata shook his head, his hair flying around and letting the setting orange background fade against it. Koushi glanced up at it in slight amazement. Then back down to his eyes, which were trained on the fraying old carpet edges. Daichi had asked if he could have it from his foster parents. That was a whole other can of worms Daichi hadn’t talked much about.

 

“I’ll just block him. It helped, what you said. Thanks.” Koushi nodded, and tightened his grip on his phone, falling back against the couch's back, away from the arms.

 

“Of course, i’m here for all of my friends.” Hinata’s eyes grew at that, how was it that a kid this social ended up in a pit of putrid life? Koushi put on a smile. “You are a friend by the way.” He swore he saw a glimmer of tear there. “But aside from all of this gross, grossness - how about having someone over for dinner, i’m feeling like a people person today, you too? Kageyama maybe?” There was a slight tint on Hinata’s cheeks that allowed Koushi’s plans to wedge themselves into the forefront. 

 

“Yeah! Sure! Kageyama was cool, a bit of a prick… but cool.” Koushi hummed a laugh and brought his phone to his face.

 

“Great! Take out? As much as i love Daichi’s cooking i doubt he’ll be awake enough to do anything more then microwave something.”

  
  


-oOo-

  
  
  


Daichi’s touch was not always gentle. He could be rough if the situation asked for it. His hands calloused for no other reason than that he was a man. But throughout every variant of touch Koushi had experienced from him, he was never cold, and he never withdrew if someone needed him. He was like, hmm, Koushi had yet to compare him to something. He was like Daichi, it was solely unique to him, as much bland he produced in other areas, with his touch, he was absolutely unique. And Koushi could feel the calloused and warm running of his fingers wafting through his hair as he tried to bring himself down from an anxiety attack. Laying and trembling against the couch’s milky blue fabric. Daichi uttered soothing words as he tried to get him back to the front. He chanced a look at Daichi, his eyes were wet but his face was calm. “How are you doing, love?” Koushi took in a jagged breath, held it, and blew out for five seconds. He tried to convince his body to relax. “It’s okay if you can’t answer, i understand. You’re a good person Koushi. You didn’t do anything wrong, no one is mad at you.” He knew that it was true, people shouldn’t be mad at him if he couldn’t make it to his morning class because he had a panic attack. But the whole reason was that they would be mad if he was late. It was winding itself around him and making him even more late, which just amped up the attack. His eyes felt tired. “You’re going to be okay.” Koushi glanced back to his boyfriend and let out a choked sound. He had slept in, it was his fault, he hit snooze and then just slept through the rest, and by now the class would be ending and his second class starting. He shivered at the thought, and frantically reached for Daichi’s hand. “I’m here. It’s okay if you're late, Koushi, You’re doing the best you can, doing just fine.”

 

“I’m sorry,” He breathed out, it sounded much more pathetic than he meant it to be. “I’m sorry, i’m sorry-”

 

“It’s okay, there isn’t anything for you to apologize for. Okay? You’re doing good, so good.” Daichi pulled him close to his chest, where Koushi breathed in jagged breaths, his ear planted over Daichi’s heart. He tried to focus on that, not being late. “Is there anything you need from me?” Koushi wanted to forget about him being late, but all his methods he usually had didn’t work when there was a time limit.

 

“I don’t know.” He forced out. Daichi just rocked him side to side, one arm wound around his shoulders and the other tangled in his hair. Koushi clutched onto his shirt, Daichi pressed a kiss to the top of his head. He leaned into it. His ex would never do that, when Koushi had a panic attack he was often just left to his own devices. Being with Daichi was a world away from that. The kiss he received, and the affection he got when he was upset, was unexpected but appreciated beyond anything. He relied a lot on physical affection, even if it didn’t seem like it. Words were amazing, but they only meant so much to him. And they were harder to accept as truth after they broke up.

 

“How about, we give it ten minutes, and i will drive you to your next class okay? What do you need for these next ten minutes, remember if you need more, you can have more time, and needing that time is not bad at all. We can get you something to eat, something to drink. Walk around… Or i can just hold you as much as you need me to.” Koushi nodded. “Don’t think you can’t ask for things, love, anything you need.”

 

“Can you kiss me?” Koushi asked, a little embarrassed. What if Daichi thought he was faking it? What if he thought he was being to clingy?

 

“Of course,” He said, his smooth voice swooping to his head again. Around his face Daichi gave him small kisses. With each one Koushi could feel a little more reassured. He closed his eyes and breathed to the rhythm of Daichi’s breaths.

 

“Thank you.” He said, his voice a little less wet.

 

“Of course.”

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


Koushi was exhausted after his attack. Daichi dropped him off at the college, Hinata had caught a bus when he realized that Koushi was still asleep.  His classes passed by switly, swfiter then they usually did, he wasn’t paying to much attention, mostly focusing on not falling asleep. And he was meeting with Noya and his dad as well. What was he getting himself into? He needed to take care of himself more if he wanted to keep on helping people. Koushi rocked against the side of a stone walled building, clutching at his head, ever since his attack he had gotten a headache. He had taken four advil and hoped it would have gone by now. No, only slightly. “Suga!” Noya yelled, rushing up to him, clad in his summer best. Koushi wasn’t sure if he was actually trying to impress his dad or if it was subconscious. Either way, he looked nice. Nice, plain white t shirt and black pants, a nice sky blue sweater. Noya bounded up to him as Koushi tried shifting himself into a position that made him look less pathetic and worn down. “How was your day? Daichi said it was a rough start.” Koushi brushed it off, Daichi couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

 

“Oh, i just woke up late is all, Daichi worries too much about me.” Noya laughed and rolled his eyes.

 

“Tell me about it. Asahi kept insisting he came. But i’m glad he didn’t.” He paused, looking down at his hands, his bright orange backpack clashing against his unusually dim toned outfit. After a little too long of a silence, Koushi took his hands and smiled down at him. Being as warm as he possibly could be. Daichi could be so much warmer.

 

“It’s going to go fine, we’ll leave the minute you want to.” Noya nodded. Looking back up at him.

 

“You really are an amazing friend Suga.” Of course Noya would say something so nice. He rolled his eyes and straightened the bag on his shoulder. It was going to be a late lunch. He hadn’t ever met Noya’s father before, though through story’s from Asahi, Noya didn’t like talking about his family, he didn’t seem like the best person. Of course though, he kicked his son out for being gay. What was up with his friends and their shitty parents?

 

“Stop being so sentimental  we have a lunch to get, and drama to pursue.” Noya ruffled his hands through his hair, it looked like he had spent more time fixing it then he usually did.

 

“Ha, you’re right. God, i’m sorry if you don’t understand like half the conversation by the way. Signing and all. You know a bit though right?”

 

“A bit,” He tilted his hand side to side and smiled, “Let’s go, i’m actually feeling pain from how hungry i am.”

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


The man sitting across from him was one of those stereotypical dads. Button up shirt and brown dress pants, all of those cliches mixed in with a cold stone stare. Koushi kept his grin and calmly ate his meal as the rest of the table did as well. Noya’s mother decided not to join them, apparently they had separated again.

//So, dad, you wanted to talk?//

“So, dad you wanted to talk?” Koushi ate his food slower, eyeing the both of them. The man nodded and took in a deep sigh.

 

//I’m sorry, ------ - Make you  (sad?) ----//

 

//After you contacted me i went back on drugs, hey dad, did you know i’m a drug addict? Comes with being abandoned by your parents. Sad, really.//

“After you contacted me i went back on drugs, hey dad, did you know i’m a drug addict? Comes with being abandoned by your parents. Sad really.”

 

// --- I didn’t ----- you doing this-----//

 

//Maybe you should have thought of that before you kicked me out for being gay.//

“Maybe you should have thought of that before you kicked me out for being gay.” Koushi stopped his eating, trying to politely excuse his presence from the conversation. Noya looked pissed, and his dad looked the same.

 

//I didn’t grow --- --- kid----you should------not my fault-----broke----last//

 

//You don’t even realize that i’m still dating him, you never even asked, when i came in it has been all about you, how you suffered. Not at all how i suffered, I have been completely alone with this, my family was my entire community and you ripped that away from me as easily as throwing a peice of trash away. Do you know how that feels? I’m still not accepted in this society as it is and i have it a lot better then just a couple years prior, imagine being a couch surfing queer homeless youth. I mean i had friends, never slept on the street unless i went a little to hard on the drink. Asahi has taken better care of me then you ever have. Took me forever to actually like holding his hand outside. You ruined that for me, you ruined everything.//

“You don’t even realize that i’m still dating him, you never even asked, when i came in it has been all about you, how you suffered. Not at all how i suffered, I have been completely alone with this, my family was my entire community and you ripped that away from me as easily as throwing a peice of trash away. Do you know how that feels? I’m still not accepted in this society as it is and i have it a lot better then just a couple years prior, imagine being a couch surfing queer homeless youth. I mean i had friends, never slept on the street unless i went a little to hard on the drink. Asahi has taken better care of me then you ever have. Took me forever to actually like holding his hand outside. You ruined that for me, you ruined everything”

 

//Now wait-- --- --------//

 

//No! Dad, you don’t get it, i love him. I like guys, and that doesn’t make me disgusting, that doesn’t give you a reason to abandon me. Yeah sure, you’re older than us, you have different views, but that doesn’t excuse abandoning your son, because as much as i hate you, and i will probably never forgive you for what you did to me, i’m still your son. And I love Asahi, I want to marry him someday. And you lost the chance to be happy for me about that. I hope you regret it forever.//

“No! Dad, you don’t get it, i love him. I like guys, and that doesn’t make me disgusting, that doesn’t give you a reason to abandon me. Yeah sure, you’re older than us, you have different views, but that doesn’t excuse abandoning your son, because as much as i hate you, and i will probably never forgive you for what you did to me, i’m still your son. And I love Asahi, I want to marry him someday. And you lost the chance to be happy for me about that. I hope you regret it forever.”

 

//-----//

 

//Goodbye dad//

“Goodbye dad, Suga let’s go, i want to go home.” Noya got up from the table, and started walking to the front desk. Koushi quickly gathered his things, Dashing up behind Noya and shoving his wallet back into his hands, handing the lady at the desk his card. Noya’s father got up from the table as well, he didn’t look angry anymore. Just sad. There was a flicker of pity for him before it was wiped away when Noya linked their arms together, he was shaking.

 

//I’m sorry, ----- really sorry.// Noya narrowed his eyes, scowling. He let go of Koushi and stepped in front of him.

 

//If you want that, Tell my family, that i’m a good person, and not a mistake, like you said i was.//

“If you want that, Tell my family, that i’m a good person, and not a mistake, like you said i was” Noya grabbed him again, Koushi just grabbing back his card, and pulling him through the door, and out of the restaurant. They walked quickly a couple blocks away before Noya suddenly stopped. Koushi watched his cheeks burn bright red and his shoulders shake. He sniffled a little before straightening. “I’m sorry, that was a mess.”

 

“No, Noya, it’s fine. You did your best.” Noya looked away, at the traffic rushing past them as they stood there. Noya clenched his fists. “Noya?”

 

“C- can you help me with something?” His eyes were wet, Koushi could swear he would see marks on his hands from his nails with how tight he was clenching them.

 

“Of course.”

 

“I’m going to marry Asahi.” So he meant that, was seriously thinking about that when he said it. Koushi took a step forward to grab his hand, but Noya pulled away. “I’m going to propose to him. And, i have no idea,” He stifled a laugh, tears finally falling from his eyes. “I have no idea how to do that.” He reached a fist up and wiped his face. Koushi took the second step forward, wrapping his arms around him. Noya fell into the hug, allowing it to last a couple of seconds before Koushi resigned to one arm around him, bracing themselves to keep moving down the sidewalk.

 

“It’s about goddamn time.” Koushi chuckled. “Let’s get you home, to your boyfriend, and soon to be fiance.” Noya laughed and nodded. Before they both headed off in the direction of the bus.

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


“You’re working yourself too hard.” He had gotten home less than an hour ago. He had been told Hinata had gone out with a friend before he had gotten back. It was weird. They had both settled that Hinata wouldn’t pay rent until he got a job that was safer than the one he was currently relying on. But of course, he woke up every morning to one of the cleanest houses ever, which in a way could be better than money. But Koushi, despite the okayness he had with the situation was feeling on edge. Maybe it was true, he was taking on too much. But he already knew that. What else was he supposed to do? Let people down? No he wasn’t that cruel. He wasn’t going to let that happen to someone else.

 

“I really don’t need to hear this from you, right now.” Koushi occupied his nerves with helping out Daichi with the cooking.

 

“I didn’t mean to make you mad, i just want you to take better care of yourself. Put yourself first for once.” Koushi rolled his eyes and filled up the pot of vegetables with water.

 

“That’s what i have you for right?” Daichi shrugged and continued his work. Koushi sighed. “Noya’s going to propose to Asahi.” There was a loud clatter behind him, Koushi whipped around.

 

“Shit! Ouch.” Koushi rushed forwards. “Just a small cut, but. Seriously? He is?” Koushi took Daichi’s hand in his, examining the cut. When was Daichi going to be able to handle surprises without hurting himself? He tutted, and moved his hand over to the sink.

 

“Be more careful Daichi, I don’t need to worry about you too. And yes, he is. Bout time in my book.” Daichi watched submissively as Koushi fussed over his tiny wound. “Do you have neosporin?”

 

“Well i’m just surprised is all…”

 

“You’re surprised by everything. When Bokuto tics you jump. And you’ve known him since high school.” Koushi pulled out a tiny drawer in the kitchen near the end of the room. He fiddled around till he found a small bottle of neosporin. He went back and squeezed a little out.

 

“Well he can be a bit loud.” Koushi snorted.

 

“You work in a gay bar. How loud can he be?” Koushi placed the small bandage over his finger.

 

“You now, it was hardly a papercut you didn’t have to put a bandaid over it.”

 

“And what would you do? Drizzle hydrogen peroxide over it like a salad dressing? No no, you were cutting meat. This actually works.” Koushi patted his hand and smiled up at him. “Noya asked if we could help him find a ring.”

 

“When?” Daichi asked.

 

“Sometime next week or so. You can go right? You, me, Noya, and Tanaka.” He really hoped he would come, maybe he could find out what DAichi liked himself, but that was a far away thought.

 

“Of course, i’m gonna go. My best friend is going to propose to my other best friend.” Koushi giggled. “I can hardly believe it.”

 

“Your mom must have had a hard time making you believe in santa huh…” Koushi clicked his tongue, and teased. Daichi groaned and rolled his eyes.

 

“Oh, shush, you.”

 

-oOo-

  
  


Koushi wandered out of his room tuesday night, he wasn’t able to sleep. HE was to stressed out every time he came close to sleep he got that icky feeling of falling, and the butterflies weren’t going away so he thought he would go out into the living room and strike up an episode of something lighthearted. Maybe Friends. But instead of the empty view of the comfy couch he saw a curled up Hinata. He knew the kid had nightmares, night terrors more like, it had happened only once that weekend but he often talked about how little sleep he was able to get and how tired he felt. Koushi had worried about that a lot too. His mother would tell him to stop worrying about other people if she was here but, she was a nurse, and that’s where he got it from. Koushi examined him further and found that his hair was wet, had he taken a shower at three in the morning? He padded across the wooden floors and slowly took a seat next to Hinata. “You’re up to?” Hinata nodded with his face shoved into his arm. “Did you take a shower?” Hinata nodded again, leaning slightly away from Koushi. He trembled slightly when he tried to reach for his hair. “Why did you take a shower?” There was a whimper beneath the bundle of blanket and hair. There was a whirring in the closet next to the door. Had Daichi put in a load of laundry? No, he didn’t think so… “Are you doing laundry?” Hinata nodded slightly as he let out a shaky breath. It was really early to be doing any of these things, he wondered what made….was it? “Hinata, are you okay? Did something happen?”

 

“It’s s- s- so disgusting.” Hinata spat. “I didn’t D d-didn’t want it.” He hiccuped, his shoulder shaking with his sobs. “I really d di didn’t.”

 

“Are your sheets in the wash?” Hinata nodded, hiccupping and sobbing as he curled in on himself more. “What happened?” Koushi said, sadness in his voice.

 

“Bad dream. I i threw up a a after…” He trailed off into high pitched crying. Slamming his fists against his head. Koushi quickly grabbed them and pulled them down. Hinata flinched but quickly relaxed.

 

“Does that happen often?” Koushi gently rubbed circles on Hinata’s palms with his thumbs, trying to sooth his frantic breaths.

 

“W- w when i was a y younger.” He paused to catch his breath then loud out a high pitched whine, “I’m so sorry. I’m so gross.” When Koushi had left his ex he had had nightmares about everyone turning on him. His reputation turning into something less like the fun and nice friend to help and into the weak and mean cheater. He had never been so scared, he had rushed into the bathroom dry heaving. Ennoshita had to calm him back down, and assure him that no one was going to hate him.

 

“OH no, no, Hinata, you’re not gross. Dreams can really hurt us, and our bodies sometimes react in ways we don’t want them to, it’s not your fault that happened, honey, no.” Hinata continued to cry. Clutching onto Koushi’s hands like his life depended on it. “I’m going to hug now, you if that’s okay with you.” Hinata slightly nodded and let himself be pulled into the hug, his muscles tensing and joints constricting into odd shapes as he moved them.

 

“I i never said no.” His voice was muffled in Koushi’s shirt.

 

“It doesn’t matter. It’s effecting you, and you have every right to be upset about it. And it is not your fault that this happened to you.” Hinata whimpered into his chest. Koushi rubbed circles on his back.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what was happening.”

 

“You were a kid?” Koushi asked, he shouldn’t pry. Hinata nodded.

 

“Eight t to thirteen.”

 

“What happened?” Hinata’s limbs tensed even more under him.

 

“M my dad is in j jail, because.” Hinata breathed in a shaky breath. “He r raped m me.” It should have been obvious to him. He had always been good at that. Maybe it was just that he didn’t want to believe it. It made him sick to his stomach to think that someone would have to live with that forever. No wonder Hinata ended up where he was at, It was surprising he didn’t wind up worse. He pulled in the boy more. “I thought i could forget.” He whispered softly into Koushi’s shirt. His tears making the fabric damp.

 

“It’s okay if you can’t, it makes sense that you can’t, but it’ll get better. If you ever need anything, need to talk, or just hug, don’t hesitate to come to me okay? I’m here for you. Even if you hate yourself for it, i won’t.” Koushi ran a hand up the back of Hinata’s neck and ruffeled it through his hair.

 

“Thank you, s Suga.”

 

“Mmhmm, I’ll get you some blankets, you can sleep out here tonight okay?” Hinata nodded into his chest. “I was going to watch some TV to try and sleep, would you like to join me?” Another nod. “Okay.”

 

-oOo-

  
  


It was late again. He often worked late, it was a part time job but an extra hour or two for closing was nothing he couldn’t handle, Kageyama tended to get grumpy around the night which was pretty much the only time he worked. And Akaashi had been more clumsy than he should be. He had shattered three plates in the last week, and as nice and understanding of their work schedule as their boss was, Akaashi was not on the best terms. During the last semester he was taking the blow of his academic stress harder than the rest of them. Using up nearly all of his vacation days and having to be sent home because he nearly passed out on the job. And Oikawa slacked off, honestly, he was a good guy, but he was infuriating, held himself higher than others, even though Koushi knew he knew he wasn’t. Tsukishima wasn’t much better, He had been skipping work to take care of his boyfriend, who, turned out just had spinal surgery. He wasn’t just going to leave it to a barely functioning staff when he could take the brunt of the work and still be home by the time Daichi decided to worry. Oikawa had left early, of course, Akaashi had been shooed home by him, and Tsukishima was dealing with customers who were coming in three minutes before it closed to have a long chat over coffee. Tobio was cleaning up the back, which left him with the front of the store.

 

He finished a couple minutes before everyone else, so he waited by the door. Maybe Kageyama would need a ride. The bus sometimes were more forgetful past ten. Tsukishima grabbed his stuff from the small close they had as their ‘break room’. He smiled politley at Koushi as he passed. “‘Night.”

 

“‘Night, oh Tsukishima, how is Yamaguchi?” Tsukishima shrugged. And shoved his hands into his pockets.

 

“Getting better, at least now he won’t have to wear that stupid brace.” Koushi nodded, and twirled his keys around his index finger, idly waiting for his younger friend.

 

“If you need anything don’t hesitate to ask, okay?” Tsukishima nodded. Adjusting his bag around his shoulders. He was quite tall, taller than Yamaguchi. If he had first seen them together he wouldn’t have guessed they would be together, they were different in a way that seemed to clash, but ultimately didn’t.

 

“Yeah. I won’t. I’ll be back to normal hours when i can go back to my dorm. Maybe then you won’t have to wait to give Kingly here a ride.” Koushi laughed a little.

 

“I don’t mind. I can give you one if you’d like.” Tsukishima shook his head.

 

“No, i’m fine, i like walking.” They sat in a comfortable silence before Tsukishima stepped out with a slight wave. Kageyama exited the back and walked up to him ready to go.

 

“I can take the bus.”

 

“Sure, but you can pick the music on my radio if i give you a ride.” Kageyama shrugged, following Koushi out the door and to the car. When they were settled, Kageyama searching the stations of the radio randomly, Koushi had a thought. “So, what do you think of hinata?” He raised an eyebrow. Kageyama made the slightest of twitches and went back to his searching. HE shrugged, his shoulder bag sitting in his lap.

 

“He’s fine i guess. Loud, Annoying. Know’s nothing about painting. He thought acrylics and oils were the same thing.”

 

“Anything you actually like about him?” Koushi suggested leaning on his steering wheel.

 

“His hair is to orange.”

 

“Was that supposed to be something you liked?” he laughed. Kageyama shrugged again and leaned back, finally settling on some weird station he hadn’t heard before. The music was ...synth-y?

 

“It’s a nice orange, i guess.”

 

“You guess.” He started the car. It rumbled beneath them.

 

“Okay, he has a good voice then.”

 

“You heard him?” Said Koushi.

 

“I walked passed him on my way to my next class.”  Koushi Carefully pulled out of the parking space. He wondered what Hinata sounded like, his voice was probably high… “He was auditioning for something.” Koushi glanced at his for a moment. There was a concert coming up. Many of the schools singing groups and clubs, and sometimes classes, performed in them as well as individual performances.

 

“Was it for the show coming up?” Kageyama shrugged. He fiddled through his bag. Of course, Koushi thought. He always managed to snag the leftovers before the rest of them were able to. The street lamps made light dance across their faces as they drove down the downtown streets.

 

“He sounded nice though.” Koushi hummed as he drove.

“You liked his voice?” Kageyama shrugged and bit into a stolen scone.

 

“It was high.” He paused as he chewed. Akaashi sang, he had heard him a little bit. But, from what Bokuto had told him, he much preferred his cello, or the piano. He sounded chocolaty, did Hinata sound like that?

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Huh.” Daichi sang sometimes when he cooked, but he didn’t sound good, and his voice was raspy and growly. He sang those guitar songs, with the catchy tunes, the ones you could snap to. It was silly how different their taste in music was. Koushi liked the more gentle music, or some stuff from the eighties, a little bit of synth maybe, but he liked female voices, the angelic ones. The ones you could imagine crying glitter for no reason. What kind of music did Hinata like? What kind of music did Kageyama like? Ennoshita liked a little bit of everything, while his favorite song was by kate bush, wuthering heights. He wondered if he could sing as high as she did.

 

“Suga…” Noya and Tanaka liked pop music, or party music, all the stuff with the glitches in the background. Katy perry was their shared upon favorite, but Noya liked the stuff with heavy bass, he said he could feel it vibrate when he had headphones on and it was easier to get the jist of than other songs. Tanaka liked the happy poppy stuff but he also liked folksy stuff, a lot of the same things Daichi liked but a little more vocal range behind it. “Suga.” Asahi, he didn’t know he never really heard him listening to it. Noya sang terribly but loudly. He remembered that, always humming to loud on the bus or when they were out. Asahi probably like those coffee house music they played. “Sugawara.” HE snapped out of his thoughts. “You missed the turn.” Kageyama said, looking slightly annoyed but with a hint of worry.

 

“Oh.” Suga said, the light was red. What had he been doing? “I… I guess i did. Sorry Kageyama, guess i got distracted.” Kageyama placed the cafe labeled paper bag into his own black shoulder bag and shrugged again. That seemed to be his default response to pretty much everything. Oikawa said that he wasn’t always that quiet, or what Tsukishima said he was. Maybe he was nervous around people? Koushi didn’t know, he kind of wanted to though, maybe it was his sister….

 

“It’s okay, if you drop me off here it’s just around the corner.” Koushi nodded, too much in his daze to object. 

 

“O okay...yeah.” The cars seemed to be going faster than they should be. How far away from home was he? An overwhelming sense of panic filled his chest. He needed to get home, but why did he need to get home, there wasn’t anything wrong. The day had gone well. He jumped when the door to his car slammed shut. He didn’t even wave goodbye, Kageyama must hate him now. Daichi was expecting him home for dinner, probably wanting him to help. It was nearly eleven. Shit. “Shit.” He said that outloud to. Koushi let his head fall into the steering wheel. What was even going on? Yori could sing…. “No. No no no! NO! Koushi we are not thinking about that right now. Not thinking about that.” Not thinking about that. Why was he thinking about that? He slammed his fists against the steering wheel. Again and again until they were red and tingly. No that he thought about it he didn’t even remember pulling of to the side. He wondered if meter maids worked nights. No. The sign said they didn’t. He should call someone, he should call someone to get him. Everything felt really far away and he didn’t think he could drive. Oh god, if Yori was here he would be throwing a fit. “I thought i said we weren’t going to think about that?” He let out a laugh, huffing as it turned into a strained cry. He took out his phone, dialing the first number that came up. The ringing continued on until the last ring. “Ennoshita?”

 

“Koushi? Why are you calling? You sound upset.” Koushi nodded before realizing he was on the phone.

 

“Could you, could you come pick me up? I’m in my car”

 

“Can you just drive here?” Ennoshita said, Koushi could already hear the ruffling of the blankets. “I mean where are we going to put your car. I can’t drive two cars at once.” Koushi sucked in a breath. Trembling as he let it out. He would have to figure out the car.

 

“I can’t, i can’t drive.”

 

“Did something happen?” Koushi sucked in through his teeth. He clenched his hands into fists and palmed at his eyes.

 

“Nothing even happened and i can’t focus.”

 

“Okay. I’ll call Daichi to see what he can do for the car okay? I’ll get you home first though.”

 

“To our house”

 

“To our house.” Koushi let out a sigh. “Okay i’m going to hang up now. You just hang tight till i get there. Text me the location. Hang tight Suga.” Hang tight.

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


“I don’t know, maybe it’s the season? Allergies?” Suga suggested, tearing up a roll of french bread he had bought that morning. School had gone well enough. And work had gone well enough. Koushi had spent another night at his place. It shouldn’t have felt so weird. He had forgotten how messy he was. Just like Daichi, always cleaning up his messes. Daichi deserved better. Ennoshita sat on the arm of their couch. Biting straight off the other half of the bread.

 

“Could be, but i don’t think so. I mean, that, well, you said that Yori recently got back from a year long trip.” The name sent chills down his spine. He recoiled as he chewed on his bread. Koushi nodded. “Have you seen him?

 

“Yeah, once or twice in passing. Think he has a girlfriend.” Ennoshita harrumphed and slid onto the couch cushions.

 

“Do you think you have like, i don’t know. He gave you worse anxiety?”

 

“Why would you say that?”

 

“Suga, he abused you.” Koushi averted his eyes, and pouted as he chewed on his bread.

 

“He only hit me once.”

 

“He doesn’t have to hit you for it to be abuse. I saw the way he talked to you, he undermined everything you said, and insulted you like it was normal. I barely got to see you, you never talked to any of your friends, and you skipped your classes. He was abusive.” It was true, when he was with Yori he was never allowed to go out with friends, well he was allowed he just didn’t feel good about it after. He’d break things when he was mad. Get into arguments with him that ended up with Koushi sleeping on his couch, because he wasn’t allowed to go to his own dorm in fear that Yori would suspect he was cheating on him. Which he did, he did cheat on him. With that one stupid kiss Daichi gave him. But, he had admitted to it being abuse, only because Daichi had told him. He couldn’t admit it.

 

“He wasn’t all bad…”

 

“You’ve told me Suga, how he would ignore you for days after you got into fights. Do you really think that’s healthy?” Ennoshita was giving him that look, the look he had seen him give his friends. The one Koushi gave to his friends. He looked away.

 

“It wasn’t abuse.”

 

“Fine, deny it all you like, it’s still affecting you, and it’s affecting your relationship with Daichi.” Koushi grunted and placed his food down. No it wasn’t. His relationship was fine. Daichi helped him through his anxiety attacks and they practically lived together. Maybe sometimes he got scared Daichi was mad at him and leave randomly. But that was normal relationship stuff.

 

“Yeah, whatever.” Ennoshita balled his fists and shook his head. He took his food to the kitchen.

 

“I’m taking a walk.”

 

“Yeah, fine. Do whatever you want.”

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


Daichi held him flush against his bare chest. It was early sunday morning. Koushi had purchased the black out curtains to help them both sleep, since Daichi tended to sleep in past noon on weekends. Which left Koushi to dwell on himself for a couple hours. He was warm, he was dating a walking talking furnace. Summers sucked. But he couldn’t help himself to brush away any touch Daichi gave. Holding on in case he would leave him. Maybe he did need help. Maybe ennoshita was right. Yori was back in class and every time he looked at him he felt a feeling of dread. But it was just like what anyone else would feel with their ex. He stirred slightly in Daichi’s arms. He was being an idiot. He should stop dwelling with a stupid relationship that happened over three years ago and just get on with his life like usual. “Are you up?” Daichi mumbled into his shoulder, still half asleep.

 

“Mmhmm” Daichi’s warm breath flitted across his shoulder.

 

“Why are you up? it’s like three am.”

 

“It’s eight. Actually.” He smiled.

 

“I wanna go to sleep.” Daichi pouted and kissed his shoulder.

 

“Then go to sleep.”

 

“I want to cuddle you.”

 

“I’ll go back to sleep, i’m just thinking. I’ll cuddle you.” Daichi pressed another kiss to his shoulder.

 

“Yay. I love you, good morning.”

 

“Good Morning, Daichi.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, i'm sorry this is so late, last week i had lost internet on Thursday and Friday, and all of this is saved on google docs for computer switching convenience. Then i went to oregon for the weekend, went back to my dads for day before going to my moms for an audition i got callbacks for and then the whole production was cancelled (i swear to god.) then a day after that i had to go to a weezer and panic! at the disco concert (which had fulfilled my life wishes, weezer is my fucking childhood) concert in canada, then drive back down to my dads. And then the rest of the days is just me trying to get my groove back. In short, this chapter might be broken a little. I'm hoping that when i finish the story i can edit it to be better, in general. becuase we all know my grammar and spelling are a godawful mess. anyways thanks for being so patient.

Kageyama had shown up just a couple minutes after Suga had asked him. Daichi and him both walking through the door at the same time, bearing food. Kageyama was broody, he seemed to always be trying too hard, unpredictable anger. But he was really good at what he liked, they had texted several times over the weekend and Shouyou had gotten him into several tangents about art. Shouyou found out he likes watercolors as his favorite medium. Though, Kageyama rarely kept up conversations and did not ask Shouyou questions. Which annoyed him to no end. He walked in with his hair and clothes slightly damp, as well as a little trickle on Daichi. It must have rained, Shouyou thought. He put on his brightest smile and waved. “Hello! Kageyama! Daichi!” Daichi gave a nice smile, his eyes lighting up at the sight of his boyfriend sitting on the small blue love seat they owned. Kageyama kept his blank expression and waved, taking off his coat and folding it around his arm as Daichi stepped into the kitchen to put the bags of takeout on the outdated tile counter tops. “Did you have a nice day today?” Shouyou asked, clutching onto his shins, he was sitting cross legged on the bigger couch in front of the window. His laptop and papers sprawled across the table.

 

“Yeah, It was good.” Daichi called from the kitchen. “What about you?”

 

“Fun! Kageyama?” said boy walked toward him with his coat in his hand, he shrugged and draped it over the arm of the couch. He wondered what Kageyama’s smile was like, did he smile when he talked about art. He wondered. It was almost ungrateful. “Kageyama! Smile! Aren’t you happy you’re here?” Kageyama stared at him, his expression going darker, eyebrows furrowing together. “Aw, come one! Aren’t you happy to see me?” HE snarled and rolled his eyes, Leaning his head down. He picked his head back up and smiled. Yeesh. If that’s what he looked like smiling he didn’t want to see it. “Oh, on second thought, nevermind.” He heard a snort in the corner from Suga. Kageyama scowled and clenched his fists. Shouyou reeled back. Was he really that mad? Did he really make him that mad? How many different types of terrifying faces could this boy make? Was it some sort of special skill? “AH! Don’t kill me, i didn’t mean it.” Shouyou put his hands up defensively. Kageyama scowled deeper.

 

“I’m not gonna kill you, dumbass.” Suga let out another chortle. “What?”

 

“Kageyama, you don’t have to be so mean about it.” Suga teased. Kageyama rolled his eyes and strode over to the kitchen where Shouyou assumed he would help dish out portions. Suga glanced at him.

 

“What?” Suga looked away laughing, rolling his eyes. “What? What did i do?” He shook his head. Kageyama came out of the kitchen carrying two plates. He stumbled slightly on the edge of the rugs, grunting as he did so, he regained himself and handed the plate to Suga. Who thanked him politely, and sat with his knees splayed to the side. Daichi came out just a second after and set Shouyou’s plate in front of him on top of one of his books. Kageyama was just about to sit down next to Suga, but Daichi slided in next to his boyfriend. And it left Kageyama standing awkwardly in front of them, scowling deeply. He looked between the couple and Shouyou, rolled his head back and stomped over to the longer couch.

 

“What are all these papers?” He asked.

 

“My schoolwork.” Shouyou said, shoving a sizeable portion of noodles into his mouth and slurping on them.

 

“Are you always this disorganized?” He didn’t say it with a taunt like Shouyou had expected, but more with confusion. Suga snorted from the loveseat. They both looked over at him.

 

“Like you’re one to talk.” Kageyama grunted and dug into his food. The night continued with light chatter. Shouyou made an effort to egg Kageyama on as much as he could to bring him out of his annoyingly quiet and grimace -y face he always did. Like he had any reason to be a big grump all the time. And everything he did that managed to get Kageyama to speak up, whether it was to yell, or to stare in complete silence looking he was on the verge of homicide, Suga laughed. Every single time. It was like he was rooting for Shouyou to die. It was endlessly frustrating having to drag him into an actual conversation and maybe their weekend of texting had left Shouyou a little more agitated with him then he had any right to be. He wanted to know more about this kid be his friend. Either way, by the end of the night, he was able to catch a small genuine smile before Kageyama left. And something about set a little shiver down his spine, in a good way. It was a good night. Far too few were nights where he could sit down with people he called his friends and eat, far toe few friends did he actually have.

 

Shouyou opened the door to his room, after having tidied up his paper and books and laptop and then bringing them to the small dresser in his room, of course, he wasn’t a pig. Plus he wasn’t paying rent so he might as well be extra cautious and courteous. Before he could enter, Suga had said something from across the hall he didn’t quite catch, he angled himself. “Sorry, what?”

 

“I said, sleep well.”

 

“OH, uh, you too.” And before he could dismiss himself, he briefly wondered how long it had been since someone said that to him.

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


Shouyou rummaged through the drawers in his parents’ room. Folding through lacey fabrics, socks, tank tops and underwear. He was looking for something. He had to tell his mom, he had to get her to know what was happening, but he didn’t even know. All he knew was that it was bad, and it hurt. His underwear had blood in them and he had to throw them away in his neighbor’s bins to try and hide it from his mom. Sometimes his father would help him clean up too, but that always lead to something bad. Something that hurt him for a while. His mother hadn’t been able to pay as much attention to him as of late because of the baby. Natsu had been born a couple months before, just a couple months after it had started happening. Shouyou was going to turn nine soon. He didn’t want to have to hide it anymore. It was hurting, and maybe if dad stopped he could start playing real games with him again. Shouyou’s hands flitted over the light blue and black boxers, there they were. Shouyou stripped out of his school clothes, discarding them onto the floor. He pulled on his dads boxers over his bare skin and looked in the mirror. Maybe this would help.

His mother had the baby in a sling around her neck. Cooing and awing at the smell of his mother’s cooking. Natsu drooled and giggled as his mother hummed softly to her. Shouyou walked up behind her. Clad in his dad’s underwear. He flapped his arms at his sides, coughing to get his moms attention. “Shouyou?” She said, slowly turning around, bouncing little steps to make the baby smile. Her stark brown hair, contrasting against her children’s bright and happy orange. Carrot top, she called him, and Sunshine. Her eyes widened a bit when she saw him in his dads boxers, and then a smile graced her face. “OH, hunny, what are you doing wearing your fathers underwear?” She laughed.  Shouyou shivered in his skin, goosebumps gracing his body and his hair standing on end. He lifted a shaky hand and extended his thumb. His mother cocked her head to the side. “Carrot top?” She asked, a little concerned. He pointed the thumb at his dads boxers and then back to his chest. To his boxers, and then back to his chest. “Shouyou, what are you doing?” To his dad’s boxers and then to his chest. His mother shook her head. “Shouyou,” She sighed. “Go get dressed, you can’t wear that at the dinner table.” He shook his head frantically. He pointed, more desperately at his dad’s boxers and then at his chest again. “Go get changed, I won’t ask again, shouyou.” He threw his hand to his side. She wasn’t getting it. He was going to be stuck in this situation forever. He stomped his feet and pouted his lip. “Shouyou, I will give you to the count of three to go get up those stairs.” Shouyou collapsed to the ground, he let out a scream. As loud as she could, he laid on his stomach. Maybe she would get it now. He let out another scream, and flailed his limbs, thrashing against the carpet. “One, Shouyou.” He screamed again. Letting tears fall down his cheeks. Natsu began to cry as well. His mother stopped her counting, her face going a bright red. He heard her heavy footsteps reach him. “Get up shouyou, if you’re going to throw a tantrum please do so in your room. You are hurting your sister.” He let out another scream.

“What in the hell is going on in here?” IT was his dad. Shouyou stilled. His mother’s hands were on her hips.

“Someone decided to have a little show in the kitchen. He is going to his room now, right Shouyou?” Shouyou Lay perfectly still on the ground, his heart racing. Shouyou picked himself up slowly. Tears streaming down his face.

“Why is he wearing my underwear?” His father asked, a slight tremble in his voice.

“Kids… They love their dads I guess.” Shouyou shivered and crawled up the steps. This was it, he was going to have to keep feeling the pain forever. He was never going to get out of it.

  
  


-oOo-

 

Shouyou awaited anxiously. It was just an after school thing. Well kind of in the weird middle of school thing, but auditions were being held all day and he had a twenty minute break between classes and he assumed that the short sixteen measure audition wouldn’t interfere. IT was for the show that was coming in two months. Showcasing the various talents of their school. He was already in one of the performances because of his major and their certain requirements. But this was for the solo in his group for after hours. He hadn’t tried it last year, being to nervous about his range to make himself audition for anything other than backup. He had a range of A2 to A5. He had been trying to stretch it for a while. Go higher and higher. It was an amazing feeling, hitting the note you had been working so hard to hit for weeks. It was even better when you could hold it straight perfect, no waver. He had practiced the song for weeks, the moment he suspected an audition would be around the corner.

 

He tapped his feet nervously in one of the worn out theatre chairs. He should be going on soon. Sure enough, his name was called, and he made his way to the front of the room. The theatre was painted all black: popcorn textured walls on the sides, and a small oblong shape duct taped off to the side for small orchestra that accompanied musicals. A piano was in that spot now. A man in his mid fifties with a goatee smiled at him as he made his way across the black painted boarded floor. The man held out his hand for the sheet music. Shouyou shakily gave it to him. He shouldn’t be this shaky, once he’s actually singing it would all die away like it always did. He just wished his nerves didn’t effect his stomach so much, it was embarrassing. The man said a brief thank you and the judges asked if he could step forward. “Do you know you're range?”

 

“Yes.” Shouyou said while nodding. Uhg, did he really though? Of course he did, he was just being stupid.

 

“Would you like us to briefly go through it?” Shouyou nodded, grateful for the chance to double check and also maybe warm up a little. A moment of piano playing later he had calmed down. A clean slate ready to sign. The piano picked up the tune and he began. At first his eyes were closed, not daring to look at the faces around him as he stiffly sang every note to it’s perfection. A couple bars passed and he opened his eyes, looking at the judges, their faces unreadable in the offset lighting and hidden behind papers. He glanced up at the ceiling. Even in such a small theatre they still had bridges on the ceiling to mess with the lights. HE looked at the door. A belt erupted from his mouth. Perfect. Someone was at the door. Looking at him, leaning against the frame. Why did they keep it open? It didn’t matter, he was doing well anyway. He lowered his voice and blended into the next note. Still looking at the boy in the door, he only just realised it was Kageyama. Kageyama? He thought. He was supposed to be on the upper levels. What was he doing down here? He wondered. Reaching the last measure. Kageyama blushed furiously, quickly looking down at his bag, but he didn’t leave. And that was what struck him. He expected him to leave and be done with it once he heard a bit but he stayed until Shouyou was finished with his song, and the judges were exchanging thank you’s and information, to leave. Only when Shouyou had his bag on his shoulders did Kageyama actually make haste to leave. Did he impress him? Shouyou wondered. Of course he did, he impressed himself, normally he would have had to go into his head voice on that belt but he didn’t, thank god, because it wouldn’t have sounded right if he had. He signed his name on the little form he was given and placed it in a little pile on the makeshift judges table. He did well. And he was going to buy himself a pork bun with his pocket money as a reward.

 

-oOo-

  
  


He woke up in a fit. He had rolled out of his bed and was on the floor. A shaky and sweaty mess. He couldn’t even remember the nightmare. It seemed to have come and gone in a flash that left him a mess in his wake. Shouyou reached for the glass of water on his nightstand, only to sigh in disappointment of finding it to be stone fucking dry. Shouyou shook himself, more then his nerves did and wobbled out of his bedroom. Bedroom was a weird thing to say. He hadn’t ever really had a room to himself. His dad took that away from him, and after he left he couldn’t go in there. Taking up sleep on the couch instead, for almost a couple years too, which was ridiculous when you think about it. And he didn’t have a room when he moved out either. Just some curtains. It was honestly foreign, and just the fact that something as simple as his own space and privacy being foreign, scared him. He stumbled into the kitchen and threw open the fridge. “Oh, you’re up too?” Shouyou nearly shot out of his skin. Jumping a couple inches, his heart rate spiked and his bent over and grasped at his chest.

 

“Jesus fucking christ.” He said in a breath. “Daich, you scared me.” Daichi stood in his plaid pajama pants almost right in front of him. Shouyou took a step back.

 

“I can...see that.” He said. Holding the fridge open.

 

“What are you doing up?” shouyou asked, still feeling his heart in his ears. Daichi shrugged and moved past him to the cabinets to grab a glass, he also pulled out some bread slices.

 

“Eh, just a bit worried. Suga normally spends the night here.” Shouyou thought he had lived here at first. Suga had actually stayed here all the while he was here. “But why are you up?” Daichi asked, pulling out a tub of peanut butter, and some honey. Shouyou filled his glass in the fridge and shut the door, eliminating the only light source they had, he quickly flipped on the switch. Witch sent them both reeling from the brightness.

 

“Nnph. Sorry.” Daichi grabbed a butter knife from a drawer.

 

“No worries. But why are you up?” Shouyou sighed and took a tentative sip from his glass, he was still shaking, haven’t quite woken from his nightmare, though, Daichi did help, in a way. Scaring him half to death.

 

“Bad dream.” He found himself saying.

 

“Yeah?” Daichi asked, slathering peanut butter all over one of the slices. “What about?”

 

“I dunno.” Another sip. Daichi squeezed the honey onto the other slice.

 

“You okay? You’re shaking. I didn’t scare you that much did i?” Shouyou shook his head and watched as Daichi carefully folded the slices onto each other. He was really eating at like two am. After a moment of silence Daichi added. “Was it like, one of those really bad memory dreams?” He approached with a careful tone. Shouyou shrugged and took another sip.

 

“I dunno.”Daichi turned around and stared at him, taking one big bite from his sandwich, that ended up being like half the sandwich. Shouyou had to say he was impressed.

 

“Come on, kid, tell me what’s up.” Shouyou curled in on himself. Daichi gave him a look that said talk to me in every way. 

 

“I’ll get over it. I’m okay.” Daichi was not convinced, he scooted a little closer to Shouyou and raised an eyebrow. Shouyou sighed, setting his water down on the counter top. He hopped up to sit on the tile. Daichi continued to give him that look. “It was only a dream.” Daichi took another bite of his sandwich. They sat in silence for a little bit, Shouyou still trying to calm himself down and drink his water. He repeated his mantra in his head over and over, it had to be five minutes later when Daichi finished his early early morning snack.

 

“Just make sure to tell us if you need anything, k, kid?” Shouyou nodded, Daichi seemed satisfied enough. “Night.”

 

“Night.”

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


_ “Don't you know me Kansas city _

 

_ I'm the New Berlin wall _

 

_ Try and tear me down _

 

_ I was born on the other side _

 

_ Of a town ripped in two _

 

_ I made it over the great devide _

 

_ Now I'm comin' for you” _

  
  
  
  


The tune was from Hedwig and the angry inch. It was Shouyou’s current obsession. Daichi was still out, school, then he said he had some work to get to early at the club. Shouyou was perfectly fine with being alone in the apartment. He didn’t get alone time nearly enough. 

  
  


_ “Enemies and adversaries _

 

_ They try and tear me down _

 

_ You want me baby, I dare you _

 

_ Try and tear me down _

 

_ I rose from off of the doctor's slab _

 

_ Like Lazarus from the pit _

 

_ Now everyone wants to take a stab _

 

_ And decorate me with blood graffiti and spit _

 

_ Enemies and adversaries _

 

_ They try and tear me down _

 

_ You want me baby, I dare you _

 

_ Try and tear me down” _

  
  
  
  
  


Shouyou sang along to the tune. Boching the english words to hell but hitting the notes well. He had basically stripped when he had gotten home, donning some black boxers and a white T shirt. 

  
  


_ “On August 13th, 1961 _

 

_ A wall was erected _

 

_ Down the middle of the city of Berlin _

 

_ The world was divided by a cold war _

 

_ And the Berlin wall _

 

_ Was the most hated symbol of that divide _

 

_ Reviled, graffitied, spit upon _

 

_ We thought the wall would stand forever _

 

_ And now that it's gone _

 

_ We don't know who we are anymore _

 

_ Ladies and gentlemen _

 

_ Hedwig is like that wall _

 

_ Standing before you in the divide _

 

_ Between east and west _

 

_ Slavery and freedom _

 

_ Man and woman, top and bottom _

 

_ And you can try and tear her down _

 

_ But before you do _

 

_ You must remember one thing _ _ ” _

  
  


He had it playing as loudly as he could on his laptop. Sitting on the kitchen counter. HE decided to clean a bit. There were some dishes, Daichi would appreciate him cleaning them. He had gotten the email that morning. He would get the solo part in the song. It had thrilled him. Made his entire day had been a hum of ‘fuck yes!’ And kenma had noticed. Kuroo had teased him relentlessly when they went out for lunch. Shouyou could honestly care less. He got the part he wanted, nothing could put a damper on that.

 

“ _ Hey, there ain't much of a difference _

 

_ Between a bridge and a wall _

 

_ Without me right in the middle, babe _

 

_ You would be nothin' at all _

 

_ Enemies and adversaries _

 

_ They try and tear me down _

 

_ You want me baby, I dare you _

 

_ Try and tear me down” _

  
  
  


As he reached the last couple dishes, he shimmied his feets around on the slippery floor polished floor. He swung his head to each side dramatically, to the beat of the drums. He held up the sponge wand in front of his face, spreading his legs apart. He held onto the side of the counter, he got louder, belting into the soapy wand. 

 

_ “ _ _ Enemies and adversaries _

 

_ They try and tear me down _

 

_ You want me baby, I dare you _

 

_ Try and tear me down” _

  
  


The dishes long forgotten he slid across the floor, twirling a long to the ending verse. He ran a hand down his face, in a dramatic show. Thrashing his head around to the tune he sang into the wand with a bright smile. The music got louder, and he stretched his leg out on the polished floor, he steadied himself with his free hand and arched his back as he sang the last part.

  
  


_ “From east Berlin to junction city _

 

_ Hello New York hello Missouri _

 

_ What you try and tear me down? _

 

_ Come on and tear, come on and tear me down” _

  
  


“Um, Hinata?” Shouyou whipped around. Although since he was only supported by a shaky knee and elbow, this didn’t turn out the graceful way he meant it. Tumbling to the floor with a loud shriek. Shouyou hit his head on the handle of the cupboard while falling, and subsequently laid on the floor cradling his bruised head. He groaned. Suga and Kageyama were standing in the doorway when he had fallen. Oh god was this embarrassing. “Oh fuh! Hinata, are you okay?” Suga rushed over bending down over him. Shouyou blushed. Kageyama saw him, and if he knew why that bothered him more than Suga being there, he’d probably in a very different stage in his life right now. Suga helped him off of the floor, picking him up by the elbow. Shouyou wobbled for a second before centering himself, still gripping the back of his head.

 

“Um, i’m fine..” He trailed off, looking away with wide eyes. Kageyama was just staring at him.

 

“You need any ice?” Suga said, obviously trying to contain a laugh. Shouyou shook his head. And that’ when Suga decided to let the laugh out completely. Snorting and sputtering as he still held a hand on Shouyou’s arm. Shouyou didn’t realize his face could get this hot. “D- Did you have a nice trip?” Shouyou briefly heard Kageyama groan.

 

“OH, god.” Kageyama murmured behind his hand.

 

“Suga,” Shouyou whined, “why do you have to make fun of me.”

 

“You brought this on yourself, drama queen.” Shouyou winced, and glanced towards Kageyama that seemed to be hiding a laugh. “So, Rockstar, want to head to the club with us? I promise we won’t ‘tear you down’”

 

“Please stop.” Shouyou murmured.

 

“But that wouldn’t be any fun then. Anyways, you want to come?” Shouyou contemplated. He sighed. He would go. If only it meant that they would forget about his show. He nodded.

 

“Great, now you go get some pants on my little thespian!”

  
  
  


-oOo-

  
  


The police had showed up sometime after Daichi left. Himself and Kageyama watched awkwardly from a bar stool. They had caught a glimpse of the encounter. And after the cops showed up, Suga rushed over to them briefly to tell them that it would probably take a while and that if they wanted to go home they could. Shouyou didn’t really have any fun before that.  What, with Kageyama being his broody self, even more so since their encounter that day. Shouyou didn’t know how to get back by himself. That was a problem. When Suga went back to converse with the police and make some calls to Daichi and the likes, Shouyou was left with a worried feeling in his gut. Did Kageyama know how to get there? Would he mind showing him. Come to think of it, Shouyou hadn’t memorized the address…. He fidgeted slightly before letting go of his twining hands, and letting them hang at his sides, although he grabbed at his phone out of habit. “Do you happen to know how to get back to the apartment?” Shouyou asked, tentatively looking up at Kageyama. The taller boy scrunched his eyebrows and pulled out his phone. Shouyou put on an awkward smile. Was he being ignored? He briefly thought.

 

“Do you seriously not remember it?” Kageyama said, accusingly.

 

“I’ve only been here a week, it’s not like i would remember it anyways.” Kageyama scoffed and tapped away at his phone. What was his problem?

 

“Dumbass.” Shouyou was about to object to being called that, but Kageyama put his phone away. “Let’s go.” Shouyou stopped himself, clamping his mouth shut.

 

“To the apartment?” Shouyou asked, having to sprint slightly to keep up with him.

 

“Where else would we be going?” Shouyou didn’t like his tone. Contrary to what Kageyama thought, he was not an idiot. Or, ‘dumbass’.

 

“Well who would just go with a random stranger to a random place?” Kageyama stopped in his walk. Right at the door. He looked down at Shouyou and raised an eyebrow.

 

“That’s your job.” He didn’t say it with any disgust. Shouyou blushed. He didn’t know why he felt the sudden urge to set himself on fire, but he attributed it with rage. He didn’t go to a random place. He was careful. Maybe being taken in a car wasn’t the best place to earn his money but it wasn’t like he was going to follow - he couldn’t argue against himself for christ sake. He grunted and crossed his arms. Acting dejected all the way to the curb. In the distance he could hear the racing of cars. It was weird walking down this street with someone and not planning on having sex with them. He always thought this street was quite red. Red lights, red buildings, red flowers, red signs, red cars -the sport cars- They always seemed to drive down here. It was a four lane street and kind of -if he was being honest- a bit out of the way for a bar. It was downtown, but just barely. More towards the industrial side of town if you were to look at a map. But it was still hopping. Maybe it was all of the chain restaurants and odd thrift stores that seemed to attract just the right company. Maybe it was also the lights. They were everywhere, even in summer it still felt like christmas. Maybe that’s why Shouyou decided to come here at first. Nothing ever bad could happen on christmas. It was only two year ago, he had cried that night. His mom was getting sicker. The worst she had ever gotten, his sister needed new clothes because she was sprouting like a rocketpop. He hadn’t been able to get a job after his dad left. His face being spread all over their tiny little town, the only news they ever got and it had to be him. No one would hire the broken kid. But the passerby’s wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to fuck a pretty little thing from a podunk town after a long day on the road. Most of his clients that year were truck drivers if he were to really think hard about it. He got scammed and left in alleyways more times than he cared to admit. Had to clean blood from his underwear more times then he wanted to think about that first year Accepting any offer didn’t go well. And his mom almost caught on several times before he was able to leave. He was just glad his mom was doing well enough again. She started working from home. Getting enough money for the assistant to come by and help her out with all her medical gadgets and gizmo’s help clean a little bit. Shouyou paid for the house, which almost sucked him dry every month. And he had t make sure Natsu got the stuff she needed to be the happiest kid ever. He could do with a little bit of an update. Most of his jeans having tiny holes in them. If he compared himself to Kageyama he did look a bit scraggly. He never really paid attention to his looks more than, how much skin he should show in the winter. Kageyama waited for the light. It was still too hot, even at night. 

 

They didn’t do much talking the entire way there, just mandatory conversation till they got to the apartment. He didn’t mean for it to be such a hassle, but he was gonna get lost otherwise. He had gotten the key Suga had, so at least he could get in. “Thank you for walking me here.” He said, trying to be bright. But all that silence made him feel uneasy. He didn’t know what to say. 

 

“I’ll just take a bus back.” Kageyama shrugged with his hands in his sweater pockets. How he was wearing that, Shouyou could not tell. He ran hot. Kageyama seemed to run cold.

 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to bring you so far out of the way. Um.. Maybe you could wait till Suga gets back, i’m sure he’ll be here soon.” He suggested, holding the entry door open for him.

 

“The bus is faster.” Shouyou didn’t want to say that it upset him. He smiled again, trying to push it to his eyes. 

 

“Oh, okay!  Well i’ll.. I’ll see you later then? Thank you again for walking me back to Suga’s.”

 

“It’s your home. But yeah, your welcome.” It felt weird. His home. He didn’t even considered his last place a home. He didn’t consider the house his mom and sister lived in as a home. Things were changing really fast. Too fast. It made his stomach turn over, he was almost sad, even though it had all been for the best. He didn’t always adjust to well. “But, bye.”

 

“Bye bye.”

  
  
  


-oOo-

  
  


“Hello mom!” He spoke into the receiver. He was in his room. School work abandoned when he picked up the phone. Papers and folders, music sheets and laptop sprawled the expanse of the white comforter. He lay against his pillow, orange hair a mess around his jacket. Fans whirring in the background of the call. A busy saturday morning.

 

“Hello Carrot top!” His mother chimed through his phone. She sounded nice. Voice like cream and butter pancakes. “I was just wanting to call you to see how you are doing. You hardly ever call me anymore! I swear, your sister knows more about what’s happening to you then your own mother!” Shouyou chuckled. His sister always texted him with new stories, jokes, thoughts. And he in return.

 

“I’ll try to call you more mom. I’ve been busy. OH! I moved into a new place, by the way.”

 

“OH, that’s great shouyou. I didn’t think you liked your last place that well. Is it someone you know? Do you like it now?” Shouyou hummed and rolled over in his bed onto his elbows.

 

“It was a bit crowded. But you don’t have to worry about me i like him. Oh… and, well - mom, i don’t think i’m going to be able to pay the house for you this month. I kind of, lost one of my jobs. But i can send a little bit down for some food and-”

 

“Carrot top, you worry too much. Besides, i can make it own my own for a month. Business has been doing really well. Maybe you won’t have to pay for the house much longer..” His mother trailed off, sounding wistful. She shook it off with a huffy laugh.

 

“Sorry mom. I’ll make sure to make it up to you. I gotta go. But i’ll call you back later. I love you, mom.”

  
“Love you carrot top. Call your sister for me. She misses you. Bye sweetie!” The phone clicked and he hung up. Shouyou put his arm over his face. At least she would be able to make it this month. He really needed to get a job, a real one, with benefits and the like. His current situation hardly paid more than food expenses. Everything was moving so fast. It was weird not going out at night to catch a few. Nightmares were an every night occurrence. They had gotten wrong. And it was starting make him feel the effects all day. What did he expect? He had never been good at change, maybe that was why he had never really gotten a job. Never really got all of his things from his mom's house, even if he was scared to go back, he wanted to be there. Guess he would just have to force himself to adjust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know if anyone else calls a small couch a love seat but that's what my family says, we also alternate between fizzy drink and Soda. it depends on whether i'm with my dad or if i'm with my mom, it's weird. language is weird. the song is tear me down from hedwig and the angry inch.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i don't know if you could tell, but this chapter marks the end of two weeks in the story. so that's how i'm formatting it, about every seven chapters is a week. six to eight. And also sorry for not updating more often, i would, but my groove for writing this story has not come back to me. also it didn't help that i am absolute shit at writing Kageyama. But nag me on getting three out next week for the next three weeks before school starts, because after that it could be anywhere from once a week to every other week. not to mention i will go on hiatus in the month of November to to NaNoWriMo like i did last year. i don't know if that will also be a fic or if it will be something else. i will let everyone know. and also this fic has to share priority with my other fic i started before this that i haven't updated all summer. And also this fic will go on probably a two month hiatus after ACT I and then come back on again for ACT II. but i'm hoping you will like it. i have a lot of story planned out. i'm honestly pretty sure my draft took me longer to write then this story has. anyways enjoy! and sorry this is shorter then recent chapters. i don't know how i pumped out that much.

"H’lo?” Tobio groaned. For that morning his phone had rudely awakened him. It was hard to cover up the exhaust in his voice.

“Oh, Tobio? Oh, dear, i’m sorry if i woke you! I am just here at my house cooking breakfast. This is your mom dear, i was wondering if you would like to meet up again soon? I’m pretty busy this week, but maybe next week… Monday, perhaps?....Sweetie?” He could barely process the information. Mostly what he got was that she was trying to hard to be his mom again. He had time to meet her. She wanted to talk and he didn’t have anything against it, he was hoping she would call again. As much as he resented her abandoning them, he loved his mom. And he could remember that adoration from when he was a kid, and she seemed...the same, as that time.

“Yeah, sure.” There was a silence on the phone where he assumed his mom to be smiling.

“Oh, great! I can’t wait…. And Tobio? Thank you for giving me a second chance.”

“Mhm”

“Bye bye, Sweetie.”

“Goodbye.”

  
-oOo-

  
He walked away from the music room with a slight blush. And that was strange, and not fun. Hinata had more talent than he expected, and that made him feel, bad? Or did it? Or did he just like his voice - he could reach really high, and he could hardly sign at all, and no guy he knew could sign that high, but then again no guy he knew could really sign. Well except Akaashi, but he didn’t really know him too well, and it was all by hear say. He rounded the corner to the temporary classroom, lugging his overstuffed shoulder bag through the door and finding a seat. Akaashi and Hinata probably had at least one class together.

The classroom barely fit everyone in, someone had actually ended up sitting on the floor. That someone may have been him. He got out his notepad, binder setting them all up neatly on the floor. What were music classes like? Probably louder. Oikawa’s classes seemed louder, they had to accommodate him wouldn’t they? Tobio looked at his piece, it was just one of those quick sketch assignments they did over and over and over again. It wasn’t anything special, he wasn’t really motivated lately, he usually was. Tobio sighed at the drawing. It was a tree. A face was formed by the leaves and the branches were hands. It was..stupid. He thought. He had been drawing since he could hold a crayon. He had countless sketchbooks filled and even more that weren’t partially because he didn’t want to ruin them. So he filled up the cheap ones and stared longingly at the expensive ones hoping that his art would be good enough to fill them. He must have drifted off somewhere along the lesson because people were leaving the room. Tobio picked up his things himself. Shrugging off his daydream fuzz.

  
-oOo-

  
It was getting slow in the cafe. It was orange lighting now, coming through the large window in the front. They hung around the counter as they only had two customers at the moment. Oikawa was chatting about what he was doing in his classes, he was planning his senior project. And was currently in something, Tobio hadn’t paid enough attention to his rambling to catch what it was exactly. He looked up from his phone at Akaashi. “Do you know a Hinata Shouyou?” He asked suddenly. Akaashi stared at him for a moment.

“Mm. I think yeah, we had a class together last year. I think i’ve seen him around this year. Why?” Tobio shrugged and went back to his phone.

“He’s living with Daichi now.” he fiddled with his screen, not really knowing what to do but swipe back and forth between screens.  
  
“Daichi took in a stray?” Oikawa loudly laughed from the other side of the counter.

“Oh, so it’s Hinata then?” Tobio hummed a yes.

“Hinata Shouyou right?” Oikawa asked, tapping away at his phone. Tobio nodded. “OH! I think i’ve seen him. He’s adorable, so small.” Akaashi raised an eyebrow at Oikawa.

“What are you looking at?”

“His facebook.” Oikawa answered matter a factly. “MM but it’s all hidde. I can only see his profile.”

“I guess he’s lucky you can’t stalk him then.” Akaashi sighed, and moved over to the side of the counter. “Can i help you?” He trailed off, ducking under the counter and walking to a threesome of people that had walked in.

“You friends with him yet then?” Tobio stared at him. Not really, they had texted a bit, met each other a couple times. “I sent him a friend request.”

“Okay.”

“Soo talkative.” Oikawa teased and pocketed his phone. Tobio grunted and glared at his phone. He needed to switch shifts.

  
-oOo-

  
Tobio wasn’t stupid, he may be oblivious to things, not the sharpest tool in the shed, but Tobio was not stupid, and he was sure as hell not blind. Suga was not okay. And for some reason no one seemed to care about it. He needed help, because something was really wrong. It had taken him nearly fifteen minutes from Suga’s car to get back to his apartment. Which was quite the walk considering Suga was aiming for his apartment. He didn’t know too much about Suga’s relationship. Just a little pieces of broken or basic information form Daichi or Oikawa. Mostly Oikawa. But was really no one noticing his behavior? He looked like he barely took care of himself.

Tobio dropped his stuff in the little bin by the door. Stripping casually as he walked through the house. Tsukishima was not here, to enamored with his boyfriend to actually come back to the apartment. And Tobio was enjoying himself with all willingness to admit it too. He plopped himself down on the couch, and took out his phone.

Suga) I’m sorry that i couldn’t drive you home. Please don’t worry about me, must have been something i ate :P. But i am really sorry i couldn’t give you a better ride. Have a goodnight Kageyama!

He sighed and replied…

KAgeyama) It’s fine.

He scrolled to the next text on his phone.

The worst) TOBIO! You have to befriend Daichi’s new housemate. He is so short and small and cute and you need that in your boring life. YOU NEED IT. D:<. becuase i got the a okei on the friend thing he chatted me and now we are like best friends. So get your ass on it!!! <3

Tobio groaned and deleted the message. He didn’t need to accidentally see that mess again. He could just sleep on the couch. Yeah. he could just sleep on the couch.

  
-oOo-

  
Hinata was strange. He could not predict what this kid was going to do at any moment of time, and it threw him off. To be fair a lot of people threw him off and he just ended up hating them. Like Oikawa. But he didn’t hate Hinata and that confused him even more. Like there were moments where he totally hated Hinata, but other times where he found himself smiling. It was weird. Then there was having the knowledge of Hinata’s type of work. He wasn’t against sex work, but he never met a sex worker before. He wasn’t expecting this. And it didn’t seem safe to him, and honestly he kind of got a little scared about seeing Hinata with another black eye and limp. Speaking of which his ankle was still totally not healed. He was limping and whimpering when he stepped on it wrong and yet nobody was telling him to sit the fuck down and let it heal. He still had some bruises too. A right mess. It occurred to him that he hadn’t actually seen the kid without bruises, so he was looking forward to seeing him without them….looking forward? Anyways, the point of his train of thinking was that he was a little upset that Hinata wasn’t talking on the way back. He didn’t do anything wrong so he didn’t deserve to have to listen to silence and drunks on the side of the road. The least Hinata could do was to let Tobio put on his headphones, or you know, sing, maybe? Instead of being the silent pout which he had no reason to be.

They reached Hinata’s apartment and Tobio stood a little awkwardly behind Hinata while he was opening it up. “Thank you for walking me here.” Hinata said from the door. Tobio nodded and tried to give a small acknowledging smile. He didn’t mind, but he had to get back now, he hated buses but they weren’t the worst and his legs were kind of tired, to be honest he was just really tired in general.

“I’ll just take a bus back.” He thought outloud.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to bring you so far out of the way. Um.. Maybe you could wait till Suga gets back, i’m sure he’ll be here soon.” Tobio hummed to himself. He would just get home later. And he didn’t want to be around Hinata who was really quiet and seemed mad. He would just go home, leave Hinata to keep on doing what he was doing before he went to the club.

“The bus is faster.” He mumbled out a ‘thanks anyway’ but he wasn’t sure Hinata had heard.

“Oh, okay! Well i’ll.. I’ll see you later then? Thank you again for walking me back to Suga’s.” He sound kind of dissapointed. Tobio shrugged it off and nodded. Waving his hand a little. Keeping eye contact. It wasn’t just Suga’s, he thought suddenly. It was Hinata’s home too.

“It’s your home. But yeah, you’re welcome.” He rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly feeling self conscious. He just wanted to leave before this got any more weird. “But… Bye.”

“Bye bye” Tobio scurried away like he had just been burned. He’d just push this weird night away and deal with it later.

  
-oOo-

  
When Tobio was young, his mom had left. It was after an appointment with the doctor, saying his dad had early onset alzheimer's. It had been a big shock to the whole family. The week after consisted of his parents not leaving their rooms, and Tobio getting himself and his sister ready for school. The teachers asked about their disheveled appearances but they brushed it off. They weren’t the best with buttons. Tobio looked way better then his sister did on that note. Then one morning Tobio woke up to the slam of a door. He had wobbled down the stairs to see what had happened and found a note. The only thing she had left behind. She had taken all of the pictures of herself too. He could understand now that she wanted his dad to forget about her completely.

After his mom left it was only his sister and him and his dad. His dad was great for an entire year it was only small mishaps. And then a little while after christmas, he drove himself the next town over and had a breakdown. He didn’t know where he was. Tobio and his sister were taken to the hospital with his grandma and grandpa. Who were informed that his dad would need round the clock care. His grandparents were rich enough to provide that. So they had a nanny for a couple year. Well nanny and nurse. Then Tobio hit his second year in highschool and took up the role that his grandparents couldn’t afford anymore. It was a lot harder than he thought. He worked a little bit but couldn’t hold a job. He wasn’t the best with customers. But his grandparents paid for the house, he paid for the food.

Tobio had noticed the drugs his sister was taking. Had noticed the bad guys. The depression. He didn’t know what to do. There was so much he had to do already that he could only offer his moral support and his hugs when she couldn’t get to sleep. And in her last couple months he had thought she was happy. He had thought she had recovered. But he found her with the needle in her arm and the drugs on the floor of their bathroom. Dead. and that had been his breaking point. He had wandered around town for two days not doing anything but staying in shops with the money in his wallet. And that’s when he met Suga.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AKaashi's pov

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH GORSH. this was supposed to be up tuesday but i was busy. so here it is today. might get two out might get one might get none. who knows?? but i will aim for two. have fun. also this is around the 2 to 8th of may roughly. i just want to tell you how much time is passing.

 

As much as his parents were religious, Akaashi KEiji never felt the need to conform into a specific gender. His parents were gone, a lot of the time. Mission work mostly, they were that type. And he watched and heard the stories of the high expectation business parents and didn’t fit or see that, but he felt the feeling. And he watched heard the stories of the laid back hippie parents, with a sense for god and a love of the natural ways, and he didn’t fit or see that either, and it left him feeling quite alone as a kid. His mom and dad took him to church every Sunday. Dressed him up in his best dress, his mother braided his hair. He didn’t mind it. The dress was very much pretty, and he liked to feel pretty, but it was the way people responded him to being pretty that he didn’t like. His church was more of the driving force for his dysphoria. Keiji remembers leaving the church when he was fifteen. It was a weird feeling, he felt free. The next morning he grabbed all the church clothes he had put them in a pile and shredded them. HE remembers feeling an overwhelming wave of anger and resentment for this religion he had spent his whole life learning to force himself to love. He felt like he wasted his childhood on bible studies and 100% well done grades. HE was beyond done with it. Beyond done with his mom calling him by the most ugly name he had ever heard, and he was done having to learn how to sew and knit with his grandma on Saturdays. And he was done not having any friends. After he had shredded the clothes he had stripped down in front of the mirror. Looking at his slow developing breasts and feeling sick. The church had said his body was sinful and he felt that.

 

He would go to school before anyone else would get their and change in locker rooms before volleyball practice. Often times it was much much to early and he would be able to get schoolwork done. He had entered the school as a boy, his parents didn’t know but he had everyone fooled. Something about that made him feel so naughty. And he had never felt that, before he always felt idle in himself, just watching. But now he felt like he had control. HE bound with an Ace bandage. Before that he used saran wrap. Looking back he could get nervous, that was so unsafe. The only time his parents found out about his change of identity was when he had been dragged to the nurse because he had gotten so dizzy from the binder that he fell flat on his ass, half out of it. That conversation was one that had still fucked him up. They supported him, but they did not get it, at all. And he was left to go through all of his things that were even slightly girly and throw them out in an effort to prove that he was a boy. He was left to wear his dad's discarded clothes for an entire year before they got him some clothes that suited him. 

 

Five years later and he was still holding parts of his childhood teachings with him. Suga was the only to know that he was trans at his work. Kuroo, Kenma, Bokuto, and Yuuji knew of course. But it was weird, he saw his coworkers everyday and he even saw them outside of work sometimes, since they had a very intermingled circle and yet they didn’t know such a big part of him. IT was honestly terrifying. Bokuto and Kuroo’s reaction to finding out he was trans were great, Kenma was as well, and Yuuji didn’t mind at all. It didn’t matter to them and that was so strange to him. 

 

He found himself in Bokuto’s apartment that day. It was Monday, Bokuto had picked him up from work and insisted that Keiji spend the nigt at his place this time. Which was also strange, because Bokuto hated having his little bubble being intruded on. It had gotten so bad one time that he didn’t allow people to sit down in the room, Kuroo had sa on his bed and Bokuto ended up saying up all night recleaning his entire room. Though Keiji supposed this was him trying to get better about it. Bokuto’s OCD in high school wasn’t about germs. That might sound weird to other people, but it really wasn’t. It was only when he moved out that he became extremely obsessed with things being 100% clean 100% of the time. Because before he moved out, Keiji had a hard time going outside with him. He had to step on all the cracks in the sidewalk. And fall was the worst, BOkuto obsessively crushing fallen leaves. He would have to flip on and off the lightswitch -which, he ended up having a breakdown about because he was all too afraid of starting a fire over it, which is something his dad had told him, and he couldn’t stop himself. In the locker rooms. SOmeone eventually had to physically remove him from the switch.- To this day they had to avoid fire alarms, wether it was a tic or a compulsion Keiji didn’t know but he had told him that he really wanted to pull it and was scared that he would if he was near one. But he was glad he was invited over. Kuroo kept the place spotless, probably because of Bokuto. Keiji rested against Bokuto’s side, sprawling his legs across the expanse of the couch. Kuroo sat in a lounge chair next to the couch. They all held their cards with intensity. Kuroo looked up at him and gave a toothy grin. KEiji was pretty sure his teeth sparkled it was so devious. Keiji darkened his expression. Hiding under his cards. “Akaashi, do you have any kings?” Keiji cursed under his breath, he in fact had two kings. He grumbled out a reply before spitefully throwing them onto the far end of the table, away from Kuroo. “I’m offended by your boyfriend's behavior Kou.” Bokuto put on a proud smile, before looking down at his own cards. It was strange seeing him at his own house, he ticced much less, and his medication seemed to actually work. He wondered why. “Ha. So since i was so smart and knew Akaashi would have kings, i get to ask for more. And i’m going to ask Kou. Kou?”

 

“Hmm? Yeah?” Bokuto looked up, staring him dead in the eye, completely confident.

 

“Do YOU have any kings?” Bokuto’s smile brightened.

 

“Nope.” He put extra effort into pronouncing the ‘p’ at the end. It made Keiji laugh slightly at Kuroo’s misfortune. “mY TURN!” He hummed, thumbing through his cards gently. He ticced his chest hit tic and swung out his arm, careful not to hit the lamp next to him. “OKay okay OKAY then, Akaashi!”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Do you have any Spades?” Keiji beamed. He did not have any Spades!

 

“Go fish!”

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


“*squibs are awful pffffPFFFFFFT*” Keiji watched his boyfriend fondly moving around the kitchen making breakfast, pancakes. Keiji loved it when Bokuto made him breakfast. “*SCrabble* two?” he said with two fingers up.

“Yes, please.” Keiji said, his eyes still glazed with sleep. “Do you have another interview today?” Bokuto’s shoulders tensed. So it was a yes then. It must be frustrating. He would have to find him a place to work that would accept him. Or find him a lawyer, he didn’t think half of the shit Bokuto dealt with was legal. Bokuto nodded, quickly replacing his hold on the frying pan with his right and pounding his chest with the left. “What time?”

 

“Right after my classes.” Keiji heard the pout in his voice. Kuroo would be at their apartment most likely. But Bokuto would have to be with someone, he couldn’t take care of himself when he was dejected, he couldn’t just stay in his current health when he was dejected either. And although he had been doing better, Keiji knew it was getting harder for him lately.

 

“Do you want to come over after?” He asked a little timid. He picked at the skin beneath his nails. Bokuto placed two pancakes on a plate, and another two on a second plate. His shoulders were tight and high. “My shift is early so i would be back not to long after.” Bokuto brought the plates to the table, and awkwardly rubbed his finger on the top of the counter. “You could come to the cafe?” Bokuto’s lip trembled and his eyes went wet. He pounded on his chest with his free hand, and threw it out to the side popping his elbow. “K-kuroo, is he gonna be here?”

 

“You don’t trust me, do you?” Keiji blinked. He stuttered for a second before pulling his arms in.

 

“I just don’t want you to hurt yourself again.” he practically whispered. IT was difficult, he trusted that Bokuto wouldn’t do anything to anyone else, but he didn’t trust Bokuto to take care of himself. Kuroo did, Keiji thought that was a mistake. After all they saw Bokuto do in high school he didn’t understand how people could just sit and wait for something to happen. And it was getting worse again, he couldn’t handle that. There was far less nights out that Bokuto would drag him along to. Far less loudness. The silence was constricting him and he knew that he wasn’t okay but nobody else seemed to be doing anything. And he didn’t know how to fix it. “So, do you want to come over then?” Bokuto’s finger stopped, he dropped his arms to his side.

 

“I’m not going to do that Akaashi.” Bokuto took a breath in through his nose. “Can’t you just let me do this?”

 

“I’ll go get the syrup.”

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


“We are a lot alike.” Suga said, softly as they watched the shop from the counter.

 

“What?” 

 

“We are a lot alike.” Suga paused. Keiji turned towards him blankly. “I mean like, you always worry for other people. And like we may do it differently but, we kind of are alike in that way, you know?” Keiji shrugged. “Is something wrong?”

 

“Bokuto hasn’t shown up, i don’t know if Kuroo’s home.” Suga leaned his back against the counter. The door chimed with bells.

 

“HE can take care of himself, you know. He’s not a kid.”

 

“He acts like one.” Keiji snapped. He heard Suga sigh.

 

“Look, i know it’s non of my business: but i think you need to be told to step off. Sure, he’s having a rough time right now, but it will get better. He can take care of himself, he may slip up, but you’re slipping up too. I mean, have you looked at yourself? It looks like you haven’t slept in ages.”

 

“That’s not my fault. Bokuto purposefully hurts himself.”

 

“People could say the same thing about you Keiji. Let him help himself for once.” A customer was smiling at them both from a counter over. Keiji roughly adjusted his apron. Tried to wipe the furrowed frown off his face.

 

“I’m gonna go take care of this.” Suga nodded. KEiji ducked under the counter. Sure he looked a little tired, it was a new year. Of course he’d be a little tired. It wasn’t awful. It wasn’t like he wasn’t sleeping. He got five hours. Sometimes seven, sometimes three….sometimes none. But that was different, he was trying things to help himself. Bokuto couldn’t do that, from everything Keiji saw, Bokuto couldn’t do that. HE needed help, why couldn’t people just let him help?

 

-oOo-

  
  


“Hello, Bokuto.” it was thursday morning and there wasn’t even a single text from his boyfriend. Kuroo had assured him he was okay but Keiji didn’t trust that.

 

“Akaashi! Akaashi! I did it! Akaashi *nenenee* i got the job. I got the job!” Keiji almost dropped the phone. A huge smile spread across his face.

 

“You- You got it? YOU GOT IT!” Bokuto let out a loud whoop on the other side of the phone. Keiji could barely contain himself, he was bouncing for joy.

 

“YEAH. i start monday. I’m so awesome, this is so awesome!”

 

“You did it! I knew you could! I KNEW IT! Hang on i’m coming over. I’m buying you breakfast.”

 

“KUROO DID YOU HEAR THAT? AKAASHI IS BUYING ME BREAKFAST. Where should i meet you?” Keiji grabbed his bag off of the hook and rushed out the door.

 

“Campus. See you in twenty.”

 

“Okay, I love you Akaashi!”

 

“Love you too, Bokuto. Get Kuroo to drive you.”

 

“Got KUROO-” Keiji hung up the phone and practically ran to the bus. He was going to have to do a lot. He was excited. He was excited, Bokuto was excited, he was excited that this was happening and that it hadn’t happened for four years and it was actually happening. Keiji’s heart sang with pride for Bokuto.

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


Keiji rushed towards Bokuto, arms wide open. Bokuto threw himself into Keiji. He wobbled slightly, going side to side in one of biggest hugs Keji had received from Bokuto. “I’m so proud of you.” He said against his boyfriend's shoulder. Kuroo was standing several feet away, he was grinning almost as wide as Bokuto was.  “I’m so happy for you.” He only just noticed the little choked sob Bokuto let out. “You are awesome. You’re going to be the best- what are you going to do?”

 

“Cashier.” He choked.

 

“You are going to be the best Cashier ever.” Bokuto laughed. Keiji clung onto his thin shirt. Breathing in the ever present scent of laundry detergent and lysol. “You coming over tonight?” Bokuto nodded. “I can show you some other things you’re the best at.” Keiji said, making his lips brush against Bokuto’s neck.

 

“Oh my god” they both let go of their hug. Keiji smirked at him, looking up under his lashes. “Akaashi.”

 

“Yes? Bokuto?” His boyfriend laughed and grabbed hold of his hand. Smiling down at him.

 

“You just keep making my day better and better.” Keiji blushed. And scooted so they were shoulder to shoulder.

 

“Well, time to make it the best. Let’s go get you some breakfast.”

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


“So you really think that little of me?” Bokuto posed the question with his coat in his hand and tears streaming down his face. “I thought at least my boyfriend would think i could take care of myself. I meen, i practically raised myself for eighteen years.” He clawed at his hair.

 

“I don’t mean it like that. Bokuto listen to me. You can do so much. And i know-”

 

“You don’t! Akaashi you don’t. You think i need a babysitter, i’m graduating this year. I can take care of myself, I haven’t done that since the beginning of this year.” He threw his arms out, eyes desperate. Keiji held himself on the couch. He couldn’t even remember how this fight started. He just knew that they had somehow moved from the bedroom to the living room. 

 

“But you have! Bokuto you have, Kuroo told me you did and i saw it last night. I know. I KNOW! So why can’t you just let me help you?!” Bokuto took a step back. KEiji pulled himself back, gritting his teeth. Trying to keep himself from crying.  Bokuto breathed through his nose. Stilling all his twitches. 

 

“You know, at some point Akaashi, you’re going to have to let me help myself for once. Bye.” The door opened and closed, there wasn’t a slam. There wasn’t anything. And suddenly his world went to quiet. There was no loud call of his name, he was all alone to deal with this himself. There weren't any distractions anymore.

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


Yuuji had come home that friday worried. He had gotten a messege from their mutual friend saying that Keiji hadn’t shown up for any of his classes. He was laying on the couch in nothing but his boxers and one of the shirts Bokuto had left a while ago. He was being pathetic he knew it. He had slept through the entire day, and cried the rest. His eyes probably looked like they had been painted red when Yuuji saw him. Yuuji had gotten him a glass of water and blanket since he knew Keiji hated being seen without his binder, which he just didn’t have the energy to struggle on today. Yuuji had made him call in sick. Yuuji sat next to him. “Just wait till tomorrow, you can see him tomorrow and talk things out. It’ll be okay.” Keiji shook his head. It wouldn’t, he had used Bokuto. He had figured out what he loved to distract him from being sad, he didn’t trust him, he didn’t let him do his own fighting, and even though he knew that he wasn’t sure he would be able to let that side of himself go. He couldn’t stop helping him. “Why do you say that?”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He choked out. “Can i just. Can we please-” He stopped, he didn’t know what he wanted. “I just want to go to sleep.”

 

“You’ve been sleeping all day and it’s only five thirty.” Keiji stood up with the blanket falling off his shoulders like a cape.

 

“I just want to go to bed.”

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


Sugawara) Hey, how are you doing? Yuuji said you were pretty broken up.

 

Keiji) I’m awful.

 

Sugawara) You are not awful, the whole reason this happened is because you were too good.

 

Keiji) thanks.

 

Sugawara) Do you need me to get you anything? I can come over, you can come over. We could go out.

 

Keiji) I ruined everything and you want us to go out.

 

Sugawara) you and Bokuto just have to talk. I don’t think you two could actually be apart for longer then a week to be honest. And Bokuto is seriously broken up over all of this. It’s going to be okay, you just have to talk.

 

Keiji) Do you think that i’m using his problems to distract myself from my own?

 

Sugawara) Yes. You haven’t slept it seems, and Bokuto siad you started to sleep with your binder on when he went over. And instead you’ve been focusing on his problems instead of fixing your own. I’m getting all deep here, but i get it, okay? Now what you need to do is calm down.

 

Keiji) I’ll watch something okay?

 

Sugawara) okay, but text me back.

 

Keiji) okay.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO here it is! i hope you like it. i realized i'm not doing the best at doing Bokuto but that will probably be revised as i keep going. i'm stuck in the angsty mindset that the rest of the guys have.

He had fallen onto the floor with a contented ‘hurrumph’, his bag and coat forgotten in the little box he had designated them to go. He thought it went well this time. It rarely ever went as well as he thought it should go. He would get a call tomorrow morning to find out. “You’re on the floor. Was it a good?” Kuroo said while taking off his shoulder. 

“I think it was.” He found himself saying. Kuroo grinned slyly. Koutarou watched Kuroo looking down on him, hands on his hips.

“Do you want to try one of your thingies?” Kuroo asked. He was okay enough to do it, not the best he could be… no lysoling the floor?

“K.” Kuroo pulled him off the floor. “I’ll go shower.”

“That’s the one you pick?” Kuroo asked. “And you’ll be able to sit on the couch afterwards?”

“Ehhhh if the couch is lysoled.” Kuroo shrugged and walked to wear they kept his things. “My.. blanket is clean right?”

“Literally only you touch it so yes it’s clean. Because you're clean 24/7” Koutarou smiled and hopped into the bathroom. He walked in and took out a sanitary wipe from the container they kept there. He wiped the counter for his towel, and then wiped the counter around the container, and then he wiped the container. He wiped the little step of the trash can and opened it to throw away the wipe with his pinky toe. He placed the towel on the counter. It took him one minute longer then it would have if he didn’t do it. Ever since he got into therapy he started doing that. Timing his rituals. He didn’t want to tell anybody else that since it was kind of embarrassing. He worked hard to resist his rituals. Often ending up holding them in for a good hour before he eventually gave up and had to do it. But he had started counting, to make himself realize just how much time he was wasting. It didn’t make him feel better, and it had turned into a compulsion in it of itself. Recently he has been starting to hide the new compulsions that pop up. His tics he could handle they came and they went and they didn’t bug him more then like a little sibling would, but his ocd had gotten so debilitating for one month that he wouldn’t leave his room and was debating whether or not he would quite. And that’s when he started his therapy again. Well Kuroo called his parents and they made him go to therapy. Without talking to him. Mostly just paying for it. Like they always do. He hummed as he showered and soon enough he was out and ready to do something a little more than just sitting around. He was feeling fidgety and he wanted to do something. He couldn’t go outside but he could do plenty of stuff inside. Kuroo walked out of the kitchen holding a ridiculously large cup of water. “Do you get the call tonight?” 

“Tomorrow.” Koutarou flapped his hands at his sides, he didn’t know what it was but he had a good feeling about this. “Hey, wait. Wait a m- *kkkk kack kack khakis woaw*” Koutarou’s arms laid limp at his sides while his entire upper torso just kind of stopped working while he worked through his vocal tic. He coughed when it was over. “Oxenfree with me?” He said grinning.

“Mm, yeah, k.”

 

-oOo-

As soon as the call ended he rushed out of the his bedroom and into the hall. Kuroo didn’t have to work early today. “KUROO HEY KUROO!” Kuroo opened the door to his room, groggily leaning against the handle. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. “HEy, hey, HEY guess what GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED!!” Kuroo stared blankly and then his eyes went wide and was quickly replaced with a grin. 

“Did you get the job?” He asked. Koutarou jumped into the air punching it with excitement.

“ I DID i got it! ME! BOKUTO KOUTAROU GOT A JOB!” he hooted his tic. “I have to call Akaashi!” Kuroo shook his head and went back into his room. Door open, and sprawled across the mattress. His room was as clean as Koutarou’s. It was one of his own exercises. He dialed in the number and listened to the ring.

 

-oOo-

 

Kissing Akaashi was awesome. But he couldn’t shut up enough to even to that. When his arms started clocking to his sides Koutarou was flipped over. And Akaashi was doing everything he loved about him which pretty much included everything Akaashi could possibly do ever, but he wasn’t feeling it. His tics had left him exhausted throughout the day. He was just so excited that he had tired himself out. And now when he got back after suppressing them they were coming out like crazy. He could hardly hold onto Akaashi as he was kissed. And his vocal tics were far from sexy. It was a shame that he wanted to stop, having already shed his clothes. Akaashi must have noticed because Akaashi’s lips abandoned his skin and was replaced with a hand on his cheek. Koutarou bit the side of his cheek hard, that one was starting to raw his mouth. “Are you okay?” Akaashi asked. Koutarou’s legs twitched and tensed, which made his muscles sore. 

“Actually, can we, can we stop?” Akaashi smiled down at him.

“Of course.” his boyfriend slid off of him and down to his side. “Are you okay though?” Koutarou’s teeth were clenching. He was going to have to get a mouth guard if that one kept happening. 

“Yeah. but i can’t *hoot* stop.” Akaashi lightly ran his fingers over Koutarou’s chest, sending tingles up his spine.

“Okay. would you like to do something? You take your meds?”

“Yeahup. I’m tired though.” his hands were clapping and he was having enough of the noise. It was grating on his ears. Once his hands had stopped the clapping Akaashi was taking one hand into his own. He rubbed his thumbs into his palms.

“Is this okay?” Koutarou nodded, feeling his eyes droop.

“Thank you, Akaashi.” His boyfriend hummed and kissed the hand he had massaged. He did the same to the other one. “You’re the best boyfriend ever.” He hid under his elbow smiling up at him. Akaashi gave a light breathy laugh and kissed his hand again.

“I know.” the comment made him smile a bit more. He turned onto his side, his tics clenching and huffing his body into an aching knot. Akaashi pulled him against his chest. His bare chest to, which is something Akaashi barely ever felt comfortable with, and it made Koutarou happy that Akaashi could feel comfortable around him. Akaashi sighed and trailed his fingers around his back. He pressed a kiss to Koutarou’s lips. “Remember when you started to tic my name? And you got so embarrassed you left in the middle of practice? Are you still embarrassed about it?” He wasn’t embarrassed about it, it was like all of his other tics. He barely noticed it unless it was interfering with something. Like kissing his boyfriend. But it was basically harmless like his hoots.

“No.” he said lightly, and hugged onto Akaashi.

“Is… is it bad that i like it? That i think its cute?” Koutarou was a little surprised, he would have thought Akaashi would have been embarrassed of it. But he kind of liked that Akashi liked it. Hardly anyone ever liked his tics and if he had one that someone enjoyed that made him feel happy.

“You think it’s cute?”

“Yeah.” Koutarou smiled, his boyfriend found his tics cute. That was cute. It made him all warm and fuzzy inside.

“That is so nice Akaashi.” Akaashi hummed a chuckle that vibrated against his skin. He felt another kiss planted on his lips. He nuzzled into Koutarou’s chest, sighing content against him. “Are we going to sleep now?” He whispered.

“Yeah. we’re going to sleep now.”

“Goodnight *neh* Akaashi.”

 

“MM ‘night.”

 

-oOo-

 

When he got home he shook off all of his things. Angrily scrubbing at his stuff that he would need, his phone and keys and wallet. He slammed drawers and bottles as he was putting things away. The soap kept dropping in the shower and he wanted to scream. He never really felt angry like this, and he couldn’t find a place to put that anger towards, to put blame on, and he felt so powerless to it. He had ended up crying again when the suction cup holders in the bathroom fell and he had to pick them all up.

The fight had started with an offhanded comment that struck him wrong. He tried to joke about it but it ended up turning into something he wasn’t prepared to hear from his boyfriend but had been guessing at. But confirming it made him mad. He was mad it himself, he was mad at Akaashi and Kuroo and seemingly everything, he could find a reason to be angry. But he could blame any of them. Koutarou threw himself onto his bed when he was done. Kuroo had told Akaashi about his tiny set back. It was once. He yelled into his pillow and threw it against the wall that held his bed. And Akaashi had self appointed himself as his babysitter. It was annoying to know that even the people he trusted couldn’t trust him to take care of himself. He liked attention and he liked being taken care of but he hated that no one thought he could deal with himself on his own. Even when he was younger if he had a problem they would send someone else to deal with it. He didn’t need a babysitter because he spent his whole life babysitting himself. He didn’t to bring that up to him, god knows what Akaashi had learned about his parents over the years. Kuroo was with him. He rubbed at his face. He didn’t want to think about this. The minute something set him off he started thinking about everything. He heard his door swing open. “I took a shower washed my feet and hands and put on fresh clothes. I won’t touch my face and i brought your blanket and water. I am coming in. and i am clean.” Kuroo stormed in and threw his weighted blanket at him. He normally kept it in the living room for movies and such. He liked having a little more room when he slept. Also he ran hot. Koutarou rolled over to take up the entirety of the bed preventing Kuroo from getting on it. Instead he was not surprised when Kuroo’s body had fallen on top of him. He grunted. “What’s going on? Sugawara texted me and you have looked sad all day long. And Akaashi isn’t answering any of my texts.” Koutarou groaned and pushed Kuroo to the side and he turned over and cradled his knees. “Kou-”

“You told Akaashi about the cut?” He said, it was weaker than he had intended it to be.

“Yes i did, because he asked how you were doing and i told him. You’ve always been open about it to him, so why now are you being whiney?” It was true. Akaashi had been the one he first told about it, well more like Akaashi found out. But he had always been open to the both of them. It just bothered him that he wasn’t the one to say. Akaashi would have found out one way or another. It didn’t really matter to him. 

“I could have told him.” He pouted.

“Well i’m sorry, next time i will let you tell him, okay? Do you forgive me? Or will i be banished?” Kuroo said theatrically laying himself on top of Koutarou letting his hand pin him as a martyr. “You don’t seem fine yet. So there is more that happened?”

“We got into a fight.” He muttered. Kuroo stilled on top of him.

“Like a fight fight?” Koutarou nodded he pulled the weighted blanket up and over his head. It made Kuroo fall off to his side. “What was it about?”

“Did i have to be taken care of even when we were in high school?” Kuroo laughed.

“Yeah, quite a bit. You were our teams baby ace.” Kuroo must have picked up his silence. “Why? Is that bad?”

“How?”

“Well if we get deep and kind of emotional here, i guess we just did what your parents wouldn’t do. I mean - you could take care of yourself physically most of the time, you were like any of on that one, probably a little bit better at cooking and cleaning then the rest of us, but. Well i don’t know, you get down pretty fast and pretty hard and up pretty fast and pretty hard. So we just made sure you were level. I mean your social skills were crap from the moment i met you, because you weren’t taught anything that other parents would teach their kids. Remember how freaked out you were when we saw that video in sex ed? Everyone had already had ‘the talk’ and you were just looking like someone had given you bag of cheetos and called them saltines your entire life.” Kuroo paused for a second. “God i hate your parents.” Koutarou grumbled a little bit under the blanket. “Sorry…. Is that what this was about? Akaashi taking care of you or something?”

“Not exactly?” He turned over and was met with the light of his bedroom, the air felt better to breath in. 

“What’s so bad about being taken care of?” Kuroo asked, staring down at him.

“It’s not that part.” He said trying to avoid eye contact. “He doesn't trust me.”

“What do you mean?” Kuroo said, laying down. Their faces were close and he could Kuroo’s breath, he scooted back slightly.

“Like with not hurting myself, or taking my meds, or knowing what’s good for my tics, or knowing anything about myself that i know more about then he does.” He pulled the blanket over his head again.

“Okay, first, calm down. Second. Akaashi may be overprotective and i agree he should trust you to know yourself, but i think you need to also realize that he has good intentions, and sometimes you might need a reminder, there are a lot of things you have to keep track of and Akaashi can make sure you are. You have to talk to him, draw some lines and talk out the grey areas, okay? How bout you call him tomorrow when you calm down.” Koutarou shrugged under the blanket. “Do you want to get takeout tonight or cook?”

“Let’s get Takeout.” He felt Kuroo’s arm on his shoulder.

“It’ll end up okay Kou, you just got to be patient.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The neighborhood dad's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow okay, i seriously over estimated my writing speed. School is gonna wreck me. but honestly i care more about fiction then i actually care about school at this point. gonna update this til the end. maybe just with more breaks and meltdowns, hell knows i had like eight today. School starts Wednesday since the district decided to change our fucking schedules to start in the hell hot month of the year. anyways here it is. hope you like it. also sorry for cultural inaccuracies, i'm doing my best with what information i have.

Daichi was in a shop. There were large open window cases that sparkled and blinded his wallet. Suga had dragged him to the shop, Noya and Tanaka were talking excitedly to each other as Suga looked around the shop on his own in semi quietness. Daichi didn’t really know what to do, or what he was looking for. So he stuffed his hands in his pockets and tried to maintain a couple feet between him and anything expensive. “Hey, Daichi, come over here and look at this.” Suga waved him over. He was looking at a tray of different rings, all seemingly having the same stone in them. He didn’t know what it was but they were all the same color and cut, only the metal was different. Suga smiled at him briefly before looking back at the tray. “Asahi is allergic to nickel, Noya isn’t. But i know that both don’t like gold. I was thinking silver. Or i could suggest something that would be more different. like .. i don’t know i’m not an expert, but like other materials so it would be cool colors, and i think something simple for Asahi would be nice. And then the wedding rings should be more simple.” Suga cut himself off when he saw Daichi’s expression. “Are you really not interested at all.” He was interested, but he was trying not to be since everything was so expensive and it was causing a great deal of anxiety.

 

“No i’m listening i’m interested.” Suga smiled again. Pointing at a pretty silver ring with a simple slim band and a very small jewel. He saw Suga eyeing the bluer and lighter gems around the table. He found himself budding in and pulling him over to the left of the encasing. “Asahi likes orange.” he said. There was a row of three rings of what seemed to look something akin to amber -ish. Suga took a glance at them and burst into a wide grin.

 

“Let’s get Noya. No doubt Tanaka has already made him look at all the things Asahi would hate. So he’s had his fun.” It suddenly occurred to him how much Suga was into this. Was he thinking what Noya was? Was HE thinking that…? He paused for a few moments, and then quickly followed suit after his boyfriend. Going to the other side of the shop where Noya was laughing hysterically over something Tanaka had said. Tanka noticed the two of them, his face brightening even more.

 

“HAve you seen these? There gold, Yuu doesn’t like them but everybody likes gold.” Noya laughed at his side putting his hand in front of his face.

 

“No, No! Asahi wouldn’t want something so flashy.” he instinctively signed out the sentence. “Besides, Ryuu, it’s really expensive.” He paused a moment and looked around, smile fading slightly. “Everything is really really expensive.” Daichi felt Noya’s dilemma, everything in the shop seemed to take up month's worth of his own paycheck. Daichi looked around the store. Maybe they could find something nice and small, Asahi probably would be greatful to get a note with a drawn on ring on it. He laughed softly to himself. “I’m going to have to take extra shifts to be able to afford this.” Noya’s eyes wandered around the store.

 

“I’ll keep you company, anything for my brother in arms!” Tanaka said grabbing Noya’s arm and pulling it over his shoulders.They both leaned into his wheelchair awkwardly, it looked to be squishing the sides. Nishinoya barely had to bend down at all to reach him. His solemn expression was quickly remedied by this, gracing his features with crackling laugh. “We can take the shifts together, it’s not like our coworkers are wanting to spend anymore time under the ground then necessary anyways.”

 

“OH dear, more shifts with you? Your wheelchair takes up my entire space. It be even worse.” He teased.

 

“Rude, at least i tolerate your tone deafness.”

 

“It’s cause i’m actually deaf.” They both laughed. Noya ducked out from under his arm and looked up at both Suga and Daichi. “I can’t find anything in here.” He said expectantly. Like they would have been better at finding something.

 

“Well Asahi likes simple, and orange, and he’s allergic to nickel and you’re poor.” Suga counted the factors on his fingers as he said this. He turned his eyes to Noya and then began to laugh. “Yeah, i’ve seen some stuff that might work.” Noya’s face brightened.

 

“Thank god you came.” He said.

  
  


Daichi watched as Noya pushed Tanaka’s wheelchair very fast, and then hopped up on the bar in the back, getting several feet ahead. They had taken a look at several rings and Noya had decided on one that would be perfect for Asahi. Simple white gold band with a small topaz gem in the middle. It would cost a bit, Noya had acted wary at first but it was one of the cheaper rings in the shop and he decided he would get it with whatever he had in his account. But he’d have to wait till next week to actually get the ring. Suga walked along side him, a small smile, he looked relaxed. Relaxed Suga was getting more and more hard to come by it seemed. Daichi reached over and thumbed his hand, Suga let out his palm and Daichi took it in his. Maybe he would cook something nice tonight.

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


Suga was at work. He had the night off so he decided to just make something quick and watch something stupid on the tv while doing some work he had to do for school. Hinata was on his laptop on the couch. He grabbed some leftovers in the fridge and popped them in the microwave. He waited patiently for the machine to beep, listening to the soft sounds leaking through Hinata’s head phones. The microwave beeped and he pulled out the two bowls of soup. Wading over to the living room. The kitchen light leaked through the carved out window in the wall. And the laptop, as well as the window was enough light for the both of them. Daichi placed both of the plates on the coffee table and sat down. The last two weeks had certainly been busy ones. He’d been getting updates from Hinata on his job situation. Daichi didn’t really care, the apartment had been spotless since he moved in, and as long as the kid wasn’t putting himself in a dangerous position like that again. It would definitely take him longer then a couple weeks to find a job. He wasn’t expecting some bam wham thing to happen, so he wasn’t mad. As much as Hinata’s was worried that he would be. Hinata made a tiny grunt from the other seat. “What’s up?” Daichi asked. Hinata didn’t look away from his computer but did turn his whole slightly to face him.

 

“I’m looking at job offers. There are some posted around here but, every one of them does one of those background checks and searches your name things.” 

 

“Do you have a record or something?” Hinata tensed when he mentioned it.

 

“Not, not really.” His laptop shifted on his lap.

 

“Then why would it be a problem?” He asked.

 

“It’s not, it’s nothing. I’m gonna go to sleep.” Hinata jumped off of the couch with his laptop in hand.

 

“Uh.Okay, g’night”

 

-oOo-

  
  


Daichi woke up in the morning with a slight hint of panic. It was one of those weird dreams you could sometimes get about being late. He quickly checked his clock, and saw that it was only five thirty am. Suga was still fast asleep beside him. His face scrunched up against the pillow and all the blankets on his side, he was holding onto the edge of Daichi’s pillow, while one leg drooped over the edge of the bed and the other knocked against Daichi’s knee. Daichi looked fondly at him before getting himself out of the bed. He needed to drink something anyways, his throat was beyond dry and had surpassed into a weird sticky sensation. The living room was still dark. He didn’t remember drawing the blinds, but they were closed nonetheless. He quickly spotted Hinata curled up on the couch next. He blinked, still groggy from sleep. That was weird, he thought. Why would he be sleeping in the living room? He shrugged it off and made his way to the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water from the filter in the fridge. He watched sleepily as the glass filled. Cutting off the flow once it hit the top. The next second he swore he almost dropped his glass. He was surprised by a panicked gasp that came from the living room. He jerked his head to the side and caught a glimpse of a terrified looking Hinata on the couch. He wasn’t making anymore noises, he seemed to be holding onto the couch for dear life. He was muttering something under his breath. Daichi coughed. Hinata flinched and quickly looked over at him. HE was grabbing harder onto the couch. Did he have a nightmare? WEll obviously he had a nightmare. He remembered quickly what Hinata had told him the night they had met. He crossed the room slowly. “Hey, Hinata, it’s Daichi, i was just getting some water.” The fear on his face faded somewhat, but his grip on the couch didn’t loosen. “You okay?” He asked. Hinata didn’t respond, instead Daichi could see the deep breaths he was trying to take. “It’s pretty early, sixish.” This time Hinata nodded. “Do you need me to get you anything?” A head shake. “Okay. I’ll just sit here for a couple minutes then.” he didn’t just want to leave him alone. Suga had let him leave or made him leave in the middle of his anxiety attacks one to many times for him to realize that it was a terrible idea. Daichi sipped his water and watched the kid as he tried to calm himself down. At some point, when Daichi’s glass was half empty, Hinata let go of the couch, in favor of pulling the blanket on his legs over his head. He grabbed onto the bottom of his feet and stayed perfectly still. “Hey, you’re safe, it’s just me and Suga in the apartment.”

 

“Okay.” Hinata said. “Okay, okay okay.” He let out a breath. Rocking slightly on the couch. “I’m okay.” Daichi could barely hear it. He scooted a little closer to Hinata, letting him know he was nearby. His rocking was starting to look a little less contained and sharp. He noticed.

 

“Do you need me to get you some water?” Daichi asked. He made sure not to hover around the kid. He had done that on a bad tic day with Bokuto and he noticed that everything got worse, even if he seemed like he was having a great time, Kuroo had to tell him because he wasn’t getting it. There was a mumbled ‘yes’ in the blanket. Daichi got up and grabbed a larger glass from the fridge and quickly filled it. He knew he wasn’t the best at handling things, his friends were much better at these types of things then he was. But he did his best and he also didn’t want to wake up Suga. He placed the water in front of Hinata, who had taken the blanket off of his head, but it still drooped around him in waves, covering the most of him, except his feet and hands and face. He stared at the water. His face was bright red, and his hands were shaking. He was staring furiously at the water. He pulled the blanket around himself more. He looked absolutely helpless and quickly glanced at Daichi.

 

“I can’t-” He gulped. “I can’t grab it. It’s- i have to stay under the blanket.” He mumbled, and then let his face fall into the nook between his knees.

 

“If i hand it to you will you drink it?” Hinata nodded. “Okay.” He placed the glass into Hinata’s hand, being careful not to touch him.

 

“Sorry.” Hinata clutched the glass, pushing it against his chin.

 

“You don’t have to be sorry. This isn’t your fault and this doesn’t bother me, and besides i don’t have classes till noon.” the kid chugged down the water fast, it dribbled down the sides of his mouth. Halfway through the glass he gasped, his face going even redder. Hinata downed the rest of the water. His eyes were wet, and his shirt was soaked with water. “Are you okay? Do you need anything else?”

 

“No, it’s fine. I’m okay, okay.” Hinata laid himself against the side of the couch more, turning his position back into a sleeping one.

 

“You okay if i go back to bed now?” Hinata nodded. Daichi made his way back to his room. Suga stirred underneath the mountain of blankets as he walked in. It was only 6:30, he could still get quite a bit of sleep.

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


He had somehow been persuaded to go and get lunch with Kuroo. They had gone to a small and more run down area of the town and had gotten what Daichi had decided was the best tomorokoshi he’d ever had. They both ate as they wandered around the area, looking into the windows of a little shops. It was a change, he hadn’t just gone out and done something mundane with his highschool friends in quite a while. It was a nice surprise. “So how are things, haven’t really gotten a chance to talk to you in a little while.” Daichi asked.

 

“It’s going good. My classes are much more boring than i thought they would be, but good, anyways. How bout you? Heard you got a new roommate. Made a move yet?” Daichi rolled his eyes. Same old Kuroo.

 

“Where’d you hear anyways? And no but i wouldn’t doubt you wouldn’t” Kuroo chuckled and shoved his hands in his pockets having finished his food.

 

“What’s this new guy like? Is he gonna replace me in our friendship?”

 

“Well it wouldn’t be that hard.” Kuroo faked a gasp. “He’s got orange hair and a lot of energy. He majors in voice and opera. He is nothing like you.”

 

“Is he the guy Asahi told me hangs out outside the bar and never goes in?” There was a pause. “He doesn’t seem have much of an interest in the actual bar…” Kuroo raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh goodness did Daichi pick up a stray? I bet he isn’t even paying you tsk tsk. You can’t let people free load you, Daichi.” He found himself hesitating. Kuroo obviously was teasing but it felt kind of wrong to him, but he did have a habit of being a bit too soft.

 

“Eh, heh, kind of, yeah. He’s just a kid, and he wasn’t in the safest of situations.” Kuroo nodded.

 

“You’re too nice. Is he paying you or not?” Daichi rubbed the back of his neck.

 

“No? I mean, well he will soon, but i kind of forced him to quit his main source of income and-”

 

“You forced him to quit his job? Wait, wait, okay so so with everything you told me i’m guessing this kid was like- what? - a drug dealer or something?”

 

“No no no, nothing like- well okay, something like that but it wasn’t, he said he didn’t really have a choice, and it wasn’t drugs…. It was, eh, uh, well he was a prostitute.” He said the last part quietly and looked away. Kuroo suddenly started to laugh.

 

“Your life sounds like a shitty late night special.” His tone went serious suddenly, and his face kind of dark. “That, i wonder why he got into that, how old is he?”

 

“Nineteen.”

 

“Barely even legal. Take good care of him.” Kuroo said, and patted him on the back. Daichi nodded, and they walked in silence for a few minutes before Kuroo had come up with something else to say. “Wait, what’s his name?”

 

“Hinata shouyou?”

 

“I KNOW THAT KID.”

 

“You do?”

 

“Yeah like i actually know him, but i- didn’t know that's what he did, he’s friends with kenma, i hung out with him a couple times, he’s a contact in my phone. Jesus christ, it is a small world. I never knew. I can’t believe i never connected the two, oh god, i’m so stupid. I just didn’t think someone like him could possibly be that guy. Wow okay.” Kuroo was slightly more hunched over.

 

“Do ya think kenma knows then?”

 

“Probably he tends to find things out quicker than i do.” It was an actual smile, one that Daichi noticed he reserved for talking about his special friend. “Anyways, i think we should stop by this shop on the end of the street. It has lots of ugly ties to fit your dad like personality.”

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


“So, what is your favorite restaurant?” Daichi asked over the course of cooking something for dinner. He had been thinking: Suga needed a night out. And God knows that his beautiful and caring boyfriend deserved it more than Leonardo DiCaprio deserved that oscar. Suga was helping him, mostly by cleaning up after him and getting things prepared while Daichi did the rest, which was pretty much just looking at the food to make sure it didn’t burn.

 

“Hmm, probably that one place downtown, with the really good squid, and… it has the red tables, i can’t remember the name. Why do you ask?” Daichi stirred the large pot on the stove and smiled to himself. Suga was washing the board he had used to cut stuff but had finished just then and had turned around, he did the same.

 

“I was thinking we could do a date, like a date date, not like movie and pizza date, something fancy, you know?” Suga beamed. His eyebrows raising upwards as high as his smiled. There was a real sparkle there that he loved.

 

“I’d love that.” He said sweetly. Moving forward to where Daichi was perched.

“And then i was thinking we could be the cheesy couple our friends always tease us to be and go see a show.” Suga got very very close, placing his fingers on his chest, and walking them up to his collar bone.

 

“And then what would we do?” He asked finally curling his arms around his neck, hovering so there noses just about touched. Daichi smiled smug.

 

“Oh, well i was thinking we could take it to the next level and hold hands. Maybe even cuddle, if you’re lucky and up for that sort of activity.” Suga let out a breathy laugh, Daichi could feel it on his lips, it sent shivers down his spine.

 

“Oh, yeah? I don’t know, that sounds a little too promiscuous for my liking.”

 

“I didn’t mean to pressure you, maybe we should just stick to the stuff we know for a little longer.”

 

“Uh huh, and what is the stuff we know?” Suga asked pressing there nose together.

 

“This.” He pulled him against his lips; slightly chewed on and chapped, Daichi was gentle enough to make Suga pull him down so it looked like a dip. Daichi pulled back, and escaped from the kiss, smiling large at his boyfriend. He picked him up by his waist and twirled him around. Suga let out a loud high pitched laugh and shriek. He was acting like some weird valentine day special movie’s couple. He had no problem with that because Suga was smiling so brightly and his eyes were closed and his nose all scrunched up. Laugh lines and all was on for display and he loved it. The pan sizzled behind him and he put him back down.

 

“Daichi, oh my goodness. You’re such a cheeseball.” Suga teased. Daichi shrugged and grinned.

 

“It’s what i do.” He turned around to stir the pot again. He felt Suga rest his head on his back, in between his shoulder blades. Suga hummed and wrapped his hands around him again.

 

“I like like you.” Daichi laughed.

 

“Really? I never would have thought with you blowing me last night.” Suga didn’t pull away and instead nuzzled deeper into his back and laughed a little.

 

“I thought it would be a nice and friendly gesture after you fucked my brains out. But i dunno, that’s just what friends do. Have sex.” Daichi choked on his laugh and quickly turned around.

 

“I have to be honest with you since you're confessing your true feelings right now. I think i’m gonna have to turn down your offer. I think i’m too far into this friendship to give up it’s benefits.”

 

“I guess we will just have to become best friends, best friends with occasional i love you and cheesy pick up line and anal fingering and pounding into the bed frame that all friends do but with more love in our hearts then we hold for our lessor friends.”

 

“What a tragedy.” He said, pulling Suga closer to him by swinging his arm around the small of his back.

 

“TRuly” Suga fake pouted. And then Finally releasing a chortle. Daichi did the same and kissed the top of his head.

 

“But you want to go on that date? Monday? I’m free monday and no one would schedule big movie nights on monday.”

  
“Yeah, i’d like that, i like doing things with you.” Suga sighed, content to lean on his chest forever. And Daichi would have loved to crawl into the couch and cuddle him while they watched movies all night, but he still had to cook. Instead he settled on letting his boyfriend hang all over him while he maneuvered around the kitchen.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata's pov

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly racy at the end, not really though. sorry this is late.

Shouyou had had enough of these nightmares. It would be one thing if they only happened at night, but with the lack of sleep and stress of finding a job, and stress of not being able to repay someone who was doing so many nice things for him, he felt his heart pounding throughout the entire day. Just a slow build until he broke down somewhere and he was not going to wait for that to happen. He was supposed to be over this, it had been what? Five years? He shook himself out of his stupor and read over the email again. He had gotten the initial email telling him he had gotten the part the day after he auditioned. Now he was reading over the rules and details of the show, what type of music they would have to prepare for it. It was easy, he would be ready by the weekend and he had all month. But he still felt extremely anxious about it. There was a knock on his door. He looked up from his bed towards it. “Yeah? Come in!”

“Hey Hinata! Me and Daichi re going out, but Kageyama got kicked out of his apartment for a couple hours. It’s okay that he stays here right?” Shouyou held his snicker in. he knew what that felt like, and he knew what it most likely entailed. He didn’t understand why Suga felt the need to ask, it wasn’t his house, and Kageyama wasn’t someone he had actively not gotten along with. Shouyou would consider him a friendly acquaintance.

“Yeah, sure! No problem.” He smiled brightly.

“Okay! See you later then.” Suga gave a brief wave and left closing the door after him. It would be rude to just stay in his room right? Or would he be interrupting something if he walked out of his room…. He finished reading his email.

 

Shouyou exited his room and found Kageyama cross legged on the couch drawing furiously. It was interesting to watch. He wondered if he would startle him if he said anything. “Hi!” He said from his door. There was a slight jump from the other boy, who looked up quickly. Shouyou laughed softly. “Sorry, i didn’t mean to startle you.” Kageyama looked back down at his book and then back up at him. He squeezed his eyes shut hard for a couple seconds, and then erased something on the piece of paper.

“‘S fine.” he said. Shouyou walked over to the couch, trying to get a look at the drawing in Kageyama’s lap.

“What are you working on?” He asked. “Is it for your classes?”

“I’m not working on anything with you hovering over me like that.” Kageyama stated bluntly. Shouyou furrowed his brow and stepped away. “It’s just a weekly assignment.” He said after sometime of awkward silence.

“Well what is it?” Shouyou sounded short. He inwardly scolded himself, but he was burned a little bit by Kageyama’s reaction to his curiosity, what was so bad about seeing it?

“Nothing yet.” Shouyou rolled his eyes. Wow, what an open person.

“Can i see?” Kageyama looked up and glared at him.

“No, it’s not done yet.”

“Who cares? I still want to see.” He said. Kageyama scoffed and went back to drawing. Shouyou stepped closer again.

“I’m getting graded for this, and you're going to be the reason i get a bad one.” Shouyou was taken aback. He grunted. And turned away towards the kitchen. If he was going to be like that…

“Fine. I’ll leave you to your boring drawing then. Not like i actually care.” He heard a growl from the other guy on the couch. He smiled to himself. At least he knew how easy it was to get him angry, just one question about his work and he was a growling mess. What was he? An angry dog or something. Shouyou rummaged in the fridge, he was sure they had something other than water to drink. He was craving something fizzy. He reached towards the back of the fridge and found it, a little can of pop. He closed the fridge and opened the can. Only to have it spurt foam and pop at his face and all the way down his shirt. He made a slight yip and threw it in the sink. He grumbled and looked at his shirt, it was soaked.

“Dumbass.” He heard Kageyama say from the couch. Shouyou looked up from his shirt and through kitchen window. And scurried over to look through it clearly and planted his hands on the table.

“Bakageyama.” He hissed. He was all sticky now. He would have to take a shower with how much soda sprayed. He looked around him and found that he had taken the brunt of the explosion. He picked up the can and threw it away. He briskly walked to the bathroom. He saw Kageyama glance up at him and then back down at his drawing.

It was really just a rinse. Five seconds and he was out again. Wrapping a towel around his waist. He walked out. Kageyama jolted in his seat. “Ehm, i thought you were-” He stared.

“What?” Shouyou asked, his hand on his hips. Kageyama averted his eyes. He looked down at himself. He still had bruises from when he was beaten up, but his injuries were healing well. There was a scar from when he had his appendectomy. It hadn’t healed well since it was in the burst of the worst he had received from his dad. He crossed his arms over his stomach. Okay, so he was weirding people out with it. “Oh.” He crossed the living room and hurried into his own. He didn’t like that look. He got dressed into some new clothes and plopped down onto his bed.

 

He had fallen asleep. He didn’t know for how long, but there was a faint sound of his door creaking and light trickling its way in through the crack. Shouyou stirred. It was annoying how little sound there was and that it was making him get up. “Oh, oh, he’s asleep.” It sounded like Suga. “Eh, oh, okay, then, see you later Kageyama.” Shouyou groaned. Couldn’t they talk with the door closed? There was a soft and far away ‘bye’ before his door was shut.

 

-oOo-

 

“HELLO NATSU!!!!!!” Shouyou practically screamed at the screen. He was sitting in Kenma’s apartment with his sisters bright face taking up the entire screen of his laptop. Kenma sat on the seat next to him. Kenma was playing a simple game on his phone as they started the call.

“Hello! I can’t believe you haven’t called for a full two weeks! What am i not fun anymore?” The redhead asked the screen. She had grown so much since when they were little. Sporting her hair very short likes she always did, and wearing a very large shirt that looked to be a hand me down of his. 

 

“Well…..nO NO. i’m joking. But i’m sorry i haven’t called. I’ve been busy! I’m an adult now.” He said, Kenma rolled his eyes and laughed.

“How’d ya get that bruise?” Shouyou was caught off guard for a second, but quickly picked himself back up.

“It was just some guys at work. I’m fine now.” Natsu looked at him, seeming not to believe him. She squished up her nose and then relaxed her face and sighed.

“Your work sounds awful.” Shouyou heard Kenma scoff beside him.

“Yeah, but i quite. So it’s all okay now. I’m looking for something better.” Natsu pouted her lip. And looked at him skeptically. She sighed after and crossed her arms.

“You get yourself into too much trouble. Mom was right about you, you go looking for trouble all the time. You're going to get seriously hurt Shouyou.” He laughed slightly and waved his hand around.

“Mom’s got it all wrong. I’m the spitting image of a safe and reasonable man.” Kenma nearly choked beside him. “What?! I am!” Natsu was giggling on screen.

“Shouyou, you are anything but.” Kenma giggled.

“Yeah, you can hardly keep in touch with your family!” Shouyou scoffed.

“I do too! It was one week, why are you guys so mean?”

“Oh yeah? Mom said you don’t even call dad! What kind of man does that make you?” Shouyou stilled. Their mom never told Natsu about what happened, she was too young to comprehend. He’d always known his mother called his father, it bothered him, but he had tried to understand why. He didn’t know his sister was talking to him, she shouldn’t be talking to him at all. He was dangerous. He gulped. He didn’t know what to say. Natsu hadn’t ever really talked about him before. The occasional question and clouded response from his mom. He would always avoid being around when his mom told Natsu about him. It always seemed like lies to him. And although his mother had supported him and sent him off to therapy and helped him with all of it and the aftermath she never said a single bad word about Shouyou’s dad. It was scary to think that she could still love him even after what he did to her own son. And Natsu thinking that he was some sort of misfit rebel who made a bad choice didn’t settle right with him. He could still vividly imagine everything. After years of suppression he had been put through extensive therapy, dragging every single detail out of him. And then suppressing it again. And now it was all back in his face again and he didn’t know why. He didn’t notice he wasn’t breathing till Kenma took hold of his hand. Intertwining their fingers with force. Their knuckles knocked together and he was snapped out of his thoughts. “Come on, i know you don’t like him, but he can’t be that bad.” Natsu said from the computer. Kenma gave him that knowing look. He hadn’t told Kenma everything, he had had the basics dragged out of him after a particularly bad week of nightmares.

“You’re alright Shouyou.” He whispered. “It’s okay.” Shouyou caught his breath and coughed.

“So how has the new year been? School is good? Make any new friends?” Natsu rolled her eyes and laughed.

“Always avoiding questions. Tsk tsk… But yeah, it has been fun, i’m already doing better in school then you did. So take that. And yeah, I've made some friendly acquaintances.” Kenma was still holding onto his hand, he wasn’t one for physical contact so he must have looked terrified. His thumb was running lightly against his own. A silent reminder to breath. His laugh was contrived. 

“I didn’t do that bad.”

“You did horrible. Mom said you were distracted by everything. But i mean i guess you must have been pretty worked up about dad, though, right? I kind of miss him sometimes, but i can hardly remember him before, you know? And you never talk about him. I just don’t get why you seem to not care at all about him.” He was clutching on for dear life to Kenma’s hand. Trying to hide his panic from his sister. He didn’t like talking about him.” He looked at Kenma briefly. It was stupid, like he was asking his friend for permission to end the call. He couldn’t say anything.

“Hey Natsu, Sorry but i have to steal your brother from you. He’ll text you when we’re done, okay?” Natsu shrugged.

“Okay whatever, i’ll ask him later. Love you Shouyou, have a good day Kenma.” The call ended with the little blip the video calls always had. Kenma Immediately turned his attention fully towards him.

“Shouy-”

“Sorry, sorry. I don’t want to be all gushy about the topic, and it’s been slipping out more and more and i'm sorry. It wouldn’t normally bother me this much. I didn’t mean to freak out.” He wasn’t done talking but somehow Kenma wiggled himself in.

“Of course you didn’t mean to freak out -”

“I mean yeah, nobody ever goes ‘oh i want to freak out right now let’s do that’ but i just i could have stopped it a month ago. I don’t know why i can’t now, it’s been years, since he got locked up and even longer since he went, to.. But i just, i don’t want to freak out in front of her. I don’t want her to know, but i don’t want her to not know how fucking awful he was. He was awful to her. He was awful to me and my mom but it was like just not quite enough to make it anything anyone would listen to you about.” He paused to catch his breath. “I don’t know how mom can still love him. And how she let’s Natsu talk to him. She doesn’t deserve that. What if he get’s out and she wants to meet him, what if he hurts her? What if he does the same thing to her as he did-” Before he could finish, his throat closed up and Kenma pulled him towards his chest. He couldn’t speak, just laid limp against his friends body as he tried to calm himself down. It was a long time before he could catch his breath again. Kenma didn’t talk. He was grateful. Sometimes he just got caught up in it all and it all came tumbling out of his mouth with no filter and he couldn’t stop.

“Kuroo’s coming over tomorrow, If you’d like to come.”

“If i'm not butting in, yeah.”

 

-oOo-

 

Kuroo kept staring at him. It was weird. They were just sitting on the couch watching a movie, with Kenma playing with his game, and Kuroo kept just staring at him. And it went on the entire movie he could hardly enjoy it. He didn’t know Kuroo all too well but he didn’t know he was this much of an ass. And it got to the point to where they were both leaving, and Kuroo had the bright idea that he would walk Shouyou home. Not that he needed it, he had figured it out by now. But he wasn’t going to be rude about it. But even then he was still staring. “What?” He finally said, through gritted teeth. “You’ve been staring at me all night, what is it?” Kuroo went from neutral to taken a back. And it was weird because he hadn’t seen that on him before. Kuroo looked away and rubbed his neck. “Do i have something in my teeth? On my clothes? Do i smell? What?” He was trying to make it funny, seeing as how the air was all stuffy around them.

“I didn’t know you were a prostitute. Just, didn’t think you would do that.” He looked uncomfortable. And Shouyou internally sighed. It wasn’t like he dealt drugs or something. “You’re just so young.” So if he was twenty it would have been dismiss-able.

“Well, it’s not really something that matters to me. So you don’t have to get that look of pity on your face.”

“It doesn’t matter?” He asked, it was posed with more curiosity than anything else.

“Well, it was a job, it still feels like a job. There wasn’t any intimacy there, it was a job.” He explained, it felt weird doing so.

“So like, when you had sex with someone outside of your job, did you feel the same way.” Shouyou laughed a little. He hadn’t ever had sex outside of his job. He was busy with school to take an interest in anyone. And family, and money, and living. He barely had friends, let alone escapades with a random fella, or known fella.

“I don’t know. I haven’t done that before.” He said. Kuroo seemed to get closer to him as he walked.

“No? Huh, i would have thought you have.” He said.

“I’m busy a lot of the time, i have school, and after school things, i have to make enough to send back to my mom, online work, street work. It would be too much on plate to add in that.” With everything changing. He still doesn’t know why he gave up the job he had since he was still in highschool. He never really liked it, but it seemed like his only option, and option he was more comfortable with then having to share a talk with an employer when they looked him up, and everything his little town gathered on him. Maybe he could try now. Still seemed like something far away. 

“Online work?” Kuroo asked, he sounded more curious then his face let on.

“It’s legal there. I didn’t think Daichi would mind that… I still have to pay for things till i find a job. I can’t just abandon my sister.” He felt like he had to defend himself with the look he was getting.

“What do you do exactly.” Shouyou tensed up a little, he didn’t get why he was suddenly so embarrassed over the thing he had done for most of his life. Why were all these new people he was meeting so judgey, and why was Kuroo so curious anyways?

“I make videos...and people pay for them. Camming.” Kuroo stopped briefly behind him.

“So like porn? You make porn?” He stifled a laugh, hiding it behind his hand. “I wasn’t expecting that, i mean i was, but i wasn’t” Shouyou didn’t like the way he said it.

“What? Think it’s funny?” They continued to walk again.

“Well, you are kind of the exact opposite of what someone would think of a cam- cam...boy.”

“I’m perfectly good at my job. Why wouldn’t i be expected?” He asked. Kuroo shrugged.

“You’re just, bouncy?” Shouyou crossed his arms and pouted.

“Well, i think i’m good.” Kuroo gave a small giggle aimed at him and he started to walk a little faster towards the apartment. They were close, considering Kenma’s place wasn’t that far away from his own. And soon after their little chat they had reached his apartment.

“I’ll catch a bus from here. Night, Hinata.”

“Night.” Kuroo gave a polite wave and turned away. Leaving Shouyou to move into the complex.

 

-oOo-

 

He left his interview with his teeth shattering, and his legs having tremors. It was ridiculous. He’d never had a problem meeting with somebody at an interview, it was what they found after he left that made him so nervous, and turn him away. He had stuff online, not his cam vids, he never showed his face. Went by a different name. But this was harder to hide because he didn’t put it up. No one wants to hire a liar. Which is often what he was called, a reason for the news to villain his town, either way he wasn’t good news. He had looked it up once, promptly throwing up his lunch afterwards. It was a small grocery store that he had decided would be a good place to start. They were just starting up and were hiring quite a bit of people quickly. They already had one person. The guy who interviewed him was really nice, almost like the guy you’d find giving homeless people a ridiculous amount just because he could. Maybe, Shouyou thought, he could look past the news headlines.

Hinata was walking home. Daichi and Suga were out at the bar again, they seemed to every weekend, and also seemed to not really go anywhere else on the weekends. He kind of was excited that he would have the place to himself for a little while again. Maybe this time he wouldn’t be interrupted. And embarrassed. He was around two miles away from the apartment itself. He looked up at the sky from underneath the grocery stores little hood over the front. IT was raining, it was raining hard. Pouring. He didn’t have an umbrella. He actually couldn’t remember owning an umbrella. That was stupid, he would have to get one. Maybe they had one with a lot of colors so he could tell which one was his. Maybe yellow, or orange. Would it match his hair? That would actually be kind of funny. He brought himself out of his thoughts as he looked up at the sky again, then down at his phone. Maybe he should catch a bus… As he looked across the way he noticed just how hard it was actually pounding. It was so much rain that the puddles seemed to be having mini tsunami’s, that the people walking around the city were almost just a rush and blur of different types of umbrellas. He watched as a car whizzed past a small child and his father, Thoroughly soaking both of them. The kid began to cry. He really should take a bus. He decided on. He quickly pocketed his phone. And pulled up his hood. He may have been a little bit more ‘preparing for battle’ then was necessary, but whatever. He sprinted across the small lot and towards a covered street area. He waited impatiently at the light, the rain absolutely soaking him to the bone, and then ran off again to the other street where the bus stop lay.

There was a moderate crowd of people at the stop. All the seats under the little hutch were taken, and Shouyou looked enviously towards the group of squished people. People swarmed around him, concealing him behind bodies, he wouldn’t be able to see the bus all to well if it showed up. He took off his hood now, his hair was bristling the back of his neck with it on. He still felt that feeling. He turned around. His eyes widened in surprise. A head of black hair, bright orange windbreaker, and a silly sports like shoulder bag. “K-Kageyama!” He shouted. If he didn’t know any better, Kageyama looked just as surprised. His eyes were wide. And he was hnched over with his hands in his pocket. Realizing he hadn’t spoken for an awkward amount of time he opened his mouth again to say something, nothing came out, something else. “Eh, w- what are you doing here?” Kageyama’s face quickly went back to it’s neutral setting, boring scowl.

“Why do you think i’m here? I’m taking the bus.” He said, he sounded angry. This guy.

“Well, okay, fine, where are you going then?” Kageyama shrugged and took out the phone he had been grasping in his pocket.

“Suga had something for me at your apartment.” But no one was at the apartment. Shouyou thought for a second. Maybe Kageyama was running late.

“Did something happen?” He asked. Kageyama looked puzzled for a moment, and then turned angry again.

“Why would something happen? I’m just going to pick it up.”

“No one's there.” Shouyou stated. Kageyama’s face grew darker.

“He said you’d be there when i got there.” Shouyou furrowed his brow. He would be there now. But if Kageyama left earlier he wouldn’t, how would he have gotten in.

“Oh, well, i guess i can let you in then.”

“You guess…” Shouyou shrugged off the last comment. There was a long awkward silence. He didn’t know if he should be talking to Kageyama, or if he should just continue on like he would have. It felt rude to do both. Until Kageyama coughed, “You - You had an interview.” He didn’t phrase it like a question, or like how it went. It puzzled him for a moment.

“Umm.. yeah?” Kageyama paled and looked away. The scowl was still there.

“How did it go?” He asked as if he was reciting some sort of computer code.

“It went.. Okay.. it’s after i’m worried about.” Kageyama grunted in response.

It was weird. Everything was weird. The bus ride passed with them sitting close, but not close enough to be acknowledged as traveling together. They stayed in an awkward silence. And Shouyou wondered if Kageyama thought he was leading them. It felt weird to be in front of him on the walk to the apartment, But it felt even weirder walking next to him, or behind him. Once they both reached the front door. They were undeniably soaked. Head to toe. Kageyama was shivering, as much as he was trying to hide it it was obvious. Shouyou stripped himself of his sweatshirt and quickly ran to his room to throw it in their away from Kageyama’s eyes. He should offer for him to stay, it would only be polite right? Kageyama picked up a little bag, he hadn’t seen that this morning. He walked back over to the tiny seated bar and watched him briefly. “Eh, um, Kageyama, you can stay if you like, it’s really raining. And you didn’t have an umbrella.” Kageyama held the bag awkwardly, half in his hands, and half not. He looked between the bag and then Shouyou, and finally settled on the floor. He seemed to have made a decision.

“Yeah, thank you.” Shouyou quickly bounced out of his seat. He should make tea, that’s what people do when guests are at houses. He quickly turned the kettle on and sifted through an entire shelf of different teas. He looked back at Kageyama, who was looking at him blankly.

“What do you like? i’m pretty sure they have everything in here.” Why was he so panicky?

“Um.. Blueberry.” Shouyou searched the cupboard, behind things and in the boxes.

“Eh, okay, so no blueberry.” He was still looking by the time Kageyama listed off the next answer.

“Well, then i’ll take peach.” He said softly. Shouyou looked again, a bit more frantic this time. There wasn’t any peach either. A hundred teas and kageyama has to pick the ones they don’t have.

“We don’t have peach either.” Kageyama made a grunt.

“Dumbass, why don’t you just tell me what’s their then, instead of keeping me guessing.” Shouyou blushed. He was trying really, he couldn’t be even the slightest bit grateful.

“They have a hundred teas, why couldn’t you just pick one everyone has?” He said, a little more angry than he meant.

“Well, blueberry is a pretty common tea, and so is peach, so i doubt they actually have a hundred teas. You were just being lazy.” Shouyou was taken aback.

“Lazy? That’s rude, i’m offering you tea! Couldn’t you have even a little bit of manners, Bakageyama.” Kageyama growled from the kitchen seat.

“You live here, how can you not know what you have?” Shouyou got even more flustered, he held himself to the cabinets.

“W-well I didn’t buy it!”

“So you’re just taking it without asking then?”

“I thought it would be polite! But i can see you’re just ungrateful!” Kageyama scowled deeper and looked away. Shouyou backed up, he looked scary from here. He could see Kageyama vibrating with rage. Instead of saying anything, he clenched his fist and asked.

“What do you have?” Shouyou stilled for a second and then quickly turned back towards the cabinet.

“Four different types of green tea, a lot of different ones for sleep, calmness. Eh um, black teas, i don’t.”

“Oh god! I’m looking.” Kageyama got up from the stool and walked over to Shouyou, Standing to the side and looking in the cabinet. He shoved Shouyou with his body. For some reason the warmth of it made a shiver run up Shouyou’s spine. He smelled like acrylic paints, watercolors, charcoal. He gulped. What? He moved out of the way as much as he could, pressed against the counter. He wiggled to the side. Kageyama got out two bags of something he couldn’t tell what it was and placed them in mugs. The tea started to whistle, and again Shouyou was shoved to the side so Kageyama could do it himself. He felt weird. He should be doing this. He felt like his legs were shaking still from the interview. But it’s been nearly an hour. Once it was ready, Kageyama handed him the mug. “Here.” He said, his anger had calmed significantly.

“Thanks.” He took it, it immediately warmed up his hands, it kind of hurt but also felt nice. He wanted to press his face against it, but Kageyama would just tease. He brought it up to sip, stupidly. It burned his tongue, and he hissed.

“Dumbass.” Kageyama retorted. Shouyou grumbled and looked away. He didn’t like being called names. They sat in silence drinking their tea. It wasn’t as awkward though. They simply had nothing to talk about. And for some reason he was still shaking, and hoping the other boy wouldn’t notice.

“When’s your birthday.” Shoyuou asked. Kageyama was probably, older, looked older, although that could be because he acted like a grumpy old man.

“December.”

“And you're the same age as me now right?”

“19, yeah.”

“HAH! I’m older than you. That’s cool. Now you gotta take my orders. I order you to compliment me.” Kageyama looked up from his phone. One of his eyebrows rose.

“You have a beautiful voice.” He said, straight, no inflection, no sarcasm. Shouyou couldn’t read it. But he felt something weird twinge in his chest. And his breathing sped up. He realized he was staring. He quickly blinked the feeling away, and laughed it off.

“You think so?” Kageyama nodded and went back to his phone. He laughed again, a nervous laugh he realized sounded awful. God what was happening? “w-Why?” He dared to ask. Kageyama looked up again, and then around the room, and then back on him again.

“Stop fishing for compliments.” He said. The fluttery feeling he felt died. It was a horrible death. Like a man getting hit by a bus in slow motion after his daughter's birthday, none of his family came because he died a john doe. Shouyou deflated and leaned against the counter.

“You can’t talk that way to your elders.”

“I hate June.” Kageyama said and stood up. “I have to go. Thank you for the tea.”

“June is great. I will argue about this.”

“I’m sure you will.” Kageyama said and swung his back over his shoulder. He stopped at the door. “See you later.”

“Bye,” He said, and waved him out the door. The feeling was back again. And he stood in the hall, staring at the now closed door for minutes before he realized what it was. He scolded his gut and grumbled all the way to his room. That was stupid, and Kageyama was stupid and rude and mean, the exact opposite of everything he dreamed of. He closed the door with a harrumph and plopped down on the bed. Stupid Kageyama.

 

-oOo-

 

He was up against the wall. He groaned as someone's hands trailed down his skin, caressing his curves and over places that felt just a little too intimate for this situation. He groaned again. Another client. Just as always. He could hear obscene sounds of skin on skin. Lips trailing and circling his nipples. And the intense feeling of heat in his groin. He panted and moaned against the taller stature. Just like any night, he thought. He normally didn’t do this out in the open but the offer was high, he remembered it being high, was it a memory? He felt himself getting closer, and the thrusts getting faster. He let out a loud over exaggerated moan. Opened his eyes. He paled. This was a dream. It hit him fast and hard.

 

Shouyou was panting as he woke up. Thank god, he hadn’t actually did that. He was sprouting an obscene boner. He slapped his face with his hands. “No Shouyou, bad Shouyou, gross, icky, stupid, Shouyou, no.” He whispered. He didn’t know why he had dreamed Kageyama to be so muscular.


	18. 17.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this happened fast here.

Ittetsu typed in the name ‘Hinata Shouyou’ after he had gotten past the interview. The kid sounded like a hard worker. He also sounded like a bundle of nerves, which was somehow endearing. There weren’t many requirements set up for him to really check on. Just regular stuff he had been advised to check up on. It didn’t really matter much. But he wanted good people working their. Even if it was just a silly grocery store. There was more than he was expecting. ‘Hinata shouyou: Small towns dark secret.’ he read the headline. He looked down to the next one. ‘Father of two sentenced to six years in prison’ Another couple unrelated headlines down he saw a short video link. Ittetsu was surprised. He clicked the first article. ‘Living in a town of this size we often know what everyone else seems to be up to. However sometimes we get these reports, sometimes we have terrible things happening in places we can’t see. Hinata Shouyou, 15, reported his father to the police two weeks ago, after a disturbing phone call allegedly capturing audio of the abuse of the 15 year old.’ Ittetsu read the first paragraph. Detailing the arrest. He scrolled down a bit to find an audio recording given as reference he clicked play.

‘ 1-1-0 operator, what is your emergency?’ (Muffled yelling, the sound of fabric. The sound becomes clear as a loud bang sounds across the room. More yelling)

‘Natsu- Ah! -get the phone!’ (Young girl crying.)

‘1-1-0 operator, what is your emergency?’

‘Brother is hurt. Daddy is angry.’ (more screaming and crying)

‘You drop that phone missy!’ (a loud clang is heard in the background.)

‘Get away from her!’

‘Where are you?’ 

‘My house, i’m scared.’

‘I can help you if you can tell me where you are.’

‘I’m on ----.’ (Different person crying in the back, slapping sounds.)

‘Good, what’s your name and your age?’ 

‘Give me the fucking phone! - Goddammit Shouyou!’ (clatter of glass and a loud scream.)

‘Please help there’s blood.’

‘Are you hurt in any way?’

‘No it’s my brother his head, his head is bleeding please help.’

‘Who hurt him?’

‘My dad.’

‘Can you tell me you and your brothers names and ages please.’

‘Hinata Natsu, and Hinata Shouyou.’

‘You have four seconds to put down that phone or i’m coming over there.’

‘I have to hang up.’

‘Don’t hang up, set the phone down. Help is on the way.’ ( a loud scream is heard before the call is cut off)

 

Ittetsu’s heart was racing as he listened. He scrolled to the top of the article. Hinata’s picture, a younger version, his face showed many bruises, his face showed nothing but a scowl. That was him. So that was real. He exited out of that link and clicked the next one. ‘Hinata Shouyou: Hero sibling now adds rape to charges. In the aftermath of this small town tragedy, several weeks after the arrest was made, reports come out of Hinata Shouyou accusing his father of repeatedly raping him as a child. Although not many details are known yet, we await for the news of these reports to come our way.’ The article showed a smiling Hinata in a school uniform with some of what Ittetsu suspected were his friends. He looked a lot less tired than the other picture. He looked a lot like what he had seen in the interview. He was starting to feel sick. He clicked on the last link pertaining to him. It was a video. 

The video had it placed on the kids mom. She looked tired underneath a smiled, a checkered dress floated. She was sitting on a bench outside looking up at the camera men in the sun. ‘Can you tell us about what is happening With these recent reports?’ They asked her. Her smile grew.

‘What would you like to know?’ she asked.

‘What happened to your son, is it true?’ she had set down her bag next to her instead of on her lap. 

‘Sometimes my son exaggerates, but i have confidence his exaggerations are seeded in truth, if his father really has done this, if my husband has, then i ask he do his time and come out forgiven.’ There was a small gasp from the corner of the camera.

‘Are you mad at your husband? How will this affect your family?’

‘I just wish for us to come back whole after this is done.’ The screen cuts away from the mom and to a completely different video. Hinata is sitting on a bench holding onto a flip phone. Some kids were laughing behind the camera, they walked up to the boy.

‘Hey fag! Is it true you fucked your dad?’ Hinata looked from his phone, expressionless. His face was littered with bruises and butterfly stitches lined the corner of his head. ‘You get an STD? Did he pimp you out? Some fag twink for the big fags?’ The kids were standing directly above him while two other slide beside him. Hinata looked extremely uncomfortable with what was happening. ‘What are you mute or something? Did he fuck your mouth so much you can’t talk?’

‘Shut up.’ he whispered. Clutching his phone to his chest.

‘Oh look he can speak. I like your phone, do you use it for your clientele. Probably don't even get paid, you probably pay them to fuck you.’ The boy to the left of Hinata ripped the phone from his hands and broke it in half. Hinata’s face went from frustrated to wild in a second. He pummeled the kid, pounding his face into the dirt. ‘Oh shit he’s savage.’ The kid that was sitting to the other side of him reached down and easily pulled him of his friend. Hinata was on the grass, he looked like a deer in the headlights. ‘Take his clothes off maybe we can show the world the fag he really is.’ As the kid on top of reached down to do the Hinata’s hand came up and scratched a chunk out of the kids face. The kid screamed. And the boy with eh camera backed up. ‘Hey, dude what the fuck chill out!’ Hinata looked at the three of them, breathing heavily, he looked around for his phone and found the two broken pieces on the floor. He picked them up and stared straight at the camera. He growled and shook, and then left.

Ittetsu shut the laptop down after that. HE didn’t know how to process what he just found out. He looked over at the resume he had received from Hinata. Kid probably had a hard time finding a job with all that about him. It could very possibly be pity that made him give the kid a job.


	19. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noya's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is late. Sorry. i feel like my meds are bugging me up. Lucky for you i'm not trying out for the fall play this year because i'm too into my writing, homework, and medical appointments to actually give a shit about learning lines or trying to cold read. Which is weird because theatre is all i usually care about. i have decided to put my other fic on hiatus, it's a weird moral dillema surrounding that story so i'm waiting till i can watch some more documenteries on brain damage to actually do that one. If my writing is weird blame the nostalgic feeling citalopram gives me. I'm really happy your reading this. this is the longest fic i've ever written and it's no where near being done yet. So if you like it, look forward to long longnesss. Sorry this chapter feels short. it's like 4,000 words but it feels short to me. anyways enjoy sorry my spelling and grammar sucks.

Yuu’s breath caught in his throat when he saw the ring he wanted. It would be perfect for Asahi. He’d love it. He couldn’t help but become tongue tied. He could picture perfectly what would happen. Everything he loved and hopped for and earned sealed together by this. By his own actions. He got a little choked up and had to turn away to make sure that Tanaka didn’t see. He didn’t have the money at the moment. But he would by next week. After they had decided he persuaded Tanaka to let him push his chair, it would give him an excuse to not talk. Suga drove them all home. Suga had been such a help through his whole ordeal he would have to find a way to thank him. The elevator was working well so Tanaka made his way up to his apartment. Daichi would be home by now. Yuu hovered outside of the door. He didn’t know if he could hide his excitement. Of course, Asahi could always say no…. He shivered and gulped. What if he did say no? Would that be it? Would he be alone again? Yuu fumbled with his keys, but before he could get the key in the door it opened showing Asahi. Noya tried to smile // Hello //

//Were you having some trouble?// Asahi chortled. And stood to the side to let him in.

// I was distracted.// He smiled. 

// By what? // Yuu paused for a moment before going in and setting his things down.

// Oh, just a lot of school work.// He sauntered over to his boyfriend and wrapped his hands around him as high as he could go. Nuzzling his face into his chest. Asahi returned the gesture, wrapping him up in how own and planting a kiss to the top of his head. Yuu sighed. If Asahi said yes, he was the luckiest person in the world, to be marrying the most perfect person in the world.

 

-oOo-

 

Yuu groaned. Grinding down on to the rock hard cock inside him. Letting out a moan and breathing heavily. He kept turning his head, unable to stay still as Asahi pounded into him. He pushed his face into the crook of his elbow and panted, letting little grunts and groans out in between. Asahi above him had closed his eyes, holding onto Yuu with a sense of urgency. His whole body shuddered and gave way, riding out his orgasm as Yuu continued to pant. He was dangerously close. Asahi Continued to thrust, but reached his hand down to Yuu’s cock and stroked. Yuu gasped and clung onto his boyfriend. He felt like he was shaking from pleasure, it was almost painful. He came with a cry. Asahi’s hand stroked until he was done, and lying limp on the mattress. Before he could even comprehend it was over Asahi was peppering his entire body with kisses. He couldn’t do anything but breath. He was completely spent. He might have been a little too eager that morning. He did have school, and work, and his ass was going to be sore the entire day. And if he couldn’t get ready in twenty minutes he was going to miss his first class. Lucky Asahi, taking his classes later in the day. //Are you okay?// Asahi asked. Yuu chuckled, he always asked that. He lazily brought up his hands and signed ‘yes’ before letting them fall flat again. He really needed to get up, but he was just so satisfied to lay in bed forever. //You need to get to class, are you sure you want to go?// Yuu nodded.

//I’ll be fine, just take it slow.// He rolled over on his side. Pressing his face flush against his boyfriend's skin. There was a certain smell he liked, his boyfriend could go from chilly winter mornings and hot chocolate to sweaty and hot in an instant. There was something he liked about being able to bring out that more daring side of him. He hummed, happily, and wrapped his body around him. “Carry me, shower.” he said, since he was unwilling to let go of his Boyfriend. Asahi laughed and slowly got them both out of the bed. He hadn’t put in his aid, it all came at him on one side, all muffley. He liked it better, he only wore it when he needed to be involved with people who couldn’t sign. He clung to his boyfriend as he opened the bathroom door. Asahi let go, and Yuu glided to the floor. He didn’t let go with his arms though.

//You are going to be late.// Yuu squished his face further into Asahi and grunted. Stupid degree, he should have been a stay at home boyfriend, why did he even choose history? He leaned back again and looked up at him. He furrowed his brow and pouted his lip. //What is it?// He finally let go of him.

//I don’t know if i will be able to support myself in the shower. Maybe you should help me.// Asahi looked horrified. Oh god.

//I didn’t go that hard did i? Oh no, Yuu i’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. We can just stay here today, okay?// Yuu snorted and shook his head.

//I’m more then okay, you were great.// Yuu walked, stiffly, trying to ignore the throbbing that was going on. Asahi was beside him in a second. //Change your mind? Gonna take a shower with me?// Asahi just rolled his eyes and made them both hop in.

Yuu stole one of Asahi’s shirts. It was way too large. Almost a dress. He snuggled into it. He was grabbing his stuff when Asahi came up behind him, Enveloping him in a giant hug. He was lifted up a little bit and he chortled at that. He was set down again, he quickly grabbed all his things. //i’ll be back later tonight. But i can meet you for lunch okay?//

//why are you working later?//

//I’m a bit tight this month, but don’t worry. I’d still love to fuck you silly when i get back.// Asahi blushed furiously. Yuu smirked. He jumped up and pecked a kiss to each other's lips. //Bye!//

 

-oOo-

 

He bought a pack of cigarettes on his way to work. It was a stupid idea. But ever since his dad called he’s been craving them. He just would have one a day. Just when he was stressed. And with him taking this big leap, he just needed a little before work. Before he could register the yelling as something pertaining to him he was being knocked in the legs with a wheel chair. He hurled over into a coughing fit. “I’ll take that” The cigarette was stolen from his fingers. His lungs were on fire. “You’re going to kill yourself you know.” Tanaka stated as he threw the cigarette in the trash and wheeled into the little office. Yuu hit his chest. Jesus fucking christ that hurt. He probably had bruises on his legs now, and on his fucking lungs. He followed suit into the office and set himself on the little stool provided.

“I know what i’m doing, just till i propose, then i’ll stop. Okay? I promise.”

“You made promises like that last time too. And look what that did to you. I’m not letting my best friend get lung cancer. You already have a tragic backstory.” Tanaka placed his phone next to the little radio and began setting up the music.

“But i just bought the pack, just this pack?” Tanaka shook his head.

“You wouldn’t look good with your hair falling out.” The stool didn’t sit on his ass well, he shifted uncomfortably. Tanaka eyed him suspiciously and raised an eyebrow. Yuu rolled his eyes.

“Don’t ask.” He huffed and turned away. His phone screen flashed

 

SugaMaMa) YOU SMOKED.

Yuu ground his teeth and turned toward his ‘friend’ grunting. “You fucking ass.” Tanaka just smiled widely. 

“Can’t hit a guy in a wheelchair.”

“Can’t you just let a deaf man live?”

“What does it look like i’m doing.”

“Oh fuck you.”

 

Yuu) Like five since you RAIDED my home.

SugaMaMa) It’s never a good sign, you only smoke when you're stressed out. It doesn’t make you less stress. And you have to save up for that ring, you can’t keep doing this to yourself. Is it your dad? Is it proposing? Is it something else? Just tell us and stop being an idiot.

Yuu) I hate all of my friends. But out of all of them, you are the worst. 

SugaMaMa) I’m not mad, i’m just dissapointed.

Yuu) Jesus christ. Would you just let me decide something? I can take care of myself. I won’t buy another pack after this one, deal?

SugaMaMa) No deal. You said that last time too.

Yuu) Want me to waste a perfectly good pack?

SugaMaMa) Yes, i do. And there is one person i will tell who is even scarier than me. Your soon to be mother in law.

Yuu) You wouldn’t

SugaMaMa) Throw it out, or i call her.

Yuu) You can’t do this, she’ll kill me.

SugaMaMa) Yeaup.

Yuu) I can’t just throw them away.

SugaMaMa) She has been contacted, expect a casserole and a coffin. <3

 

“Tanaka i hope you know that you are not invited to my funeral.” Tanaka looked up from his phone. He didn’t seem to understand. “Suga just told Asahi’s mom.” Tanaka went silent for a second, then let out the loudest laugh, he slammed his hand on the table. 

“You’re screwed!” Yuu rubbed his face with his hands. Maho would kill him. When she found out he was doing drugs when he was still in highschool she had thrown a fit. She had lectured him, entered him in a center, and made sure he recovered. It was the scariest thing that has ever happened. If she found out that he fell off the wagon she would most likely develop supernatural powers that would allow her to breath fire and murder him. He shuddered.

“I’m actually going to die. Like, she’s going to kill me.” Tanaka laughed in his chair.

“She was the only one that was able to get you to quite last time. Might as well have her do it again.”

 

-oOo-

 

“Welcome back Yuu!” Oh dear god. Not this soon. He thought as a chill ran up his spine. He just got home from his shift. One of the more busier days. Why anyone would decide to make a Wednesday a busy day was beyond him. He hated Wednesdays. He knew she was coming too, which made him anxious all the way home. There was a slim chance she’d be there and here she was. And by the looks of it Asahi wasn’t home. Even worse, but also good. As far as he knew Asahi didn’t know about his secret smoking. It was soft from behind him. Which made things worse because if he was going to have to have this conversation he’d rather it not be with him straining to hear and staring at her mouth in concentration. He groaned. Taking off his things at the door, and slowly walking to the dinner table. He fiddled with his hands, apprehensive. Maho was always one to make him nervous, as much as he loved her and she cared for him she was terrifying, tall, strong, and a really good person and it just over all intimidated him. He was not a good person. He was impulsive and loud, and self medicating. HE held grudges and didn’t forgive easy, he was blunt, and in comparison to Maho he just felt guilty even being around her.

“Hello. I wasn’t expecting you to be here.” He said, his eyes trying desperately to stay and look her in the face.

“Cut the shit Yuu. I know you started smoking again. And so does Asahi. Why would you do that? What happened? You were doing so good? Did something happen? Asahi said he wasn’t smoking and thank god for that but Yuu i really care about you and your hurting yourself again.” Her voice might as well made his hair stand twice as end as it already was. He felt his face flush and his whole body get warm. He didn’t know exactly why, other then he was really stressed. Like butterflies were in his stomach all the time. His mom had contacted him and he had a couple smokes for a couple weeks but got off them again, it was easy he got used to her because she apologized as much as she could and she wasn’t the worst of it. His dad though, his dad had been the one to do all of it. He felt so alone, and he was just a kid. It brought back so many things that never would have happened if his dad had just tried to accept him, or even just let him live in a house that was his.

“My dad got in touch with me.” He said softly. Maho’s expression changed, her eyes softening and her lips tightening. “He’s not really sorry. It was more than cigarettes for a couple weeks…. We got together after Daichi raided the house and got rid of everything.” He coughed. “But i guess i still felt like i had to smoke.” Maho nodded. She sat down, and Yuu took that as his cue to do the same. She grabbed his hands.

“Some people can’t change, as much as they want to. He may be stuck in his ways, he may regret not having you around, he may love you as much as he did before. But some people can’t change, they are hardened, and you don’t have to forgive someone who took your childhood away, even if it looks like they are trying.”

“I know.” He felt tears prickling behind his vision. “I know.” He laughed trying to brush it off. “It’s not like i forgave him, i kind of stormed out. Mm” Should he tell. “I told him i was going to marry Asahi.” Maho’s hands tightened. A look of happy shock crossed her vision.

“Y-you what?”

“I’m going to propose to Asahi. I’m sorry i should have told you. I found the ring.” Maho’s face was also turning tearful.

“Sweet fucking Christ, really?” Yuu nodded. She quickly pulled her hands away and placed them over her mouth and then quickly put it down. “That’s, he’s going to say yes. Dear god, my babies are growing up.” Yuu laughed his breath still wet from impending tears. “Okay. i. I’m really happy about this, but i also came here to scold you and i don’t know how to do that when you just told me you wanted to marry my son.” She sniffled a little bit. “God damnit Yuu.” She took a deep breath in. “You really need to take care of yourself.” She wiped her eyes. “Here’s the deal, I love you, i think of you as part of our family, and i am so happy that you are doing this, but you need to get help. You need help with your addiction, go to a group. Go to a therapist, get a sponsor. Just do something. I didn’t do something and almost died from an overdose. You got a lot more problems than just cigarettes and street drugs. I can understand what your going through, and it’s really hard, and all you want to do when you're stressed is one of those things, but it’s a never ending circle honey, it’s a never ending circle that you will regret when you get to be my age. It’s a never ending circle my son will suffer through with you to the end, and as much as i love you honey, i can’t let him make the same mistake my husband did. Get help, then i’ll give you my blessings.” Yuu sat a little stunned in his seat. Maho never really talked about her addiction. She’d mentioned it. Her husband would mention it, Asahi would mention it, but he didn’t know that she really deeply did know what he felt like. And he hated that, he hated that he didn’t have an excuse to be mad at her, to scream and yell and storm away and keep on smoking and doing drugs behind Asahi’s back. But he knew that if he did that it would only make Asahi hurt. And she was right, he couldn’t do that to the love of his life. It was selfish. His brain was fucking up and he needed to get help. Maybe for more than just the drugs and addiction, more than the cigarettes and the way he relied on alcohol a little more than the rest of his friends did. He needed this family. He couldn’t push them away, they loved him more than his own did.

Yuu nodded as he tried to hold on to the moment by gripping harshly onto the table. “I’m so proud you ever went through rehab and groups in the first place honey, but you could stand another big push, maybe i could too. I’ll send you some information. Keep in touch with me and we’ll make this all right.” He stared at her mouth, the way it always found itself in a warm forgiving smile, it was always genuine, always giving him another chance. It sent a warmth through him.

“Okay,” He gulped, “Yeah, your right. I- I’ll find someone or something. God knows i could use it.” He paused a moment trying to loosen his grip on the table. “Thank you. You’ve always been so kind to me, don’t think i’d be alive today if it wasn’t for you.”

“You’ve always been a fighter. I saw it in you when Asahi first brought you over. You were so smitten, so blunt about it he blushed for days. You had determination in your eyes and even when your were heading down the road to death’s door i could still see it. You don’t give up. You’re a fighter, You protect those around you by protecting yourself. Don’t forget about yourself.” She squeezed his hand and smiled with her head on her fist. “I’m sure you’d have found a way to get through it even if i wasn’t here, but you can be sure i’m making it easier on you. In my youth my mother sent me out of the house before i even finished school, like you, but i was stubborn i had a backpack and gym membership for my home.”

“OH i caan’t imagine.” He said sarcastically. He had seen old disposable camera pictures of his boyfriend's mom in random places all across japan. She always loved to go on road trips. “But thank you. I think i have some more to work out than to much Marlboro.” He feigned a laugh and smile. She saw right through him.

“You ever need to talk just give me ring, well, text i guess. Asahi taught me some but i pretty much only know the alphabet-”

“You can finger spell, but i can still hear quite a bit more than some people can. Although i do get kind of tired.” Maho nodded.

“I bet, i mean it’s like if someone who was nearsighted didn’t have any glasses for there whole life.”

“Kinda.” Maho placed her hands face down on the table and smiled.

“But anyways, Asahi is going to be back soon. We should scare him.” Yuu’s laughter was delayed but loud, and Maho’s even louder. They howled as they made their way to the kitchen, where they proceeded to make something special for dinner that night, making jokes and talking about life till Asahi came through the door and jumped in surprise. They both laughed and shared in a high five. Yuu bounding up to his boyfriend and giving him a giant hug, more like a bounce and being carried over awkwardly to Asahi’s mom who was losing it behind her hand. It was a good day in the end.

 

-oOo-

 

There was something about going that day without a cigarette that set his bones on fire that hadn’t for past couple days. It was hard. And Asahi was there and so was his giant color wheel of friends but this day was awful. And there wasn’t even a reason for it. It was Saturday, because of course it had to be a Saturday that sucked, the best day of the week had to go and screw him over. To be fair it was only 3 am on that Saturday but it was absolutely awful. He was so on edge he had managed to make his teeth chatter and his legs were vibrating because he was so restless he couldn’t sleep. He had hit the point of wanting to kill someone for a cigarette like three days ago but now it was just worse. It was just so much worse because everything he was thinking was being drowned out by the rational voice but still felt with so much feeling. He wanted to do something to stop all of the stupid annoying thoughts passing through like the busiest fastest highway he had ever seen. But it was 3 am. He grunted and ground his teeth together shaking his legs to just get some sort of stimulation he grabbed his phone and turned the brightness way way down.

Yuu) Are you awake? 

Yuu) Are you asleep? 

Yuu) Are you with your boyfriend? 

Yuu) What’s up?

Ryuu) Well i was asleep. But apparently you're just going to keep texting me.

Yuu) I need to do something. My teeth are chattering. I feel like i’m dying.

Ryuu) You’ve said that all week. Go back to sleep.

Yuu) I fucking can’t! I need to do something now or im going to explode.

Ryuu) No you don’t, just calm down. Go back to sleep.

Yuu) I haven’t slept at all Ryuunosuke, you bitch. I have barely slept all week. I can feel every fucking muscle in my body, i swear to god if i don’t do something i will kill you first.

Ryuu) Well what the hell do you want me to do?

Yuu) I don’t know. I want to cry i don’t know.

Ryuu) I’m sighing very loudly.

Yuu) I’m dying very loudly.

Yuu jumped, the arm around him had apparently been to sneaky for him to notice and he cursed himself silently for waking Asahi up. The arm kept going forward over him till the dim light was turned on and Yuu’s eyes burned with the sudden brightness. Asahi seemed to do the same and groaned while rubbing his eyes. He pulled them away and signed. //You don’t have to go to sleep if you can’t sleep, you can do something.//

//Like smoke? If i’m not in bed i’m one step closer to danger.//

//You are vibrating Yuu. Can you please just tell me what you need?// Yuu sighed and looked closely at his boyfriend. His hair was tousled in ways that defied gravity, his skin was lightly tanned but his eyes held dark bags under them. He assumed it was his fault.

Ryuu) UHHHHHHG i’m going to bed

Yuu frowned at his phone. And then looked back towards his boyfriend. //I want to walk. Or run.//

//Alone?// Asahi asked sleepily.

//No, i’ll just smoke.// Asahi groaned and rubbed his eyes.

//I’ll come with you.// Yuu felt a pang of guilt tear through his gut at that.

//No no no, you’re tired, just go to sleep i’ll just do something in the living room. Watch tv or play a game or do jumping jacks okay i don’t want to wake you up.// Asahi nodded and yawned.

//You sure?// Yuu nodded and hopped out of bed. //I love you.//

//I love you more.//

As soon as he stepped into the living room he let out a long breath. His teeth stopped chattering. First thing he did was open up all of the windows. The wind rushed at him and he felt the muggy chill on his skin and sighed again. That helped. Maybe he’d just sleep on the couch. His swet pants dragged on the floor as he walked over to the couch. He turned on the tv. To some random channel showing re runs. He tried to close his eyes. No. Still nothing. They had wanted to organize the movie shelf right? And that’s how Asahi found him passed out on the floor and late for class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also i'm thinking of doing some more Haikyuu fics but i need to plan and planning is awful. my plan for this fic is six pages and i don't have everything i need to remember in their either.


	20. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobio pov

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a really shitty short chapter. i don't know why it took me so long to update. behind on some school stuff but mostly it's just that i'm working on the middle of this story instead of working on it in a linear fashion i'm bouncing around. So right now in the story it is from the 2nd to the 8th of may. The biggest stuff in this story that i am looking forward to actually writing happens in June. June 21 is the end of this act. But again sorry for the really shitty chapter this week. And for not updating. I'm taking November off for NaNoWriMo, and i might be bad at updating this month as well since i am going to be doing Inktober. But hopefully i can update once a week. I started another Haikyuu story to procrastinate on this one. After November i'll probably start posting that one as well. Hope that this is okay enough satiate you all for a week.

Tobio didn’t know what to say to his mother. She was blabbering on about her new family all the woes of her life and all the ups. He couldn’t get a word in, didn’t really know what he would say if he could anyways. So he let her talk. Sipping on his green tea at his own work, Suga watching from the table. It was a sudden change in atmosphere when her eyes darkened and her lips drew into a tight and thin frown. “It’s been hard you know, on my own. My family is all well and good but- My son he’s, he’s not doing too well. And with me only working part time to take care of him and my husbands pay at the mill it’s….I can’t afford the treatment he needs.” Tobio looked up from his tea. He didn’t have much money. But if she needed some, he guessed he could afford it. She may have hurt him but she was trying. It looked like she was trying, she was his mom. He loved her. “I’ll pay you back as soon as i can get my own money, it’s embarrassing to ask you this but, if you can help. Anything helps.” His mother clutched her hands together and bit her lip. He nodded.He could spare some money, it was his mom, and… his half brother. Of course he could spare a little cash.

“How much do you need? I don’t have too much.” As he pulled out his wallet he saw Suga’s expression darken just the slightest bit. He ignored it and looked to see how much cash he had. Not much. He could write her a check… or he could make a withdrawal.

“Anything helps.” She pleaded again. Tobio pulled out all the cash he had from his wallet and handed it to her.

“I can get you a bit more if you need some. But i hope this helps a bit.” his mother thankfully snatched the cash from his hands and got up from the table to bend down and pull him up into a strong and boney hug. Was his mother really this boney? He hugged back lightly, not sure what to make of the sudden contact. He hadn’t actually hugged his mother like this in years. It was kind of surreal.

“Thank you Tobio, thank you thank you so much! I love you, thank you.” I love you. He rolled the word around in his head. How long had it been since he had heard his mom say that? How long had it been since his dad had said that? He tried to make his body less stiff when she let go, holding her hands on his shoulders just looking at him, but it didn’t work; he was still hung up on those words. If she loved him, why did she leave? Then again, why didn’t his dad say he loved him when Tobio took care of him for years? He knew the answer to that one. “You don’t know how much this means to me and my family.” Tobio felt the tug in his stomach when she said it. He wasn’t her family anymore, she wasn’t his. But, he wished he was.

“I’m happy i could help a little.” His mother nodded and breathed loudly through her nose. Suga was giving her a dirty look from the counter. Tobio looked between them for a moment before settling on his mom again. “I have to get to work again soon.”

“Of course. Thank you again, Tobio. You come and see me soon okay?” Tobio nodded and before he could say anything else his mom was walking out the door of the cafe. Suga walked over to him with his arms crossed and his eyes lingering on his mom, who was calling someone outside of their window. He looked skeptical.

“What?” He asked. Suga took one more glance at his mom and then focused fully on him. His eyebrows furrowed and his lips pursed.

“She asked you for money?” Suga asked, his voice bitter. Tobio shrugged. What was his deal? “Why did she ask you for money? Drugs?”

“She’s my mom. Her kid needed surgery. It’s the least i could do!” Suga looked shocked for second before curling in on himself more.

“Yeah, well i don’t trust her.”

“Well what do you know? I grew up with her.” Suga rolled his eyes.

“You mean she left you because your dad got sick. What kind of a mother does that?” He took a step back, surprised at what Suga was saying. His fists were clenched.

“What the hell? You were the one that said i should go!” Suga scoffed and walked back to the counter.

“I don’t trust her.” Tobio held his rage. Grabbing his bag and storming out of the door after his mom.


	21. Chapter 20...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keiji's point of view. TW for sexually harrasment, and happy trans on trans sad depression talks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so normally i would have done Akaashi's entire week in this chapter but with what is going to go down in the next chapter ;) i don't think that would be the best idea. Come back soon for...ULTRA SADNESS 9000
> 
> This fic is severely unedited. And i'm a shit speller so bear with me here till i can edit it after i finish this act. Which will probably be in December. Depending on how fast i write. This fic comes in three acts and this is just the first one. so happy that you guys are staying with me. means a lot. hopefully i can get one more chapter out before November. so i can leave you guys with big ass cliffhanger ;).

Keiji had been avoiding talking to Bokuto. He had been waiting for him to calm down and talk to him. Obviously that wasn’t his way. But over the weekend and into tuesday he realized that he needed to talk to him. They never went more than a day without talking. And even that was hard for Bokuto. This wasn’t healthy. They needed to talk. He couldn’t sleep. He kept leaving work early because Suga said he looked like shit.

 

He had gotten dozens of texts from Kuroo telling him that he really needed to talk to Bokuto soon. That if they wanted to end things they at least needed to have closure for it. But Keiji didn’t want to end things. That was the last thing he wanted to do. His head was just swirling with all of the things he had done wrong and he couldn’t get the words out tell him how fucking sorry he was. How much he regretted thinking that Bokuto was some helpless person to be pitied. Because he wasn’t. And it wasn’t right that he thought that, that he treated him like a child. He felt so bad about it that the thought of talking to him had him choking on his words, and the thought of not talking to him had put him into a cloudy daze all that week. He didn’t know where to start. What to do to make this better.

 

He shivered as the door flew open. Jarring him out of his thoughts, he looked in front of him. The customer was wearing a wolfish grin, his off white shirt untucked only part way and he was wearing a winter jacket on one of the hottest days of the year. He was really tall. Keiji had to strain his neck to look him in the eye. He was sweating profusely. “Welcome,” He greeted. The costumer’s grin grew wider and Keiji could track his eyes outlining his body. He didn’t notice how far in he had curled in on himself till Suga patted him on the shoulder. He turned around. He had that fake smile on his face.

 

“I’ll take this one Akaashi. Can you put more muffins on the display rack for me?” Keiji nodded and turned around sharply to go grab them from the oven. “What can i get for you today?” Keiji couldn’t hear the rest before he entered the back. That was weird. No one has ever looked at him like that. It felt cold. He wished Bokuto was here.

 

“You okay?” Suga asked suddenly while he was taking care of the display. The costumer was sitting by one of the front window tables, staring at the both of them. Keiji hadn’t been able to relax since he had walked through the door.

 

“Yeah. Why?” Suga sighed and placed his weight onto his elbows, he looked at the shop with fondness before looking back down at Keiji.

 

“You’re such a liar.” Keiji didn’t say anything. Instead he focused all of his energy on making sure the scones were at the perfect angle, instead of listening to Suga criticise his life again, or the man who was making him feel nauseous. He finished with the display, he tried to steal his nerves. Everything from this past week and the future were building up a volcano of anxiety inside him. There was a ding from the back. Suga’s head turned and he jumped. “Keiji can you man the front while i get that?” Keiji gave half a nod before the other went rushing to the oven. The wave got bigger. The man stared at him grinning. He took another sip of his drink. His eyes drove right through him, still taking glances lower and lower and then back up again lower and lower and then a smirk. Keiji gulped. The man waved his hand, calling him over. He really didn’t want to go over there but the man hadn’t done anything to actually make Keiji nervous, it was just the way he was looking, and it probably wasn’t intentional. He was being ridiculous, but he was still nervous. He didn’t like people eyeing him like that. He ducked through the side and slowly walked over to his customer.

 

“Can i get you anything, sir?” Keiji asked, with as much formality and chipperness he could give. The man ran his finger along the rim of his mug. He nodded and gave a low grunt.

 

“Think i could get one of those muffins? Didn’t think they’d smell so good till you brought them out. But maybe that isn’t just the muffins. You wear perfume?” Keiji gave a nervous laugh and shook his head.

 

“No, I don’t. But I can get you a muffin quick.” The man gave a hearty laugh, he stopped tracing the rim of his mug.

 

“Sure, sure, should have guessed that you’re all natural.” Keiji coughed away the tremble in his voice.

 

“I’ll be right back, sir.” He bagn to walk away when a hand laced around his bicep. There was a clatter and a squeak as the table was moved.

 

“Wait,” He said. Keiji looked back at him. “You pass pretty well for a tranny, tell me, where do you get your stuff?” Before the man had finished his sentence Keiji was struggling to get a hand out from under his shirt. He pulled quickly away but as he did so the shirt tore. The man laughed. He was on the floor and everyone was staring at him. “I knew it. Fags like you shouln’t be working in a nice place like thi-”

 

“Hey!” Keiji scrambled backwards and picked himself up off of the ground. Tears were forming at his eyes. He was hyperventilating. Oikawa had stormed over and grabbed the customer by the wrist. “You think that’s okay? To sexually assault an employee just because he happens to be trans?” The man tore his wrist away and oikawa grabbed it again. His face was feirce, dark. “Do you want me to call the police?” The man laughed and managed to pull his wrist away fully this time, he stuffed his hands in his pockets.

 

“Well are you going to or what? I’ve got time.” Oikawa turned towards Akaashi.

 

“Would you like me to?” He said it with a fondness he hadn’t ever seen from him. Keiji shook his head quickly and covered himself with his arms. He was going to cry. He looked around at the customer's staring at him. There were hands placed on his shoulders.

 

“Come on Keiji. Let’s go.” He was pulled gently from the front. He could still hear Oikawa reprimanding the man. But once he was in that back room he let himself start to cry. Shaky sobs into his palms as he sat on a small bench. The arms around his shoulders didn’t release as he leaned into them. Everyone saw him and his binder. It wasn’t appropriate, someone hands up his shirt and then him on the floor. He should be fired, he’d get complaints. He wailed harder at the thought. “Keiji, breath with me. Breath.” Everyone knew now. All of his co workers, everyone. Everyone would know. All of their regular customers. He crossed his arms over himself and leaned into Suga’s chest. His teeth were chattering and he just couldn’t calm down. Suga was rocking him as he cried.

 

“I want to go home.” He sobbed into Suga’s chest. That’s all he wanted. He just wanted to hide.

 

“I put his picture on the shame board. Is he okay?” Oikawa was back with them. With just two people out there they’d be understaffed. He started to breath faster. He was making a fool out of himself he shouldn’t be crying about this.

 

“Do you have another shirt?” Suga asked. Keiji tried to quiet his sobs, but he just resorted to high pitched hiccups instead.

 

“Yeah. It’s in the bag under the bench.” The arms around him left and was quickly replaced with a cool cloth. He quickly pulled it on and crossed his arms.

 

“He’s not planning to work again is he? I can drive him home.” Oikawa had never been this nice. “Want a ride Akaashi?” He nodded hesitantly as he worked through his sobs. “Okay, that’s okay right Suga?”

 

“Yeah. shops closing soon anyways. You got all your stuff?” Keiji pointed a shaky hand at the mismatched lockers they had moved in there. Suga stood up.

 

“I’m not going to think of your differently. I wanted you to know that.” Keiji looked up at Oikawa and blushed bringing on his sobs again. He was so pathetic. 

 

“Here.” Suga nudged the backpack next to him. “You good to go? Need anything else?” Keiji shook his head and stood up. Everything was cold, the wind drifted everywhere on his skin. He felt exposed. He wanted to sit back down. The hugged his backpack to his chest. “Okay. I’m coming over after work to check on you.” Suga said, his tone soft but stern. Keiji nodded again and started to slowly follow behind Oikawa.

 

In the car he felt only a tad bit safer, less exposed. He leaned his head against the window and tried to take deep breaths. Oikawa remained eerily quiet for a good two minutes before he finally spoke. Keiji couldn’t tell if it was a good or bad thing. “I had my surgery three years ago,” He said, his face remaining blank as he kept his eyes on the road. The cars lit up the humid duck with their blinkers and headlights. Keiji didn’t look anywhere else but the road either. “I was really depressed before then. Dysphoria can really get to you. Iwa-chan helped me a lot that year. He took care of me when I was recovering from the surgery. And before then I couldn’t even get out of bed because I just felt so sad. If I didn’t have him as my friend I probably would have been dead by now.” Keiji looked up. He hadn’t known. Hadn’t even suspected that the perfect pretty boy could be like him. It puzzled him so much because he had always wanted to be that...perfect as a guy. He stared in confusion. “You really didn’t know?” Oikawa asked. Keiji shook his head and wiped a tear away. “I thought everyone knew. Oh well. It isn’t anyone else’s business. That’s why I don’t think that you should worry, about that at least. I’ll defend you,” Oikawa gave a giant cheesy smile and a wink. He chuckled and went back to staring intently out the window. Keiji sat back in his chair. Oikawa wasn’t the person he thought he was at all. “Is your surgery coming up then?” Keiji clutched himself and nodded. Just a couple more weeks now. He was so close to being real. “Do me a favor. Don’t think of it as some saving grace to get you to be a real guy. You always have been no matter how you have looked or thought. It really doesn’t matter as much as you being happy and believing yourself will. It won’t help you feel happy again.”

 

Out of nowhere he asked a question. “Then what made you happy?” The car was silent for a while. Then Oikawa smiled softly. He didn’t look Keiji in the eye, and neither did he really seem to be fixating on the road. It was hazy. He said, “I’m not.” He sighed. “Not yet. But I plan to be. I’m better than I was and that’s because i figured out some things but,” Another sigh. He tilted his head from side to side in a sort of makeshift shrug. “I guess you can’t start really being happy until you start fixing things.”

 

There was some more silence. Keiji shifted in his seat. HE didn’t really know what to say but then they had reached his apartment. “Talk to Bokuto for me Akaashi. For yourself also.” Keiji nodded quietly.

 

“Thanks for the ride.” Oikawa hummed and smiled so wide his eyes crinkled closed.

 

“You’re buying me a drink this weekend!” And there was the Oikawa he really knew. A smug asshole who will drive off without a goodbye. Keiji laughed as he stood on the road. He brought his hands to his face and shook his head. This, this was a really shitty day. All he wanted to do was lay down and cry his eyes out. But he could at least make a plan for a better tomorrow. At least he could still do that. He’d call Bokuto in the morning.


	22. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo's pov. TW for suicide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so badly done but i did it in a day. if you stick around long enough i'll edit it to be not as bad. hope you cry.

It had been several days of Koutarou being in a funk. Being dramatic about everything, his tics were really bad. Koutarou didn’t admit it but Tetsurou could hear him having an attack the night before. He’d expected it to last until Akaashi finally called him back or texted him or anything, but, the past couple days were weird. Koutarou wouldn’t stop smiling. It was ridiculous how much he was smiling. He had made them go out for dinner with Kenma. He had persuaded Tetsurou to play mario kart for four hours until Koutarou had passed out on the couch on his own. He was being so happy and just like he was a couple days ago. But the worst part was that Tetsurou could see through all of it. Years of being his friend had left him with knowing how Koutarou really felt. When he was happy he was dramatic and pouty and emotional and enthusiastic beyond compare. But now he was just happy, nothing else, no arguments or yelling just picture perfect happy. And it was annoying as all hell. Even Kenma who had learned to deal with his friends antics had to leave. He was acting like a middle aged suburban dad who just found out he was divorcing his wife after christmas. There was too much enthusiasm and so much emphasis on things being perfect. Koutarou had cooked them dinner that night. He had actually liked the dinner, Koutarou was a great cook. But he could hear him crying as he scraped all of his food off his plate because it wasn’t good enough.

 

Tetsurou hadn’t been able to stop himself from nagging Akaashi to just do something to make Koutarou stop acting so weird. But he hadn’t answered any of his texts. And it was such a typical Akaashi thing to do. Avoiding any confrontation. Both of his friends faults were making this be dragged out much longer than it needed to be and frankly it was pissing him the hell off.

 

He sat on the couch, not really listening to the movie they had started. He was paying attention to Koutarou, who had passed out across the couch, making himself comfortable in Tetsurou’s lap. His oddly dyed hair lax and sprawled haphazardly in his face. Koutarou’s muscles twitched lightly in his sleep. His mouth was open and his hands were digging into his chin. He looked tired. There were bags under his eyes. His fingertips were purple. He’d always get cold when he was on his medication. Tetsurou also noticed something else. His shirt was bunched up on the side, Tetsurou could see his hip, and just below the elastic band of his shorts he saw the tips of fresh cuts. It had happened so much throughout their friendship that all he could feel towards them was exasperation. It wasn’t Koutarou’s fault that he felt this way. HE worked really hard to be able to handle all of his stuff. Tetsurou was far from perfect at doing his own. But the self destructiveness clashed so much with the rest of his personality that it just felt like he could stop. Tetsurou knew it wasn’t that simple but it was hard to think of it as anything harder than stopping biting your fingernails when you’ve been exposed to it for so long. Tetsurou didn’t like that he felt that way. If Koutarou treated his lows and highs like Tetsurou thought of his cutting he’d probably be dead. There was a lot of time put into each other. Tetsurou had never had a friend he was this close too. Koutarou stirred and sat up quickly. His mouth opened and closed as he stared blankly forward. He yawned and looked over, sending a tired smile his way. He pulled down his shirt. “What happened in the movie?” he asked. 

 

“Bucky died.” Koutarou’s mouth dropped open. Tetsurou tried to contain his laugh.

 

“What! They can’t do that.” He said. His face turned red. “I’m gonna cry now.”

 

“And captain america turned into an angel and rode off into the sunset with ironman on the hulks back.” Koutarou glared at him.

 

“You are so mean to me all the time. What did i do?”

 

“A lot of things.” Tetsurou chuckled. Koutarou pouted his lips and crossed his arms.

 

“You’re just jealous.” Tetsurou didn’t respond. He thought about the cuts he’d seen throughout the years. He sighed.

 

“Kou, are you okay? Are you safe?” He asked. Koutarou looked taken aback.

 

“Yeah,” He said like he was surprised Tetsurou was asking. “I’m fine. I mean being away from Akaashi this long really sucks. But i’m safe. I’m,” There was a slight pause and quiver before he said, “fine.” He decided not to push it farther. Tetsurou took it in.

 

“Okay.” He said. “Good.”

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


Kenma, Tetsurou, and Koutarou had all gone out to get takeout. They weren’t supposed to but Koutarou had insisted. He had something about making this night ‘the best night ever’. They went with it. Anything to cheer Koutarou up. On the way back to the apartment Tetsurou and Kenma chatted endlessly, well, it was more Tetsurou and Kenma making indistinguished ‘hmms’. They both noticed the silence from Koutarou. How his eyes were glossy and lost. They tried to ignore it. Bring him into the conversation as much as they could, but he wasn’t taking it. Tetsurou snapped his fingers in front of his face. “Knock knock Kou.”Koutarou looked up and give a big cheesy grin.

 

“You remember that song that goes like,” Koutarou hummed a theme. Upbeat and poppy. Neither of them recognized it.

 

“No, sorry Kou.” Koutarou shrugged his shoulders and went back to staring at the ground. His face turning back into the faded expression from a moment before.

 

“It doesn’t matter then.” It was barely above a whisper.

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


After Kenma had gone home, he had gone to bed. Koutarou said he’d clean up and Tetsurou didn’t argue. He was dead tired. Koutarou had made them both stay up past they expected to play some video games, and then a board game, and then he showed them a thousand videos on his phone, and made them all milkshakes. It was overboard. Tetsurou attributed it to him trying to cheer himself up. He couldn’t sleep either way. Something just felt off about the house and he tossed and turned for an hour before he was finally able to close his eyes. There was the sound of soft music playing. He could ignore it. It was really happy music, just like regular Koutarou. He laughed in his sleep. He really hoped he would get out of his rut. The dark drifted closer. A thousand tiny fragments of something hit the floor. Tetsurou sat up straight. What the hell was that? He sat on the end of his bed and listened. Gripping onto his sheets and straining his ears. And then he heard the sobs.

 

Tetsurou threw open the door to Koutarou’s room. His hands shook. He couldn’t be. He couldn’t be. He kept repeating. Closing his eyes until the door was completely open. His best friend's body was on the floor. His medication bottles on the floor and empty. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket. It rang and rang before someone finally picked up. He was crying now to. He couldn’t breath. He couldn’t believe this was really happening. He could barely get the words out. “Kou, Kou. Please stay awake, Kou. someone’s coming to get you.” The man on the other end of the line was trying to calm him down but he couldn’t calm down. He was watching his best friend die in front of his eyes. “Please Kou.” His eyes were drooping, his breathing becoming extremely slow. Tetsurou rocked, he took hold of Koutarou’s hand as he waited on the phone. “I love you. I’m sorry. Please stay awake. Please.” He heard the sirens blaring, getting closer by the second. They still weren’t fast enough. He held Koutarou in his arms and shook him. “Stay awake you idiot.” He heard the door open. This shouldn’t have happened.


	23. chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hopsital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYYYY I'M BACK Y'ALL.
> 
> Changing my formatting for this story slightly but i will let you know the timeline in my next update :)  
> K hope you enjoy!

Akaashi,” Keiji reached for his phone in the middle of the night. His face crusty from tears, and his blankets absolutely filthy from him neglecting to wash them. As soon as he heard that voice his heart started to race. And his stomach was filled with dread. “You’ve got to get here.” He bolted from his bed and started to dress.

 

“What happened?” He asked. Kuroo let out a pathetic whine.

 

“It’s Kou, please. It’s kou. He- He tried to,” The sobs wouldn’t let him speak. Keiji knew immediately what he had tried to do. He haphazardly threw on his shirt and ran from his room. “Akaashi, i don’t know if he’s gonna make it.” Keiji wouldn’t believe that. He couldn’t. He was at the hospital. He was gonna be okay. He had to be.

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


The hospitals lighting contrasted against the dark night. Keiji was a mess as he burst into the building and frantically looked around for Kuroo. He was sweating horrendously, his hair sticking up in places you wouldn’t think it could. Only one shoes was on all the way. As soon as he spotted the messy tuft of black hair in the back of the waiting room he all but ran. The man cried in the corner, his knees up to his chest as he rocked back and forth. Akaashi went over and held him in his arms. “Kuroo, what happened? What did they say? Is he okay? Can we see him?” Kuroo held onto him.

 

“I don’t know yet.” He sobbed. “Akaashi he. He. I - I went in he was, there was-” AKaashi pushed his head into his chest. He didn’t want him to say any more. A nurse came into view in front of them.

 

“Kuroo? It says here you’re his emergency contact. Bokuto Koutarou is in stable condition. His stomach was pumped. He’s going to be fine. We are going to have him on a 72 hour hold to make sure he doesn’t try it again. I recommend that when he is released he has one person with him at all times. Would you like to come back and see him? He’s just woken up from the anesthetic. But he’ll probably be asleep.” Kuroo jumped up at the chance to see his friend. Keiji being pulled along as they walked to his room. He didn’t want to see this.

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


“Why do you do it?” Keiji found himself asking. It was a month or two after he had first found out why his boyfriend wore those stupid knee pads. They hadn’t ever really gone on a proper date. Even for how confidant high school Bokuto was he didn’t really like going to fancy restaurants. He was much more of a homebody then anyone would originally guess. They both were sprawled out on the carpet of Bokuto’s room. Keiji was trying to calm him down after a tic attack. It always scared him when they happened. It looked so unnatural, and terrifying, and painful. Bokuto said it wasn’t the worst. His boyfriend turned to him and smiled.

 

“Do what, Akaashi?” Keiji shrugged and pulled his hand away. It was getting dark. He’d have to go back to his house soon.

 

“Cut yourself.” The sentence set off a couple of his smaller tics. Slamming his elbows against the carpet, clenching his neck, clearing his throat. If you didn’t know the pattern, you wouldn’t have guessed it was what Keiji had said that set him off.

 

“I can’t control anything else, I guess.”

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


Kuroo rushed over to Bokuto’s bedside, he grasped for his hands, kissing them and sobbing as he watched his best friend lying helpless on the hospital bed. Keiji felt his heart drop, his stomach roll, his mind whirl. If he’d just called sooner maybe- “Kou, Kou are you awake?” The man let out a groan. Opening his eyes and rolling his head around. Keiji noticed the small hand tic he did mostly when he was scared. Keiji didn’t move forward, staying in the doorway. It was like a wall was blocking him from getting any closer. But he wanted to bad to just hold him in his arms and tell him everything was going to be okay. But he couldn’t, so he just stood there, watching the love of his life try to groggily orient himself.

 

“I’m in the hospital.” He said, his voice was scratchy. Kuroo had visibly tried to stop himself from pouncing on his friend. Kuroo grasped onto his friend's hand so tightly his knuckles turned white.

 

“Kou, you tried to kill yourself again, you didn't tell me! I thought we agreed to talk to each other. And you just went about being yourself and didn’t tell me you were this sad. You didn’t even cut you just, you just tried to kill yourself! Why didn’t you tell me?” Bokuto hiccuped a tic, he looked around the room, sighing out.

 

“Mom called that morning. They weren’t called here were they?” Bokuto suddenly looked panicked at the mention of his parents. His facial tics picked up so it looked like he couldn’t keep his eyes on Kuroo at all. His lips quirking up in a scowl, then a smile, then as wide as it could go. “If they found out I tried again, they’ll disown me.” He too clutched Kuroo’s hand, he was trying to pull himself off his bed.

 

“Kou, Kou sit still, please.” Kuroo pressed on his chest and Bokuto, as calmly as he could, laid back down against his pillow. “Right now it’s only me as your emergency contact, your not a kid anymore, they won’t call your parents if you specified that they shouldn’t.” In that moment Bokuto’s gaze slided by the door. He locked eyes with Keiji. He tilted his head to the side.

 

“Akaashi? Y-you came?” Keiji couldn’t breath. The tear stained cheeks of his boyfriend glistened under the fluorescents, the bags under his eyes, amazingly, distracted him from his stupid hair, and he was too pale. Keiji felt his chest well up and his face get wet. If he had just called him maybe this wouldn’t have happened. If he’d just put down his pride for a second and realize that Bokuto can take care of himself even if he isn’t the most stable person Keiji had ever met, maybe he wouldn’t have tried this, maybe he wouldn’t have thought he’d be better off dead. Maybe if he had reported Bokuto’s parents to the police he’d never have to feel like he was one gigantic mistake. It was all his fault. He was selfish, he was the worst boyfriend in the entire world. And as he thought all this, the staff outside the door had gathered around, staring at the fully grown man cry his eyes out like a four year old having a temper tantrum in a grocery store. Yelling out all of these thoughts in a whirlwind of emotion.

 

“I- I’m so sorry.” He wailed. Kuroo who had snapped out of his momentary surprise to rush over and close the door, dragged Keiji over to Bokuto hospital bed and sat him down in an adjacent chair. Keiji really couldn’t help himself. Everything was just pouring out of him. He was a pathetic puddle of self pity. “I should have called you earlier. I wasn’t ever mad at you. I’m sorry, I - I - I should be able to trust you to take care of yourself. I should be a better boyfriend. I should let you see me naked, I shouldn’t control what you eat, or what you drink. I shouldn’t want to do everything for you because you are just as capable as I am, right? I- I’m so sorry. I love you, I’m so sorry.” Rough calloused fingers engulfed his bitten down bony ones. It was warm. Bokuto was always running a bit too hot. But they were dry and not sweaty. He looked up. Bokuto, too, had tears streaming down his face, his tongue popped out to lick away a few that got to close to his lips.

 

“Akaashi, come here so I can give you kisses.” He said through a sob. He did, hoping up on the side of the bed and letting Bokuto’s muscular figure engulf him, even if it was probably a bad idea to be on his hospital bed at the moment, he didn’t care. Bokuto pecked his ear, cheek, eyelids and lips before leaning against Keiji. “I’m sorry. I should be sorry. I was pathetic, I should have called. I’m sorry, to both of you I’m sorry.” They were a crying sausage fest. Kuroo punched Bokuto’s arm while wiping his tears away. The owl boy winced and held onto Keiji.

 

“Don’t ever do that again. I hate you. I hate that you hate yourself. I love you so much, bro. You’re so stupid sometimes i just want to beat you up but i can’t because you’re my best friend and you already do it to yourself. For the love of-” Bokuto was already pulling the man towards his chest for a hug.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want that to happen. I’m sorry I scared you.” Kuroo pushed him away. He said through a wet and teary voice…

 

“Stop apologizing, asshole. I’m sleeping here tonight and I’m not going to take your apologies for that long.” Bokuto suddenly perked up.

 

“What’s the sentence?” He asked, like trying to kill himself was something he did on an offhand occasion.

 

Keiji piped in, “72 hours.” Bokuto looked at him and pouted his lip.

 

“But i want to go home.” Keiji shook his head. Bokuto ground his teeth and pulled his arm that was around him away, so he could cross his arms. He clapped, but quickly, and haughtily, crossed them again. Sometimes, even though Keiji knew it was bad, but sometimes Bokuto was unable to look angry because his tics were just so joyful. It made him laugh despite the circumstances. Bokuto looked over at his best friend and put his hands up in a plea. “Can you bring my weighted blanket?”

 

“You never take that out of the house.” Kuroo said surprised.

 

“I can wash it. It’ll be okay if i wash it right?” Kuroo scoffed and nodded.

 

“Of course it will. I’ll get it for once I can actually get a friggen ride. I rode in the ambulance with you. Bokuto perked up.

 

“Was it cool?” Keiji could never quite get the image of freshman Bokuto out of his mind. He was sure that if he had met him any earlier, that would have been the permanent image of him. He was such a child.

 

“No! It wasn’t. You were fucking foaming at the mouth and your heart had fucking stopped!” Kuroo snapped. He crossed his arms and that sat down on the hospital bed. “But yeah I guess it was pretty cool.”

 

“Man, i never get to see ambulances from the inside.” Keiji scoffed.

 

“Funny, because you’re the only reason your friends ever see them.” Bokuto nudged him with his shoulder, but then full on pulled Keiji against his chest.

 

“It’s just not fair. I’m always passed out.”

 

Kuroo piped in, “well maybe when i’m old and have a heart attack you’ll get to come with me.”

 

“Nah, I’d die first.” Kuroo choked.

 

“You’re so fucking emo I want to slap you.”

  
Keiji had passed out in his boyfriends arms not twenty minutes later. Kuroo had fallen asleep on a tiny bench. And Bokuto was purring in his sleep. He was alive. He was alive. Was all Keiji could think as he slept.


	24. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Koutarou's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short :/ Also sorry i suck at updating this fic now. I just got to get back into rythm. or whatever. spelling is hard. bad mental health dya for focusing on how rods are ordered XD. Hope you enjoy.

 

“ **It’s crass it’s crass sorry sorry oh my god she’s a crack whore in a tarantula costume slap me slap me crackwhore betty eat my toes womp womp** ” he hit the sides of the matress with the backs of his hands, then the front, then the back twice, and then the front, clap twice, back, front, clap clap, snap snap, one two three, back back, front front. He was absolutely exhausted. And the med staff was exhausted with him. They kept talking about committing him. Kuroo wasn’t having any of it though. Constantly by Koutarou’s bedside. Akaashi hadn’t been around as much as Kuroo, but when he did show up, Koutarou got excited, because he always brought something with him. But today his tics were awful. It was the last day he would be spending in the hospital. And then of course he’d have to have a watch on him. Kuroo would insist on a ‘sleepover’ in the living room to make things less weird. Koutarou grumped in his bed, folding his arms with the little time he had in between tics and pouted. He missed his home, he wanted to take a shower. He hated hospitals. 

 

“Just a couple more hours and they’ll let us go, you don’t have to pout about it. Akaashi was thinking taking us out for ice cream to celebrate you getting out.” He was so tired with people everywhere around him. How it was never really completely dark. How he couldn’t tell if he was cold or if he was hot. He just wanted to go home, not out to eat food, he wanted his bed. He grunted and turned to face away from his best friend. “Aw come on, Kou.” He tried to swallow down the lump in his throat. But it didn’t work. A tiny hiccup escaped into the room.

 

“Can’t i just go home?” Kuroo’s eyebrows raised.

 

“Yeah, you don’t have to cry about it. We can celebrate another time.” Koutarou exhaled and hugged his pillow as he still cried. He really was emotional. He always was emotional and dramatic. Akaashi said that’s what he loved about him. Koutarou loved that Akaashi existed.

  
  


-oOo-

  
  


Going home from the hospital was a lot of extra emotional work then he really needed.  Getting home was even more annoying. He HAD to take a shower. And taking a shower while on the verge of a panic was terrible. Also taking a shower with your best friend sitting in the bathroom with you to make sure you don’t die was also horrible. At least they could joke about it. Dry humor, Gallows humor. Whatever you called it, the bounced jokes off of eachother until Koutarou didn’t feel so down and he could sit on the couch with a pint of ice cream and make inappropriate jokes about disney movies. He remembers Akaashi showing him ’twisted’ once, how Akaashi had to pause every now and then to explain what the captions weren’t telling him. But now he can’t get all the innuendos and jokes out of his head. And he think he made Kuroo turn just as crazy as he is. Koutarou grinned. “I am never watching a movie with you again.” Kuroo said through a fit of laughter.

 

“That is the saddest thing I have ever been told. You can’t say that to me. I was in the hospital. That’s bullying. I’ll call the cops.” Kuroo shoved him. Bokuto snorted and kicked his legs up. “ **Cracker jacks** ”

 

“You are the worst! I’m telling you, the worst!” Kuroo ended up on top of him, awkwardly wrestling a guy who, any other day, could kick his ass if he really wanted to, but now was giggling like a five year old, and had ice cream on his chin. His eyes droopy and glossy from sleepiness. It made Kuroo cackle. “Oh my god, you really should sleep.” Koutarou frowned.

 

“But then we wouldn’t be able to sing along to ‘take off your clothes’” Koutarou tried to hide his chuckle. God he was hilarious.

  
“That’s not what the song is called you dork. I’m going to have to beat Akaashi into the ground for showing you all those shitty musicals.” Koutarou pushed Kuroo off of him, almost sending him to the floor.

 

“Excuse you, they are art. Are you arist, huh?” Kuroo sighed through his laughter, clutching at his chest.

 

“Kou, how the fuck did you graduate high school?” It really was like a sleepover that night. The couch was a futon, because, obviously it was. Koutarou hogged the weighted blanket out of spite, Kuroo made them turn off Aladin mid movie. Kuroo was an even more wiggly sleeper then he was. Plus, he snored. He didn’t look like a snorer, but Kuroo could summon storms with his nose. It was disgusting. Maybe that was why Koutarou drew a dick on his face after trying to fall asleep for an hour, and not being able to. With the sharpie still in his hands, he fell asleep pressed against his best friend's shoulder. In his dreams, his personality battled his sadness with an army of rainbow owls against a thousand pill bottles and words. Maybe someday the war would end.

 

-oOo-

  
  


“Oh, Akaashi! I love you!” Koutarou called from across the apartment. His boyfriend was in the living room with a laptop in his hands and a cup of coffee. He had spent the night last night. Turns out sharpie is actually pretty hard to wash off, and Kuroo got in trouble at work. So, he was a bit peeved. Just a little. Tiny bit. It wasn’t like he got kicked out with only his backpack. Akaashi didn’t even look up at him.

 

“I love you too, Koutarou. Did you want something or are you just bored?” Koutarou swayed from side to side, picking at his knuckles and he smiled, and slithered his way onto the couch, leaning against him, so he could get all of the attention. Akaashi sighed. “You are a lost cause, humanity’s one greatest weakness.” Koutarou laughed and pecked a kiss to his boyfriend's cheek.

 

“What would doors look like if Foxes invented them?” Akaashi deadpanned.

 

“You do realize i have homework.” Koutarou decided to be annoying, and poked at his boyfriends cheek repeatedly until Akaashi snapped and hit his hand.

 

“But, I’m so much better than whatever you are looking at.” Koutarou had a thought. He sat bolt upright. “Akaashi! Oh my god. AKaashi!” His boyfriend closed his laptop finally giving up on the battle.

 

“What, Bokuto, what is it? What has you all riled up.” Yuuji was in the kitchen making a racket. “Did Yuuji show you a fun youtube video and now you have the energy of a thousand suns, because if he did, i’ll killl him.” Yuuji turned around at the mention of his name and shot finger guns. He was making tea. Very slowly, and very loudly.

 

“You should write a song about us, because we are cool. And then everyone will know how fucking steller my boyfriend is, and how steller i am.” Akaashi chuckled.

 

“Sure, Bokuto, but it’ll take a while.” Koutarou fist pumped the air and then fell back onto his boyfriends lap. HE looked up at those pretty eyes, and those chapped lips. Everything was perfect, and so real, It wasn’t perfect. Koutarou grinned a sleepy smile.

 

“Can I kiss your face?” He asked.

 

“What else would you kiss.” Akaashi teased. Koutarou laughed before he could even get the words out.

 

“Your dick!” More finger guns. Yuuji joined in with him from across the room. Koutarou watched Akaashi roll his eyes.

 

“You’re-” he didn’t have time to finish the rest because Koutarou was already tugging at the loose skin on his lip, trying to be tender, but ultimately, being his clumsy, excited, childish self. But Akaashi hummed, and Koutarou’s heart fluttered. His boyfriend was a literal fucking angel.


	25. Authors note

I'm doing this with all my fics.  
Sorry i haven't been focusing on this one.  
Super overwhelmed -PTSD things doing PTSD things-  
Infrequent updates as you probably have expected from me now (that is the last thing i want @ myself get your shit together)  
this isn't dead, I'm not dead.


	26. chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Different format, new plan, sew you guys next week.

“Hello mama! How have you been? It’s been so long since i’ve seen either of you.” Yuuji sat on the couch in the living room. His mother had a cold silence around her. He never really knew how to approach her. Even now. 

 

“Oh, the usual I guess. Busy, busy, busy.” his Mama sighed and he could hear her tap her nail on the back of the phone. “Mom should be calling you. Why did you call me, did something happen? I’m about to get off my lunch break.” Yuuji tried to push that smile through his lips.

 

“I just missed you. And I wanted to tell you about the guy I met.” There was a long pause. “Mama? Did you hear me?” His Mama sighed, long and tired.

 

“I’m sorry, Yuuji, honey. Can I call you later. I’m really distracted.” Yuuji’s heart sank.

 

“Yeah, of course, mama. I don’t want to bug you.” The woman laughed.

 

“Then maybe you should call mom instead of me.” Yuuji frowned. “Bye bye honey.”

 

“Bye mama.”

 

 

-oOo-

 

 

“You know, Ryuu, I think i’m gonna kill the next person that posts a ‘share if you love your mom’ post on facebook. Just, run them over.” Tanaka chuckled and shoved some food in his face. Yuuji was laying across his lap, he had come over after his call with his Mother. He didn’t really feel like doing anything that day. “It’s not like, I mean it’s not like- i don’t know what i’m saying.” He gave up. Tanaka looked down at him, curiously. He knew something was up.

 

“Are you okay? Is it- is it what happened at the club?” Yuuji blinked and sat up.

 

“No! No- I mean, it’s, it’s gross and freaky that someone would do that but i’m dealing with it. It’s not that.” Tanaka raised an eyebrow. A little bit of food on his cheek.

 

“Then what is it?” He asked.

 

“Just family stuff.” Tanaka hummed. And patted Yuuji’s hair.

 

“I get that. Want to talk about it?” He shook his head.

 

“I just want to nap.” Tanaka frowned.  
  
“But if you nap i’m stuck.”

 

“Then nap with me dingus.”

 

 

-oOo-

 

 

“Mom! For the love of god, can you pick up? I’ve called you five times. We haven’t talked in three months. Did i do something wrong? Just pick up the phone!”

 

 

-oOo-

 

 

“Hey,Teru baby! Sorry i haven’t been answering your calls. I got a new number a while ago. Did mama not tell you? Looks like we might end up playing a game of phone tag, haha. Anyways, We are going to nans for vacation, we were wondering if you can make it down. You’ve been avoiding us lately, you can’t keep doing that to us Teru. Bye bye baby.”

 

 

-oOo-

 

 

He ate in a locked bathroom stall, pill bottles of laxatives, a bag of bagels, a jar of cookies, of nutella, a box of crackers, chips, sushi, a bag of candy, and a water bottle full of whisky. He guessed this was it. This is where he hits rock bottom.

 

 

-oOo-

 

 

“HEy mom! Nice to finally talk to you. Sorry i’ve been avoiding you guys. School keeps me busy, busy, busy. I’d love to join you at nans. Call me back when you get this. Love you.”


	27. AUTHORS NOTE

Hello everyone.

So I just got done with twelve weeks of intensive out patient program for my clinically severe OCD.  
I wasn't expecting to have my entire outlook on life changed after 11 weeks of what I call mental boot camp.  
Just imagine working on your biggest fears for 14 hours a week.  
I graduated!!! The test is out of 40, 40 being the worst, I originally scored a 33. But I am now graduated with an 8. 7 is not diagnosable OCD. So i was one point away from literally curing my OCD.  
So if you was wondering where I have been that's what i've been doing for all 11 weeks of my summer. (i'm actually a bit pissed the normal time for getting out is 8 weeks and all my friends graduated less then that, but apparently i'm just an underfucking acheiver and went for 11)  
So yes, I should have more time to update HYPOTHETICALLY. But you know shit happens and within this program i've been diagnosed with Autism, PTSD, an Eating disorder. So it's not just my theories anymore, I was fucking right! which is fantastic but also like. shit bud i've got a lot of issues.

So while the OCD part is (mostly) out of the way i've entered truama therapy, eating disorder clinic, and i'm on a waiting list for the Autism unit. (seattle childrens hospital, thank god for my insurance am i Right? DEBTERS PRISON)   
On top of that whole mental fuckedy sandwich. I'm also fighting with my school over their mistreatment of my individualized earning plan for my dyscalculia and ADHD and GAD. I should be put in a special ed math class but noooooo. Should be getting more time and less work as well, but noooooooo. It's fine though, I'm okay with taking an extra year of highschool if it means getting into my dream college.

I'm taking 9 classes this year, 8 in school and one online. (private school fucks up your credit kids don't fucking do it my tittmunchers)  
SO YEAH!  
I'm directing a play at school, helping my teacher design a curriculum for advanced creative writing as well.

So while i would love love love love love to boost up m words per month on all of my fanfiction, i'm unfortunatly unable to update regularly at all.

NOTHING IS BEING ABANDONED I hope soo . . i'm shit at promises, but I have a lit planned for at least two of my works i'm currently updating. this one and catching my breath.

Unfortunatly I don't think i'll be able to start updating frequently until after november.

I'm trying. but not only am I busy but my outlook on mental illness has changed in way that i would have to change the fundemental morality and storyline of my fanfics to align wiht my new views. EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE! cheesy i know but it's actually hard work. that and all my new info on how to handle certain outcomes which is hard to portray because it's a lot of tough love and self reliance.

I'm trying you guys. don't give up on me! i need your validation. Love you all thanks for reading everything and I promise that the latest this will update is the 1st on january 2018.

thank you!

**Author's Note:**

> It won't just be About Hinata and Kageyama, i plan to focus a lot on Daichi and Suga and Bokuto as well because fuck. I love Bokuto, and i gave him my disorder in this. I just want to relate man! We need more Twitches in media! 
> 
> Okay i just want to let you know that i fucking spent twnty minutes doing spaces to try and get paragraphs but it didn't show up so i give up. so this will just look terrible with no indents. grrr.


End file.
